No.67 : The Words (2012)

The Words at IMDb

“What is originality? Undetected plagiarism.”  By Me

‘The Words’ is a film that maybe passed you by, even with its stellar cast, but it’s well worth looking up despite its potentially dry subject matter.

Famous author Dennis Quaid is giving a rapt audience a taste of his new book ‘The Words’. As he narrates the film dissolves to a film of his book which stars Bradley Cooper as an award winning author. His book ‘The Window Tears’ is a commercial and critical success, so much so he‘s being lauded by David St. Hubbins at an awards bash. We then go into flashback mode and witness his struggles as he shops his manuscript about with no luck, having to beg the rent from his dad, J. Jonah Jamieson.

After one disappointment too many he gets a job at a publishing house and is able to marry his long-suffering girlfriend, Dora. They honeymoon in Paris and she buys him a battered briefcase in a junk shop so he can cart his book around in comfort.

On his return home Bradley has a root  through his old case and finds a yellowed manuscript which he consumes in one sitting. As you’d expect it’s the best book in the world. Bradley decides to type it all out on his P.C. - not to steal it but so he can feel what it’s like to write a great book. Aye, right! In no time flat his new wife finds it and, flattered by her praise, agrees that yes, it totally is mine and I’m great aren’t I?

His publishing bosses grab the book and soon we’re back where the cut away began, with his accepting awards and praise from John Hannah, no less.

We go back to Dennis who is chatting up a fan and slowly manoeuvring her back to his apartment. He does however have to deliver the second part of his reading and things are deteriorating for Bradley. An aged Jeremy Irons shows up and after a brief pre-amble he convinces Bradley that he was the author of the book and recounts its creation in another flashback.

He’s not after money or even recognition, but Bradley starts to worry and tries to fix things as best he can. Alas this serves only to make him mildly drunk and annoying to his wife. With Dennis back at his apartment with the girl he gives her an exclusive preview of the last few chapters of his novel, which may not be all it originally appeared.

This was a really enjoyable and thought provoking film. It was well crafted with the various narratives and flashbacks within them always being clear and intriguing. The framing of the author’s reading was a clever way to split things up and add narration, and it all came together for a satisfying, although not wholly unexpected, ending.

I’m not convinced of Bradley Cooper’s leading man status and he seemed out his depth, especially in the scenes with a powerhouse like Irons. He is likeable enough but never convinced as the morally ambiguous and troubled author. With stuff like ‘The A*Team’ and ‘The Hangover’ behind him he’s obviously looking for some acting credibility but fails to deliver here.

Irons was great, giving a master class in the wise old man role and he really sold the notion that ‘the words’ have to be earned through pain and suffering and cannot just be stolen. Quaid was also good value as the slightly seedy author  and it was a shame we didn’t get more of Michael McKean or John Hannah who both had mere cameos.

All in all this was a fine tale of morals and life experience which was both fresh and original - unlike Bradley’s moth eaten novel!

THE Tag Line : Word Up - It’s a Winner - 81%

No.66 : The Bravados (1958)

The Bravados on IMDb

Gregory Peck and Joan Collins are the unlikely stars of this 1958 colour western.

Peck plays Jim Douglas, a rancher with revenge in mind. We open with him approaching a small town and being warned off by a guard - the sheriff don’t want no strangers in town, see. Despite this warm welcome Peck finagles his way in after the sheriff marks him down as a pervert with a thing for hangings. The small town is having a four man hanging event the next day and all they need is the travelling hangman to show up so the show can go ahead.

Peck offers to help out but is soon boozing in the bar with Joan Collins. Collins looking well senior of her actual 25 years at the time of filming is an old flame of Peck's and is disappointed to hear that he’s married with a child. Slowly we learn that our man is a widower and that the four men due to be hung are those he has marked as responsible. With the hangman now arrived things should go smoothly - but wait! While the townsfolk, including a reluctant Peck, are at church the bogus hangman springs the four bad guys and the chase is on.

