No.170 : The Captor (2018)

The Captor at the IMDb

Known elsewhere in the world by the rubbish, non definitive, ‘Stockholm’ ‘The Captor’ is a fictionalised account of a 1973 Swedish bank Robbery, that ultimately gave birth to the term 'Stockholm Syndrome’. On reflection ‘Stockholm’ is probably a  better title but we’ll work with what we get.

The fictionalised part is an annoyance as you come out not knowing what was true and what was made up. I get the sense it’s mostly true and that they didn’t want to offend or indeed pay, any of the real participants as the sequence of events isn’t very cinematic with the ending drawn out in a hocky-cokey fashion.

Anyway, Ethan Hawke plays Lars, a career criminal who likes American things now. He puts on his Texas biker jacket and a flowing wig before heading to the bank. He shoots the place up and grabs some hostages including the large spectacled Noomi Rapace who triggers the silent alarm, beginning the stand off with the police that lasts the rest of the film.

Hawke immediately demands the release of his criminal pal Mark Strong who is allowed to enter the bank after the majority of hostages are freed. We then get an hour of shouting as the two sides try to broker a settlement that keeps everyone happy. As things develop the three remaining hostages get friendly with their captors and Noomi even gives out some loving after she takes a bullet when a stand off goes wrong.

After a few days and with sufficient run time gained, the police lose interest , along with the audience, and plan to end the siege by pumping tear gas into the vault where our heroes are holed up. Who will survive? And will Noomi like Hawke when she sees it’s really a wig?

This was an OK film but I think the story would have been better served with a documentary rather than by trying to add humour and drama to an already interesting subject. We don’t know what was really said or done in the vault - at least not if you rely on the film - so the action seems like speculation at best. The ending was so muddled with them in the vault, out the vault then back in the vault and then out again you assume that bit must have been true. Early on you knew it wasn’t going to be a bloodbath so there was no real sense of peril.

The film hinged on the relationship between Hawke and Rapace’s characters and I wasn’t buying. In the real life event the bonding took place over 5 days - in a 90 minute film she just looks mental for immediately falling for an obvious nutter.

The sets and costumes were great with the 70’s beige look excellently realised. I didn’t like the annoying and dithering police inspector and I felt the usually reliable, Aviva voice over man, Mark Strong was miscast as the balding bank robber, Gunnar.

It’s a decent offering but you won’t learn anything and the mishandled ending will leave you feeling dissatisfied. If the plan was for you to gain a bond with the characters and to defend their lacklustre film after spending 90 minutes with it, it failed!

THE Tag Line Swede Drama’s a Turnip 58%

No.169 : The Pyramid (2014)

The Pyramid at the IMDb

From 2014 comes this laughably bad survival horror which has Jay from ‘The In-Betweeners’ as it’s leading man. Sadly he doesn’t shag any birds or carry out any motor cycle stunts.

Jay is a cameraman for a team of archaeologists. They are excited to have found a rare 3 sided pyramid and are ready to start exploring it. Sadly those selfish Egyptians are in the middle of their uprising and the team are called home. The gang are informed that they have only 24 hours to explore their potential treasure trove.

Luckily the have a  million dollar rover ‘Shorty’, which can take the danger out of the proceedings. We know of Shorty’s capabilities after a gratuitous scene of its sleazy operator (not Jay!) spying on an undressing lady.

They manage to get the entrance chamber open but things look dangerous when a local gets a puff of poison gas in has face. This potential warning is dismissed as an effect of fungus and they forge ahead with their plan to explore the tomb in a hurry.

Unfortunately Shorty proves to be as useful as a cock flavoured lollipop when he breaks down after two minutes - or has be been stopped by unknown forces? That one.

Immediately disregarding their earlier reservations the full team heads in, closely followed by an Egyptian soldier who had been tasked with sending them home. I can't remember his name but it may have been 'Cannon Fodder'.

Predictably things soon goes tits up with our heroes falling through the floor into a catacomb of chambers, compete with killer Siamese cats and nasty traps. As our heroes are picked off one by one, who will survive? - not a lone female as usual surely?

This is a truly dreadful film but it’s awfulness did keep me engaged right to the end.

It is presented with some opening captions as a ‘found footage’ film but this is forgotten early on as we get lots of POV and ‘entering the room’ style shots. I don’t mind this conceit if it makes for a better film but it served only to take you out of the story and the characters’ predicament.

The plot as it is, is very thin and even then things like characters becoming infected with a eye changing virus aren’t followed up on. You get the usual jump scares and flashes of the bad guy but you’d wish they’d stuck to that when you see the big reveal. I won’t spoil it, but you won’t have seen worse CGI than this. Pity the poor actors trying to interact with a monster that looks ridiculous and physically impossible.

To be fair they do set it up when the pompous archaeologist tells stories of Anubis weighing hearts to value souls, but it was a brave and ultimately mental choice to make it actually happen.

The cast is uniformly awful with ‘cheeky chap’ Jay losing any charm he had under a ill advised beard and some toe curling dialogue “We’re just like food in a bowl” he yells and “This stinks” which is a perfectly succinct review of the whole enterprise. My favourite line of natural sounding dialogue was “Robot guy has just been devoured by a creature we can’t identify” - how did this miss out on ‘Best Screenplay’?!

You could argue that the film doesn’t take itself seriously, but it does. Every survival horror cliché is run through right down to the ‘Drag Me to Hell’ final moment. There were a few laughs in there but none that were intended.

