This effort starts well and there was a really good film to be had. Sadly the big denouement lets this one down with it being more ridiculous than anything else.
The film stars Joan Fontaine, who won the Oscar in 1941 for ‘Suspicion’. She must have been on her uppers 25 years later as this British production will be a footnote to her illustrious CV at best.
The film opens in Africa where Fontaine’s ‘Joan Mayfield’ is working as a missionary teacher. Her classes haven’t gone down well as the natives are in revolt and she’s packing up. Her two terrified helpers, including Rudolph Walker off ‘Eastenders’, dive out the window as the local witch doctor is at the door. Joan takes a faint when a massive tribal head, which looks like surplus stock from ‘It’s a Knockout’ bursts in.
Joan wakes up back in England and has an interview with a vicar for a new job, teaching in the small village of Heddaby. She freaks out when recounting her African experiences but gets the gig anyway.
She arrives in the idyllic village to become headmistress in the school and is met by ‘Oooh Betty’ actress Michelle Dotice. She settles in but learns the vicar isn’t really a vicar as he failed the exam - and that the town’s church was destroyed in unspecified circumstances 200 years ago. These minor issues don’t set off any alarm bells and she makes a friend in the fake vicar’s sister, Stephanie.
She starts to tutor a boy called Ronnie, who sports a Mr Logic haircut, and tries to adopt a black cat that follows her around. Ronnie’s studies go well but he’s distracted by a well developed 14 year Linda (the actress being 19 at the time) and soon falls ill. Joan finds a doll with pins in it and wonders if the boy is under a spell? Stephanie cautions against removing the pins however as that would show she actually believed in witchcraft.
After some more meddling Joan opens the door to find the massive voodoo head coming from her and promptly faints. She wakes up, seemingly a year later in the care of Rigsby off ‘Rising Damp’. Is Joan really nuts or is there a coven of witches in the village who got rid of the boy as he had designs on the girl, and they need a virgin for their unholy sacrifice? Second one sounds the more exciting option, but it’s totally not!
The first hour of this film is really good. It’s well paced and there are a lot of pointers that things aren’t what they seem. I always like scenes were everyone, apart from the hero, is in on a nefarious plan and Joan did well bumbling about in her twin set.
Things fall apart however as soon as Rigsby appears. There is never really any doubt that Joan’s suspicions are correct and, given the title, the viewer is in little doubt either. The film does however go down a mental path, with the lead witch’s identity being no surprise whatsoever. The preparing of the girl for the sacrifice was done so much better in ‘The Wicker Man’ with there being no sense of danger here at all. ‘The satanic rite’ and ‘orgy’ were laughable and looked more like a failed audition for the ‘Thriller’ video.
The salvation and resolution were handled cack handedly, with the last two minutes looking tacked on to convince the thickies in the audience that this was indeed a happy ending.
One to avoid or at least to excuse yourself from after an hour.
THE Tag line : The Worst Witch 53%
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