Peck organises the posse and soon they start to catch up with the felons. The bad guys make the classic mistake of splitting up, and it doesn’t take long for the remorseless Peck to thin their number to one. Can he put to rest his demons, and are his motivations just and indeed correct?

This is an enjoyable western that doesn’t attempt to do anything new with the genre. The jail break and chase are all you’d expect with some brutality from Peck notwithstanding. His moral ambiguity towards the end is in sharp counterpoint to the cheering townsfolk who care little about what exactly the bad guys did just as long as they did something.

Peck is excellent as the driven Douglas and looks to be doing his own stunt riding and lasso work. He cuts a mean figure in black and he’s pretty no nonsense with the pleading bad guys. His mask slips towards the end as the doubts set in but at least he’s rewarded with the lovely Joan who seems very keen.

Joan’s character is ill defined and it’s not clear if she’s meant to be American or English - or indeed Spanish as she shows up for church in a red flamenco dress. Her acting is consistent throughout - consistently awful that is. She doesn’t convince at any level and looks like a refugee from a make up commercial who wandered on set. Her emotions go from ‘Just let them go’ to ‘Kill them all’ in literally one scene and it’s not hard to see why her career floundered for many years, until she started taking her clothes off.

Of the remaining cast there wasn’t a lot standing out apart from a young Lee Van Cleef who wasn’t quite at his moustache twirling best. The horny escapee didn’t convince nor did their purty hostage who did little more than scream a lot.

The locations were fantastic and used to great effect in some panning shots that showed the difficulties the trackers faced.

The big reveal at the end was signalled from the off but if you watch this as a simple ‘posse’ film you’ll enjoy it, although I doubt it will stay long in the memory.

THE Tag Line - Kill ‘em all and let God sort them out - 68%

No.65 : The Village (2004)

The Village on IMDb

 Even you haven’t seen ‘The Village’ you will doubtless know the twist ending, but in case you’ve been living in a cave for the last ten years I’ll begin with *Spoilers* follow.

We open with a village community surrounding the cemetery - they are standing well back as Brendan Gleeson is weeping and cuddling a small coffin. We learn later it was his daughter and her tombstone indicates the year to be in the 1880s. Things go along OK for a while but strange behaviour is noted such as the burying of some red flowers lest their ‘forbidden colour‘ be seen. Village simpleton Adrien Brody larks about and has a fancy for the blind Bryce Dallas Howard, while young men test their bravery by standing close to the woods.

Romances also blossom with the quiet Joaquin Phoenix being pursued by Judy Greer and widowers William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver having a mild flirtation. Through all this character development we learn that the village is in a valley surrounded by woods, which are occupied by ‘those we do not speak of’. An age old truce keeps these presumed monsters out of the town, and the villagers out of the woods.

There are however signs that the truce may be ending, as small incursions into the woods see animal corpses strung up in the village and red marks on their doors. Tensions heighten until the shambling, red cloaked creatures start vacationing in the village making us all a bit scared and wondering who does their tailoring.

Things reach a head when Adrien stabs Joaquin for stealing his girl and leaves him critically injured. As he hangs on to life it’s up to his new and blind fiancé to brave the woods and hopefully secure the medicine that may save his life.

I saw this film in 2004 and remembered it as being better than this repeat viewing. I can’t remember if I was aware of the big reveal prior to seeing it originally but now watching with the full facts it seems daft and heavily signalled from the off. Sigourney’s big secret box foreshadows the drawn out reveal and the danger towards the end was totally impotent given William Hurt was showing off the suits like a Burton’s salesman.

The cast, impressive as it is, deliver pretty poor performances. Adrien Brody goes ‘full retard (thanks ‘Tropic Thunder’) and never convinces as the simple yet latently psychopathic Noah. Joaquin is flagged early as being ‘quiet’ which is a blessing to all as it limits his dialogue. He does however deliver a master class in understatement when he’s stabbed.

I’d like to have seen more of the dependable Weaver and Gleeson but instead we get loads of the earnest and portentous William Hurt.

The direction, tension building and reveals are all clumsily handled and the pacing is poor. We trudge through an hour of slow boil tension build only for it to be undone with little or no pay off.

