Thursday 25 June 2020

No.192 : The Pallbearer (1996)



‘Friend’ David Schwimmer was two years into his tenure as Ross Geller when he made this clunker. The glory days of ‘Run Fat Boy Run’ were still a decade away.

Ross plays against type as a drippy architecture graduate who is looking for a job and who lives with his Mom. We have already seen a man gas himself in his car (did he see the trailer for this?) so it’s no surprise when Ross gets the call to be a pallbearer at the funeral. It is for him however, as he doesn’t remember the dead man, Bill. Rather than say ‘Sorry I don’t know him, have you got the right person?’ he instead agrees.

He meets with the dead man’s mother, Judge Hershey, and is soon talked into giving the eulogy too. The school yearbook is no use as it doesn’t have a picture of Bill and offers only that he was in the chess club. Ross’ fortunes look up however when he meets his high school crush, Gwyneth Paltrow, at a party. She doesn’t remember Ross and mistakes him for someone else. There’s your clue to the big surprise!

Ross helps Hershey tidy up her dead son’s room and is soon in her pants too. Meanwhile Ross’ friends are due to get married and are having difficulties respectively, with one of the husbands having designs on Paltrow.

After snagging the dead man’s car and his mother, Ross starts to cool on the older lady and gains confidence with Paltrow, eventually bedding her after an interminable courtship. Bumps in the road appear however with Paltrow keen to spread her wings and the rightly pissed off Hershey looking for answers. Will Ross get the job and the girl or was this all a big waste of time?

This was an awful effort where very little happens and no laughs or drama are offered. Ross is a horrible character and although I’m sure the idea is to chart his progress to being a more rounded and caring man he just comes across as a tit. Paltrow as the object of his affections is no better and her attempts at a New York / Italian accent are laughable - when she bothers to try.

I think they were maybe looking for a Woody Allen style take on modern relationships but it was just dreadful. To make out the grieving, humped and dumped, mother as a nutter was cruel as was the revelation that her son was just plain forgettable. No redemption for him but a smidgen for Ross who gives away the death trap Pinto to allow Paltrow to follow her dreams.

The surprise twist that it was another ‘Tom’ that was really the friend was signalled in the first five minutes and it seemed pointless for this one to say he hardly knew the dead guy either.

There was a decent cast lurking in the background such as Toni Colette and Hector Salamanca but both had little to do, with Hector not even having his bell to keep us amused.

The film lacked any point and was morally dubious throughout - Harvey Weinstein producing? Oh well that explains it!

THE Tag Line - Drop it in a Hole 38%


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