The film opens with a chap looking a bit fearful and then stepping into oncoming traffic. Maybe he’s heard his wife had bought the DVD of ‘The Edict’ - it isn’t immediately clear. We then cut to an ambulance, which is driving through the countryside for some reason, and to a young woman receiving CPR. We then dissolve into happier times and realise we are going to have to sit through the whole film before we get back to this bit again.
Our heroes are a young mixed race couple of newlyweds, Kevin and Joanna. They are moving into the house they inherited from Uncle Frank who became ‘Flat Frank’ right at the start. We learn that Joanna has had mental health issues and is generally a right pain in the arse. She looks through her new home and finds a statue of a man with his fist in his mouth - probably based on someone’s reaction when asked to comment on the script.
Joanna touches the statue and immediately experiences otherworldly, nightmarish visions of a woman in a slip standing awkwardly with her moth open and with blackened eyes. This terrible vision must have been based on an original idea the director had after playing some ‘Silent Hill’ games.
Joanna immediately starts experiencing a change in her character and becomes even more annoying and irritating. Even better, every time she has a moment a piercing wail comes on and stays on for ages. This was probably meant to make you feel uncomfortable but it was just plain annoying and it woke my cat up too. Kevin starts to investigate and immediately hypotheses that the statue is the source of his wife’s mood swings. Seems reasonable. They visit a colleague of Frank’s and then his assistant who promptly shoots himself when they leave - to be fair they do seem like terrible company.
After assessing the situation they decide the best thing to do is to wrap the statue in an old Tesco bag and chuck it in two feet of water. Problem solved. The colour palette quickly lifts and our two friends lighten up and discover they are pregnant. They even throw a dinner party - but then the lights go out and we still have that ambulance journey to come! Will the ancient curse come back? Will we understand what ‘the edict’ is? and will we get these 85 minutes back? Two nos and a yes!
This was an awful film on every level imaginable. For a start it was technically poor - the sound was terrible - at the dinner party scene near the end everyone sounded like they were underwater. The same goes for the lighting with rooms all murky and then the characters bright in close up - it’s like the lighting man was issued with those E.U. low energy bulbs. Add to the mix some totally banal direction and actors you wouldn’t employ to remake ‘Eldorado’, and you have a heady mix.
Sadly the plot won’t save it either unless you like the homage they do to the ’Ripping Yarns’ episode, ‘The Claw’ . There are no effects to speak of and large chunks of the film are spent with one or two talking heads, with one especially dire scene having the lead actress talk to herself in the mirror for five minutes.
There was a germ of an idea in there somewhere about the statue being 50,000 years old and some sort of conduit to a lost race. Sadly we don’t get to see them but they sound a lot like the Borg when they eventually make their play. I’m still not sure what ‘the edict’ was meant to be - the word means an order but none was given apart from some gubbins about preparing the way. This wasn’t explored as the budget ran out, but maybe it’s being saved for the sequel. Hope not!
THE Tag Line : The Edict is ’Don’t watch this film!’ 27%
No comments:
Post a Comment