Overall this is an OK kind of distraction but on reflection it’s really just a one trick pony, and a lame one at that.

THE Tag Line - Village People not worth a song and dance.  57%

No.64 : The Impossible (2012)

The Impossible on IMDb

If you want to see a bunch of manky people splashing about in some fetid water you could drop in at the open day at Springburn baths or, if you prefer, watch ‘The Impossible’.

The film is set around the 2004 tsunami and its aftermath. Although it claims to a true story the film uses typical Hollywood licence with the real life family of Spaniards replaced by the far more glamorous Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts.

We open as our two heroes and their three screaming kids head off to a Christmas holiday in Thailand. The foreshadowing looms large with the kids all saying they hate each other and Naomi losing a page out of her book. It doesn’t stop there and once they arrive the boy is denied a Coke and we catch a glimpse of Mum’s boob as she dons her swimsuit. Remember these points dear reader, they’ll be referenced later and we’ll all say ‘Oh that’s a bit ironic’.

The family are soon holed up in their beach resort and enjoy a carefree Christmas - but beware! those musical cues over the sea suggest a malevolent presence lurking beneath the waves. Soon the men folk are enjoying playing with their new ball in the pool and Naomi loses a page out of her book (remember that from paragraph three!). She chases it down but notes the pane of glass it’s stuck to is vibrating. The birds leave the trees and a rumble is heard. Of course it’s the tsunami - I mean that’s hardly a spoiler seeing as it’s in the trailer.

The big wave hits and the family are scattered. We initially follow Naomi who after getting bumped about a bit soon catches up with her most irritating child, Lucas. The pair trudge out of the water and after Mum’s newly exposed boob (another one!) is hastily put away, they try to find help. Selfish Lucas is taught about the need to help people and they harvest a small blond moppet with a hair fixation. The trio struggle to an overrun hospital and Naomi’s leg is looking a bit dodgy.

Focus then shifts to Ewan who has also ridden the wave to safety. He has hooked up with the other two boys; so we are all alive and all that is needed is the inevitable reunion, but wait - there’s still an hour to go! To fill the gap we need a few more setbacks so Naomi goes missing  and then the two found boys get lost too. Can the whole clan be reunited? Of course, but it may take some time…

I didn’t really fancy this film on hearing about it, thinking it’d be a TV movie of the week exploiting a natural disaster for a mawkish human interest story. In truth it was, but it was better than I’d expected. Definite heroes Ewan (The Ghost) and Naomi (The International) do well in what is clearly a bill paying exercise for them.

The plot is basic and linear with few surprises and lots of false starts. Several times we get ‘Oh no he’s just missed him’ moments as the characters’ paths almost cross without them seeing their nearest and dearest.

The highlight is definitely the special effects with the tsunami realised in cracking detail with the scale and magnitude of the disaster plain to see. The budget is wisely invested here with savings made on the script and Naomi’s make up, which sees her looking like an extra from ‘Dawn of the Dead’ towards the end.

At two hours every emotional possibility is wrung for all it’s worth, but the outcome is never in doubt. There is some jarring product placements “Zurich insurance have arranged a flight home and top class medical care”! but overall it’s enjoyable true life drama, albeit drama wrung through the Hollywood cookie cutter.

THE Tag line : Wave the Oscars good bye!  64%

No.63 : The Paperboy (2012)

The Paperboy on IMDb

Video games have rarely provided fertile ground for moviemakers but I have to say I was excited by the prospect of this 80’s classic coming to the silver screen. Alas they decided to do away with the whole notion of delivering papers and avoiding swarms of bees in favour of having a murder mystery in the 1960s.

We open with a present day Macy Gray talking to a reporter. The reporter is interested in events from 1969 which evolved around a celebrated murder case which has recently resurfaced due to a new book. After this brief preamble we are transported back in time to see events unfold with Macy’s voice occasionally appearing to explain stuff that isn’t clear from the script or direction.

