No.174 : The Room (2019)

The Room (2019) at the IMDb

In the second of our ‘The Room’ double bill we look over this creepy horror cum fairy tale that sees a European couple buy a ramshackle house in upstate New York. They learn that the house has laid empty for some years after a double murder that saw the unidentified killer slung in the nut house.

The couple have obviously never seen a horror film as they don’t immediately run away, but instead start work on the house. First order of business is to move that large pile of furniture that looks suspiciously like a barricade. Once the junk has gone a steel door is found, and don’t you know it? the elaborate two piece key is right there in the junk. You’d think if you blocked up the door you’d drop the key down a well, but we need to get inside if we’re going to have a film so on you go.

Strangely the couple don’t immediately explore the room but have a look at the electrics - their entire basement is covered in wires with a large glowing hub in the middle. How that passed the Home Inspection is anyone’s guess. Our man, Matt, drinks some whisky in the room and somewhat strangely says to himself ‘I could do with another bottle’. The lights go down and when they come on he has a new bottle. Jackpot! By the time the wife, Kate, wakes up Matt has filled the room with lots of paintings and booze. Lucky he didn’t think of drugs and hookers.

The two enjoy a fun montage of wishing for loads of stuff and have a great old time, including a frolic in some space suits - guess the props department had them lying around. As you’ll probably guess there is a catch, which Matt learns when he tries to take some money outside and it turns to dust. After a test with an original Van Gogh which disintegrates as it crosses the threshold he learns that all the wished for stuff can only exist within the house. This is obviously a drawback when, not knowing of the restriction, Kate wishes for a baby following two miscarriages of her own.

She takes the baby outside and it is quickly a five year old, who frankly is a little shit. Matt traces the original murderer at the nut house and learns that he too was a wished for baby and the only way to escape the house is to kill whomever wished for you. I don’t know how this was known - maybe The Room came with a manual when installed.

With their marriage deteriorating and the boy getting stronger and older with every step outside we have to wonder who will survive and what is really real.

I really liked this creepy horror with it’s underlying vibe of ‘what would YOU do’. Obviously the first step would be to check your mental health with the second being ‘run like hell’. Nothing good ever comes of these situations and in that sense the film reminded me of  'The Box‘. I thought here the wishes would turn out to be at the expense of someone else, but I liked the idea of you being stuck to the house if you wanted the stuff. What a needy and controlling house!

There was no attempt to explain how the room came about or what powered it and I was grateful for that. If they’d said ‘oh it used to be owned by a mad scientist/Cult/ voodoo priestess’ it would have taken away a lot of the intrigue.

The film kept a strong pace and my interest which was good going for a high concept affair like this. The ending sequences where there were rooms within rooms was well done and they kept on the right side of confusing.

The two leads were fine with Olga Kurylenko (Quantum of Solace) putting in a good show and looking rather fetching in a Basque. The male lead was a bit non-descript but he did well with some outrageous dialogue.

Over all this was a entertaining offering and, although it’s tearing me up to say it, it's the pick of the ‘The Rooms.

THE Tag Line : Make Room for The Room 73%

No.100 : The Serpent (2006)

The Serpent at the IMDb

 Sub-titled French movies aren’t a staple of The Definite Article Movie Review but this one is well worth a look, not least because Bond Girl Olga Kurylenko shows us what she’s made of.

An old chap thinks he’s got lucky when the sexy Olga goes on a blind date with him but you get nothing for nothing and soon a sinister gang of blackmailers is on his tail. He pays up but it’s never enough. We think he’s being used to show us how the gang operates but he will reappear down the line so remember him and his hearing aid!

The bad guys look for their next mark and choose Vincent. We think he’s been targeted at random but nothing is what it seems in this labyrinth plot. Vincent is a fashion photographer in the midst of a messy divorce from his wife with whom he is still living. He arranged a shoot for the next day and is surprised to find Olga is his late replacement model and his helpers can’t come in as they have been beaten up. The shoot goes well and Vincent thinks his luck is in when Olga gives him a nice kiss - and she’s a scratcher too! Alas he has to run but next day the cops charge him with attempted rape.

The charges are dropped and Olga comes by to tell him he’s been targeted in a scam. Just as we are starting to think she’s nice she drugs his drink and soon the whole gang arrives to photograph Vincent in some kinky poses. He revives just in time to see Olga leave and as he chases after her she falls from his unnecessarily dangerous staircase, seemingly to her death. Vincent, who is already on the police’s radar, calls his lawyer who, on finding no trace of the body, thinks his client is nuts. Things get worse for Vincent however when he’s rear ended and finds Olga’s body in his boot and the cops have just arrived.

The other driver reveals himself to be an old school friend of Vincent’s and he arranges to get the car fixed and the body disposed of - you don’t get that service from Aviva! The body hider, Plender, starts to turn the screws looking for cash and a few free dinners at Vincent’s.  Our man starts to investigate his menacing friend and after his lawyer is killed he realises that the noose is tightening. Charged with murder Vincent goes on the run - can he turn the tables on the blackmailer and save his family from the freezer of doom?

I enjoyed this superior thriller and although it was a bit long there were enough twists to keep me interested. I liked how the troubles piled up on Vincent and it was hard to see how he could escape the elaborate traps that had been set by the dead-eyed Plender. The ending was a little too pat for my liking but I did enjoy the twists most notably the grave robbing!

Yvan Attal was excellent in the lead role as the troubled Vincent as was Clovis Cornillac as the malevolent Plender. Plender’s motivation was well documented but it was a bit unclear why he waited for his Mum to die before focusing on Vincent. Maybe it sent him over the edge or he’s just got plenty of patience. The blackmailing scenes were well done with the poor suckers reeled in by the slick and sexy operation and I liked the creepy shine to the dear departed mother.

All in all this was an enjoyable Gallic thriller with my only real complaint the title - not a serpent in sight apart from the tattoo on the bad guys back - should have called it ‘French Blackmail/Revenge Film’ - at least that does what it says on the tin!

78% Best Bit - Olga’s lingerie shoot