No.187 : The Hexecutioners (2015)

The Hexecutioners at the IMDb

This film is set in a world where euthanasia has been legalised. As long as you have the correct paperwork you are fine to employ an agency who will send over a worker to dispatch your ailing loved one in the manner of your choosing. You’d think that such a job would demand a strong person with a lot of life experience, but actually you just need to be a pretty young woman. One such worker is Malison whom we meet on her first day in the job. Somewhat strangely she is sent on her own and it’s no surprise when she makes a right pig’s ear of it.

The comatose old woman she’s supposed to put down wakes up after her ‘lethal’ injection, throws up and calls Malison a murderer. You’d think the husband would be happy to see his wife out of the coma, but instead he finishes the old gal off with a pillow.

Somewhat distressed Mel, as she mother used to call her, heads home but is soon evicted from her flat when her landlord learns of her occupation - and of her cat. She abandons the cat in a field and heads of to her next assignment. Learning of her bang up job on the old woman, Mel’s boss pairs her up with an experienced employee, Olivia, who doesn’t wear a bra and is happy to complete her assignments without complaint, even if it means blowing people’s brains out, so that Mel can learn the ropes.

The mismatched pair head off to a mansion with the big pair of CGI gates as seen in the poster above. Falling short of ‘employee of the month’ once again, Mel faints on the doorstep and has visions of a large group of cultists in masks approaching an alter as well as of the old, now dead, woman. Well they’d probably paid her for the day and had put her make up on already.

They meet creepy Edgar who tends to the needs of the girls’ next job, who has the same stylist as Gary Oldman had in ‘Hannibal’. The termination contract contains lots of extra details including cutting the body up and feeding it to the birds whilst text is read from a creepy tome. This is a $1m contract - wonder why the boss sent two emotional ladies? - and they resolve not to get involved. The old house soon exerts its influence on the girls however, with their behaviours changing and the previously prim Mel looking for some lesbian action which Olivia refuses - as is her right. Boo Hiss!

The day of the termination is looming and Mel is having more and more creepy visions. Will the planned ritual go ahead and what is it in aid of? Will our girls survive and will Mel’s housing problem be resolved?

I was surprised this film only had an IMBd rating of 4/10 as I quite enjoyed it. It was small scale and low budget but was teeming with ideas and grisly imagery. I wasn’t 100% sure what was going on but it was the usual stuff about human sacrifices and portals. It was quite creepy throughout and there were some decent touches such as the ritual being chroma keyed, with only the reds showing against a washed out background.

The two female leads were good with Liv Collins handling the transition from mouse to vixen with aplomb. Sarah Power as Olivia had less of a story arc but more than made up for that in other ways. Er, dramatic acting ways!

It didn’t set the heather alight but as a late night offering on the Horror Channel this was a welcome find and one well worth seeking out.

THE Tag Line Getting ready For Bed - and Other Scenes Too! 66%

No.99 : The Grudge (2004)

The Grudge at the IMDb

This was the first in a spate of American remakes of Japanese horror films and having watched the result I won’t be seeking out any of its contemporaries or indeed sequels. It’s not because I was scared or anything; I just thought the whole thing was a bit pointless and forgettable.

The film opens with the always wooden Bill Pullman getting out of bed and falling off his balcony to his death. This is before the credits and you wonder if this is to be the shortest star turn this side of Steven Seagal in ‘Executive Decision’. Alas there are flashbacks so Bill will return!

We move across town to a catatonic woman who needs a full time carer. The carer makes the huge mistake of poking around in the attic and gets snatched away by an unseen force. Her ever caring employers don’t give a toss as they have Sarah Michelle Gellar on standby. Buffy and her douche boyfriend are staying in Tokyo and the vampire botherer is volunteering her assistance to the needy. Sadly she’s not much use as after five minutes she gets menaced by a big ball of smoke and we cut away.

We then meet the catatonic woman in more lively times as she and her son and her wife are viewing the same house - it’s a flashback you see. Soon they are all either staring at the ceiling or fighting with the bath as hands and faces reach out to ruin their days.

Back in the present Gellar is talking to the cops who recount earlier tales of woe from the haunted house. For some reason they haven’t boarded it up despite it taking care of more Americans than Pearl Harbour. Gellar does some handy online research and finds that several unexplained deaths have occurred at the house since the tragic death of a young boy - could this be the same one who keeps popping up as people start to scream?

The curse of the house gets mobile and starts to bother people from afar. Gellar is worried that she may be cursed, but before she can act the police chief is heading over to the demonic detached with some cans of petrol. Elsewhere Gellar’s boyfriend has been reading her research and is heading over for a look - huge mistake. Gellar runs over to save her man and solve the mystery but wait - Bill Pullman has moved in - isn’t he dead? Will the hairy wide eyed girl shriek some more and will someone please feed that cat?

This was a decent enough film but you could see it was a Hollywood makeover from  the start with all the affecting and original stuff looking out of place against the American enclave that has apparently moved to Tokyo, complete with near perfect Japanese. Gellar and Pullman get no sympathy from me whatsoever what with her big jumper and him dropping splinters in every scene.

The curse angle was overplayed with literally every house occupant getting a dose - don’t these cops keep records? The first time the familiar long haired girl appeared it was quite chilling but half a dozen times later you’re like ‘come on love, get a new act’. The creepy small boy was overused too but I liked him appearing in the background even when the characters didn’t spot him.

The deaths were mostly off screen with a lost lower jaw the worst of the gore. People by and large just disappeared which may be a bit scary but give me a zombie invasion any day. The ending was unsatisfying as it cried ‘here comes the sequel’ and nothing much was explained apart from ‘it’s a haunted house , live with it’.

The film was probably better in its day but for now it seems a pretty blunt and unsophisticated horror flick that relied on cheap scares over any slow burning fear or menace.

THE Tag Line - You’ll Grudge the £2 Rental   56%