Matthew McConaughey is a Miami newspaper reporter who along with his black writing parter and brother, Zac Efron, are sniffing about a murder case that sees a man on death row. The murder victim was the local racist sheriff and they wonder if the case is sound. They are soon joined by trailer trash Nicole Kidman who is convinced of the man’s innocence and who has done her own research which mainly consisted of sending him smutty letters.

The happy troupe seem to enjoy unlimited access to the murderer, who is played with twitchy mania by John Cusack. Early visits don’t go well with the two would be lovers spending their time getting off as Nicole displays her pink panties. For unclear reasons Zac falls in love with Nicole while the two reporters start to fall out.

In the sultry heat we learn that they all have secrets and agendas but soon the case begins to unravel with the flimsy new evidence springing Cusack who wastes no time in making good on his dirty talk with Nicole. With all our protagonists lacking something they want, or regretting not being careful about what they wished for, we have to see if anyone will get a happy ending.

This is a strange sort of film. It opens like it’s going to be about crusading journalism set against the racial tensions of the south, but it plays out as a bunch of big names overacting while raiding the dressing up box.

The main question is one of motivation - why is anyone doing anything that they set out to do? Redneck scumbag Cusack may be innocent, and of course the crusading journalist can’t walk away just because he jerks off a lot, but couldn’t they find a more worthwhile cause? Trashy Nicole is clearly shown to be a victim herself but her attraction to Cusack doesn’t convince. Their ‘love’ scene is as grubby as you get although it does beggar belief that a death row inmate won’t even take off his lady’s bra once he is sprung.

Zac tries hard to look lovelorn, but the clearly nuts Nicole doesn’t merit his attentions and Matthew’s character arc, that sees him go from campaigning journalist to Captain Hook in five minutes, is patently ridiculous.

The acting is uniformly awful with Macy Gray possibly the worst as the downtrodden housemaid who later recollects the tale. It is close though, with several career worst showings in place.

There are some things to like however. The sweaty and humid setting is great and although it doesn’t quite match ‘Body Heat’ you do feel like a cold shower afterwards. That may be down to some of the scenes however which see a masturbation contest, Nicole pissing on Zac after a jellyfish sting, Matthew on the bog and rough sex involving a twin tub washing machine.

For its earnest subject matter the dialogue was all over the place as were the accents. “If anyone’s gonna piss on him I will” cries Nicole as she remembers she used to get Oscar nods.

It was quite fun, but not in the way that was intended, which in many ways makes it more of a pleasure.

THE Tag Line : Fails to Deliver 62%

No.62 : The Guard (2011)

The Guard at the IMDb

This enjoyable comedy thriller opens as Brendan Gleeson’s jaded Irish police sergeant or ‘Guard’ sits in his police car. We quickly realise that he’s seen it all before when a car load of druggies crash in front of him without him raising an eyebrow. We also get a snapshot of his moral compass as he helps himself to the dead louts’ drugs before dumping the rest so that their mothers won’t learn of their criminal lifestyles.

The film proper opens with our man being called to a murder scene. He has in tow a young constable who would rival Father Dougal in the thickness stakes. The murder scene is peppered with clues such as a ‘5 1/2’ daubed on the wall, but while the protégé thinks it may be the work of a serial killer our man has it down as nothing more than a routine killing.

Despite a tip off the case goes cold until a visiting FBI operative briefs the Irish about a $500 million drug smuggling operation that is likely to land on their patch. Brendan enjoys ripping the piss from the buttoned up American but is taken seriously when he reveals that one of the FBI’s suspects was in fact his murder victim.

As you may guess the tight ass American and the maverick Irishman have to join forces to stop the bad guys and hopefully build some cultural and racial bridges.

Although this film has the set up of an ‘Odd Couple’ cop movie with a ‘fish out of water’ angle thrown in, it does a good job of subverting the genre and giving as some laughs along the way. There aren’t too many surprises but Gleeson’s character is a lot of fun, romping with hookers on his day off and inventing a clever way to turn the tables on a killer - oh the itch!

