We open in a ‘Saw’ type basement with a shadowy figure abusing a bunch of women who he has in water filled tanks. We later learn that he gets his kicks from listening to their heartbeats as they drown. This was due to him being an 18 lb baby that gestated for 19 months - I bet that made Mommy Drownsman’s eyes water!
One lady fights back and manages to stab the bad guy with a sliver of broken fish tank. Movie done? Alas no - there is no body and it looks like we are dealing with something from the supernatural.
We then meet Madison, a sort of blander Anne Hathaway, who on being made maid of honour for her friend’s wedding celebrates by slipping on a beer bottle and falling into the lake. As she flounders she has visions of a shadowy man, similar to the chap in the preamble. Hope it’s the same one, or we have two of these guys to sort out. Madison is pulled from the water but is changed by the incident, developing a pathological fear of water, so much so that she has to inject all her fluids. Her bathing and toilet habits are not disclosed.
A year passes and she misses her friend’s wedding due it having rained. Her friends are pissed off at her hydrophobia and stage an intervention with a psychic, who is wise in all things water demonic. The intervention goes as expected with the shadowy chap, now officially called ‘The Drownsman’ showing up, although not seen by all. This alerts The Drownsman to the girls’ presence and he starts to pick them off in a variety of aquatic ways - often through the medium of puddle.
Knowing their time is running out, Madison starts to research The Drownsman (wish I hadn’t) and learns things about her own family and possibly a way to get back at her tormentor. Who will survive? And will this soggy Freddie Kruger be defeated?
First a word on that poster - didn’t happen. For a film all about water based murders there were strangely none in a bath or shower. Plenty of sinks and a couple of spillages but nothing that required any undressing. Very coy for a supposed horror, the domain of the late night pervert viewer - and me!
At one point Madison heads to The Craven Hospital which was an obvious nod to Wes Craven whose works this film totally ripped off. Rather than Freddie’s domain of dreams, The Drownsman operates in water. Any time a tap leaks or a glass of water appears you know your man isn’t far away. This leads to daft scenes of people being pulled into sinks and the like, and into The Drownsman’s other worldly lair.
To pad the film out the gals visit the nut house and a man who investigates The Drownsman and has a website asking for contact, but when you show up he basically says 'bugger off'. Time waster. The stuff about Madison’s family was plain daft, but I would like to be at her house for a family reunion.
The ‘rules’ were made up on the hoof and to be honest I had no idea what was happening towards the end. Well I did, but then there was a pointless twist that negated all that had gone before and suggested that sequels may follow. Thankfully, none to date.
The whole premise gives rise to plenty of potential for smart arsed remarks and I for one wont stoop that low. I’ll just say that this was a damp squib, the cast were a bunch of drips and it was moistly terrible.
THE Tag Line - Dry Your Eyes - It’s Garbage 31%
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