Enter ‘The Pyramid’ at your own peril!

The Tag Line : ‘Finished it mate’. 35%

No.168 : The Stranger (1946)

The Stranger at the IMDb

Post war melodrama now in this 1946 effort starring and directed by Orson Welles, before be was over inflated.

The war has just ended and Edward G Robinson is on the trail of escaped Nazis - presumably the ones who didn’t have much to offer the rocket programme in the US. Bit of politics there.

They want the big fish in the shape of Franz Kindler, but no one knows what he looks like - all they have is that he likes clocks. No clocks. Remember that for later. They suspect that there is a secret network of Nazis on the go, so they let one go in the hope that he will lead them to the head goose-stepper. Of course he does, and Robinson is soon in the small town of Harper Connecticut with a list of likely candidates.

He crosses off those he has dismissed and is close to dong the same with Welles’ ‘Charles Rankin’ but has a second look when he remembers that Welles described Karl Marx as a Jew rather than a German. Welles has gotten his feet under the table and is soon to marry local lovely Loretta Young. He also has a job in fixing the town clock - what a giveaway!

He manages to stretch things out for a while after killing off the Nazi from the start, who was a terrible actor in any event. He also has to off an overly curious dog - damn efficient these Germans. Welles keeps his soppy fiancé onside, but soon even she is having a hard time believing that he’s not a friend of Hitler.

As the net closes in Robinson meets his quarry in the clock tower - will the sausage eater get his just desserts and is some overly poetic justice on the cards?

This was a decent romp but apart from a hilarious ending it was pretty much as you’d expect. Welles is poor as the Nazi on the run and makes no attempt at an accent. Fair enough the Boshe would have masked his accent but Welles is more Bostonian than Bavarian. He does well smooth talking his gullible lady and the idiotic townsfolk, but he’s no match for the no-nonsense Robinson who has his man clocked from the off.

The cat and mouse is pretty poor with it broadcast from the start that a big showdown at the end is inevitable. The clues about pipes and clocks were telegraphed throughout and although the ending was no surprise, it’s manner was. I won’t spoil it, but you’ll guess when you see that this small town has a massive automatic clock, complete with life sized mannequins armed with swords.

The film does include footage from the concentration camps and for 1946 it is quite full on. The message is clear as Robinson shows the films to the disbelieving fiancé that these things are real and that justice needs to be served.

Fair play to Welles for being the villain but he could have done more with the character. I can see why they made him likeable and more handsome than Robinson, but I don’t doubt folks would have been cheering fro the wrong guy at then end on the basis of his straighter jaw line and nicer manners.
Overall the film is an interesting record of the mood of the nation straight after the war - the Nazis should face justice and if it’s mad clockwork justice, then all the better!

THE Tag Line Stranger Danger! 67%

No.167 : The Entertainer (1960)

The Entertainer at the IMDb

“He’s never been on the telly” says one urchin as he looks at the posters advertising music hall star Archie Rice’s current show. Entertainers such as Archie are on the decline, playing old tunes to half full houses with a few saucy jokes thrown in for free.

This 1960s British offering is a cracking snapshot of a nation in decline in the post war years. Made in 1960 this classic has Laurence Olivier in the title role as the boozed up sex maniac, Archie, who has the tax man on his tail and a career that’s fading fast.

In the kitchen sink tradition he lives and argues with his wife Phoebe and deals with his three children - Albert Finney, Alan Bates and Joan Plowright - try getting in the family play in that household! Finney’s ‘Mick’ is off to Egypt to fight in the Suez Crisis whilst Plowright’s ‘Jean’ has a pushy boyfriend trying to get her to move to Africa. Bate’s ‘Frank’ plays the piano in clubs, and is under the shadow of Archie, who in turn under the shadow of his own father, Billy, a music hall star still held in high regard.

Archie has the offer to anagea hotel in Canada with Phoebe, but despite his debts he’s keen for one last big show. His pecker gets the better of him however and soon he is romancing a 20 year old who got second place in a beauty contest he was comparing. His hopes of having her family finance the show are scuppered when his old Dad grasses him up to save him looking foolish. Meanwhile Mick has been captured in Egypt.

Things look up however when news come through that Mick is being released and old Dad is coming out of retirement to give Archie a hand with his new show. This however is a black and white British film from the 60’s and happy endings are hard to come by…

This was a great film from the British Woodfall Studio. Suitably bleak and decaying the film is relentless in wearing down the cast with even glimpses of happiness soon torn from their grasp. Olivier is great as the sleazy song and dance man Archie with his questionable charms and loose morals. He never seems to love performing but it’s all he knows and he can’t leave it even when it’s clear it is destroying him. Plowright, who gets an ‘introducing’ credit is excellent as Archie’s long suffering daughter and it’s only a shame we don’t see ore of Bates and especially Finney, who only gets one scene.

There are famous faces all over the place with Charles Gray and Thora Hird also getting a look in amongst a bevy of scantily clad showgirls and bathing beauties who earned the film an ‘X’ certificate on its release. 

The message is clear throughout that the Empire is crumbling - and not just the theatre. Offers of escapes to Africa and Canada are dangled and pulled back as the cast have to fester in a dingy and soulless Britain.

It’s not a heart warmer but the performances and script are excellent and as a ‘slice of life’ you won’t beat it as a peep hole into a now forgotten world of greasepaint and caravan love ins.

THE Tag Line : Yew Tree calling! 80%