No.211 : The Gift (2000)

The Gift at the IMDb

We finish our Keanu year 2000 triumvirate with ‘The Gift’ following ‘The Replacements’ and ‘The Watcher’. To say this is the best of the three is like saying Alec is the best Baldwin brother actor - it’s not really a competition.

This has quality written all over it with a top cast, cracking director in Sam Raimi and even Billy Bob Thornton showing up as co-writer. 

Cate Blanchett stars and gets a before the title credit which seemed strange so early in her career, but having seen the film you can see why - she is in nearly every scene and gives a cracking performance. She plays Annie, a young widow with three boys who possesses a psychic gift. She doles out readings to locals, such as beaten wife Hilary Swank who is married to the brutal Keanu. Keanu is a total bastard and blames Annie for his marriage problems rather than his philandering and wife punching powers.

Annie’s kids are playing up and on a visit to the principal Greg Kinnear she meets his fiancée, Katie Holmes. Katie has learned of Annie’s gift and asks if she sees anything in her and Greg’s future. She says she doesn’t, but we get a flash of Katie’s scabby and wet feet and know that things don’t bode well for her. Into the mix we also get Giovanni Ribisi’s slightly slow mechanic and Bill Lumbergh as the sleazy town prosecutor.

The action ramps up when Katie goes missing and, after a few days, they call in Annie for some clues. Police chief J Jonah Jamieson is sceptical, but less so when Katie’s body is fished out of Keanu’s pond, following Annie’s tip. 

After a court case, where Annie is branded a witch, Keanu goes down but Annie’s visions keep on coming. She knows that Keanu didn’t kill Katie, but who did?

This was a great film that was well told and edited with lots of clues peppered throughout. You have at least four solid suspects for the murder, and although I guessed correctly, any of the others would have been just as likely.

Blanchett does well as the wise women and I liked how she inhabited her visions while the past played out. The solid cast all did well apart from maybe Ribisi who was a bit too ‘Of Mice and Men’ for my liking. Word was that Billy Bob was asked to play the part, but I can see why he refused as it may have been a bit too close to ‘Slingblade’ for comfort.

I liked how Keanu was set up as the villain, but even after his conviction which saw Annie freed from his abuse, she still fought for the truth. Keanu was good as the bad guy and looked powerful when dishing out the lady beatings. Down the cast I liked Katie Holmes as the slutty Jessica and I wish we’d seen more of Bill Lumbergh’s pants down prosecutor.

The pacing and direction was excellent and I liked the final twist that gave an even more spooky and satisfying end to an entertaining film. Overall a cracking supernatural offering that will leave an impression.

THE Tag Line : Give Yourself the Gift of The Gift   -  80%

No.207 : The Watcher (2000)

The Watcher at the IMDb

Keanu Reeves is credited with three films in 2000 and all of them are the Definite Article! We have already had a look at The Replacements and, having seen ‘The Watcher’, I’m betting the upcoming ‘The Gift’ is the pick of that year’s litter. ‘The Watcher’ is certainly looking like the runt, a view that’s echoed by Keanu who has disowned it.

The film is essentially a cat and mouse homicide drama that pits Red Reddington against Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan. Red is an FBI investigator who is burnt out. He has an untidy apartment and only one orange in his fridge. He used to work L.A. but after his lady friend died in a fire and he failed to catch a serial killer he moved to Chicago to live off disability. That’s not much of a plot so let’s have the serial killer follow him and taunt him with a new set of killings - bodacious!

We get to hear Red’s profile of the killer set against Keanu in action. The idea is that he watches his targets for ages, knowing their every move, before strangling them with piano wire. We know he’s a force to be reckoned with as we’ve already seen him dancing on his own in slow motion.

Red sees a psychiatrist in the shape of a dowdy Marisa Tomei, and neglects to open his post. This turns out to be a mistake as he misses a special offer from Reader’s Digest. No wait, photos from the killer. Bored waiting to get caught, Keanu sends Red photos of his next victim and gives him until 9pm to trace the girl or else she’s history. ‘The Watcher’ has picked out quiet, lonely woman with cats as his victims and the first two peg it before anyone realises who they are. A searing indictment on our selfish society there.