The American is played with some charm by Don Cheadle and although I didn’t quite buy into his character, he is likable enough to keep you invested. The intended friction between the two leads never really convinced and although frosty for five minutes you never felt that a team up and mutual respect were a long way off.

The threat element is delivered by a trio of drug lords who are more council estate than Columbia. They are lead by the always villainous Mark Strong who is as good a shot as he is a smuggler. They did have a couple of malevolent scenes, but were always just a foil for our two leads to mesh together.

The laughs are liberally sprinkled throughout and some of the second string characters are good value, especially the young lad who finds, and helps himself to, a cache of guns.

The character development was kept to a minimum and it was refreshing that Gleeson remained as boorish and un-PC throughout, despite  Don’s criticisms. The ending was left somewhat enigmatic but there was enough sown throughout the film to assume things will turn out OK.

I enjoyed this film, that offered nothing in the way of surprises but loads in terms of laughs and charm.

THE Tag Line : Guard your hookers and drugs!  72%

No. 61 : The American (2010)

The American at the IMDb

George Clooney stars in this decent but somewhat predictable thriller.

We open with a bearded George in a log cabin, next to a frozen lake with a beautiful lady. So far so Roger Moore James Bond. A romantic walk in the winter landscape is interrupted when they spot some footprints in the snow, and pretty soon the happy couple are taking fire from a frankly rubbish sniper. George shows he’s not to be messed with when he shoots the shooter before taking out his girlfriend with a shot to the back of the head - guess she shouldn’t have eaten the last croissant!

 After clearing out the rest of the hit squad George gets onto his handler, one of those stereotype softly spoken bad guys who operates out of a café. He tells George to head off to a remote village, but showing the kind of caution that has kept him alive George ditches the Boss issued mobile and heads off on his own.

So begins a short round of the fish out of water scenario as the gorgeous one tries to blend in using his ‘photographer’ story as flimsy cover. He’s quickly befriended by a well meaning but flawed priest who sees that George isn’t what he seems. After checking in with the Boss we learn that George is a gun smith and he’s been given a new job of preparing a custom sniper rifle for a female assassin.

All the while George is boffing a lovely prostitute who quickly falls for his silvery charms and starts to see him ‘off the clock’. As the relationship deepens the always nervous George becomes the target of some assassins, none of whom can match our hero’s guile. As the weapon nears completion George begins to plan his exit strategy.

We all know you can never walk away from the bad guy organisation but will the hooker with a heart and his gunship skills see a possible way for him to reach redemption?

I quite enjoyed this film but it’s really nothing new or inventive. Early on you get the sense that George is doomed and you just wonder how he got so old and grey in such a trigger happy organisation. His past isn’t really touched on apart from a ‘Marines’ tattoo and it seems a strange vocation to be drilling bullets for assassins given his skills set.

Part of the problem is George’s trademark look that doesn’t falter throughout the film. He’s certainly not after the ‘chameleon’ tag, with his look in this film indistinguishable to his in ‘Michael Clayton’ ‘Up in the Air’ and, if you draped an untied bow tie around his neck, all of the ‘Ocean’s’ films. It’s not necessarily a bad thing as he clearly plays to his strengths but given he lives in Italy you are left to wonder if they filmed this when a spare couple of weeks came up in his diary.

The twists were seen a mile off and when you hear that the assassin’s target is a mystery and you see George making her bullets it’s not hard to put two and two together. The film was filled out with a ropey priest with a sex scandal past - is there any other kind?! The romance also didn’t ring true at all with the hooker at first refusing to kiss, but once George gives her a good seeing to, she’s ready to run away with him five minutes later.

The locations were pretty good but somewhat restricted to a small town which again gives the air of a tight production with little scope. George is as reliable as ever and his girl friend certainly brightens up the screen. The lady assassin didn’t convince as a ruthless killer and she even looked a bit ham-fisted when she was ‘expertly’ handling her weaponry. The closing scenes play out pretty much as you’d expect and although somewhat unsatisfying there was enough to keep my interest to the end - mainly to see if I’d guessed right - I had!

Best Bit : George spends his hard earned ‘relaxing’. 68%