We open with a young girl clearing up her mother’s empty beer bottles and struggling to get her out of bed. Mum wears her bra to bed and wonders where last night’s lover has gone. She has a hangover and tattoos - I’m only surprised they didn’t stick her in a trailer to get the scummy mummy full house!
The girl, Lizzy, is keen to get Mum active as they have somewhere to go. It’s soon revealed that Mum is giving the girl up and she’s going to live with Daddy. It doesn’t explain why daddy can’t come over and get her himself, but if he did that we wouldn’t have a film.
The pair head off in their beat up car - well it has a bit of gaffer tape on one of the seats. We enjoy a couple of flashbacks illustrating the pair’s past relationship, including a delightful game of verbal tennis where ‘I hate you’ and ‘Fuck you’ and bounced back and forth several times.
Their late start means that they are soon driving in darkness across the most desolate road in history. They literally don’t see another car all night apart from emergency vehicles which show up five minutes after being called.
During one of their many screaming exchanges something appears on the road. Slutty Mum Kathy manages to spin the car but still hit’s the object which turns out to be a wolf. Their own car is wrecked and they call a pick up truck, but meanwhile a slobbering P.O.V. shot is coming from the woods.
The mechanic soon arrives and as a betting men I told myself he had five minutes tops. Within about two he’s pulled under the truck and despite a spirited move to get more screen time he’s soon finished off.
The monster is slowly revealed as it terrorises our hapless heroes, who manage to call in reinforcements in the shape of an ambulance crew - sadly they are as much use as a cock flavoured lolly pop and it’s all down to wounded Mum and scared daughter to save the day.
This was a decent effort but ultimately it was too familiar to be regarded as anything special. They did avoid some monster movie tropes with cell phones working fine and the monster not being that camera shy. The film did however fall into the trap of being predictable with each ‘twist’ being signalled from many star systems away.
The opening narration of the little girl saying ‘Mummy says monsters aren’t real, but they are’ basically signalled the outcome from the off. I thought there might be an angle of the little girl having psychic abilities and was summoning the monster but it turned out it was just a big fragging monster that lived in the woods and liked attacking things.
The monster itself was decent but familiar if you have seen ‘Spawn’ or any of the alien films - basically wet leather and a lot of dribble.
The idea that monsters aren’t always the things you see was hammered home with flashbacks revealing that Dad was a dick too and Mum had her good moments. The lesson maybe that the monsters of your mind are the worst kind but frankly I’d be more weary of the big black thing that has ambulance crews for its supper.
The film was essentially a two hander between mother and daughter and there was too much screaming and wailing from both to have me give a toss for their fates.
It was decent fun to see a monster eat a variety of people but the weighty subtext lessened the effect for me. Be a monster pic or a problem people film - not both!
THE Tag Line - A Monster Hash 51%
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