Keanu gets bolder and starts trailing Red before he inevitably kidnaps Marisa and invites his rival to a big warehouse showdown. Who will survive? Will anyone watch ‘The Watcher’ and enjoy it? Doubtful.

This was an awful film that was like a sub-par episode of ‘Criminal Minds’. The police detection was terrible and largely amounted to berating people in the streets and stuffing flyers in their faces. Keanu was no better as the most character free serial killer ever committed to film. You could tell his heart wasn’t in it but that’s no excuse for this lamentable showing.

The director tried to use every trick in the book to jazz things up with flashbacks, POV shots, slow motion and out of focus shots all thrown into a mix that produced a big pile of crap.

There was no tension at all and the big finale was like 50% off day at the CGI shop. I will give the film credit for at least killing the baddie and showing the body - something ambiguous and a ‘The End…?’ caption would probably have ended me.

No one came out of this looking good with even poor old Zedmore off Ghostbusters drafted in to play an ineffective police chief who hands out assignments to any dope head who walks in his door.

There were a few unintentionally funny moments but not enough to rescue this stinker. Overall a complete mess with no thrills or surprises to speak of and some needlessly nasty kills to boot. All in all not worth a watch.

THE Tag Line : ‘Don’t Watch The Watcher’ 44%

No.197 : The Replacements (2000)

The Replacements at the IMDb

Time for a bit of sporting fun now as we try to cram every cliché possible into this unsatisfying American football romp.

We meet our hero Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) as he clears barnacles off the hull of a boat whilst scuba diving. He finds an old American Football trophy discarded on the sea bed and relives a moment of glory before going back to his work. We learn he was a former star who froze during his big chance at the Sugar Bowl a few years back. They didn’t explore why he didn’t use his time travel phone box to fix things, which may have made for a more exciting film.

His chance of redemption comes along pretty quickly, as all the overpaid football stars are going on strike. The producers must have been a bunch of commies as the players were made out to be the bad guys with one moaning about the price of Ferrari insurance. Too bad it’s a short career that leaves most with brain damage!

Local team, the Washington Sentinels, are an outside bet to make the playoffs - if they can win 3 out of their last 4 games they qualify. The club’s owner gets washed up boss Gene Hackman to take over the team and to recruit a posse of replacement players to win the day. We get a quick montage of loads of characters who might, just might, be the greatest players you’ve ever seen.

Strangely the cheerleaders are also recruiting - must be out in support of the players- , with the ladies getting a ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ style montage of all the losers making a tit of themselves. A full stable of cheerleaders is however found in the strip joint with their leader definitely not going to fall for Keanu’s quarterback, as she doesn’t date players. Well for about five minutes she doesn’t.

The team go through training, fights and then bonding and soon the first game looms. Can they win  3 out of 4 after losing the first? - 3 out of 3 then Duh! And will the various misfits find the redemption they crave?

This was a strange kind of film that had no interest in the labour laws situation and it didn’t address things like crossing a picket line or undermining the original players’ genuine grievances. I’m no Ted the Red (Cuba!) but it seemed a bit strange for a blue collar film to side with the management - it was ‘Carry on at Your Convenience’ all over again.

The reasonable cast fared badly with some poor material. Reeves was OK in the lead but Jon Faverau was wasted as an annoying character who just ran into people. Rhys Ifans was better as soccer player Nigel from Wales who could kick massive field goals whilst smoking a fag. It looks like he was let down in the edit as his arc didn’t make any sense at all. There was also a lot of shoving and name calling and, most regrettably, dance numbers.

Hackman phoned it in and showed no passion at all - compare him to Pacino in ‘Any Given Sunday’ and you’ll see a lightweight getting smashed by a heavyweight in the 'down at heel football coach' role.

The games were poorly scripted with each of the four games coming down to the last seconds with our guys just behind. There was very little in the way of actual game play, the kind you see most Sundays, with every point being either a comical mishap or a death defying kick or throw.

It was OK in places but ultimately it was an uneven mess with unengaging characters and a suspect premise.

THE Tag Line : Strike it off your list!   55%