No.155 : The Stuff (1985)

The Stuff at the IMDb

I remember seeing posters for ‘The Stuff’ when it was realised in 1985 and thinking it looked interesting. Sadly it was ‘R’ rated and I was too busy with ‘S.S. Experiment Camp’ and Cannibal Ferox. Simpler times when you are 14! I came across it again on a trawl through Amazon Prime and thought I’d give it a go. Sadly some films should remain as posters on the wall in the Muirhead Café’s video department for all time!

We encounter the titular stuff in the first moments of the film. A man, who couldn’t be mistaken for an actor, finds the white stuff bubbling through the snow and has a taste. He’s a brave man - this was the era of white dog shit remember! He deems it delicious as does his friend - before we know it everyone is tucking into to this tasty marvel and the ice cream industry is getting nervous.

They have tried to analyse the mysterious foodstuff with no success. They had also tried to bribe The Food & Drug Administration for some details but all those involved in its approval are now dead or on holiday. Their only option is to hire corporate spy Mo Rutherford to get the low down on the mysterious morsel. Mo, played by Michael Moriarty, is an annoying know it all with a slow drawl and cowboy boots. He gets results however and has soon recruited The Stuff’s head of marketing to his endeavour.

Meanwhile a young lad is waging his own campaign against the stuff. He saw it moving about on its own in the fridge and tries to stop anyone eating it. Sadly his acting school must have burnt down as no one believes him. That is until he joins up with Mo and Mo’s unfortunately named accomplice ‘Chocolate Chip Charlie’. Wouldn’t happen today, I can tell you.

The investigation takes a few predictable turns and we are treated to some dreadful model work, as a dog and then a man contort violently when the stuff exits their bodies, leaving empty husks behind. Soon the source of the stuff is located. Can it’s inexorable conquest of greedy people continue unabated? Or will that old ‘stolen uniform’ plan work as usual?

I enjoyed the start of ‘The Stuff’ but it soon ran out of puff and I was struggling to see it through to it’s predictable ending, where it may not all be over after all!

The themes of addiction, corporate greed and an exploding dog are well worn and were handled with all of the subtlety of a sledgehammer wrapped in another sledgehammer. The ultimate source and point of the stuff was never really explored - it was just there, it was exploited and it was bad for people. I’m sure it was a metaphor for something, as the white ooze became additive and then consumed people, but I was too busy eating my McFlurry to work it out.

There were a couple of minor star turns with Danny Aiello and Paul Sorvino off ‘Goodfellas’ hamming it up for no worthwhile purpose. I did like some of the special effects, including a reworking of the spinning room out of ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ but it was strange that these sat cheek by jowl with some absolutely risible effects that wouldn’t have made the cut of kids’ TV show ‘Knightmare’.

I could see how the film would be a cult classic as some of the dialogue and effects are just the thing that trendy post modernists would love to have a go at. Unlike me. I did see a few lifts taken by ‘The World’s End’ and there was a decent amount of invention for a budget that seemed to run out half way through.

There wasn’t enough development in the threat for me and it just seemed a straight forward outing of danger followed by a pat resolution. The film is barely 90 minutes but I had had enough of ‘The Stuff’ long before the credits rolled.

The Tag Line : Stuff This 56%

No.140 : The Double (2013)

The Double at the IMDb

More double trouble now as we follow Richard Gere’s double agent misadventures with a more literal double. Who will win the Double Duel? Probably this one as Gere was gash.

This is a bit more art house than we are used to on The Definite Article Blog, with the film being an adaptation of the book of the same name by Dostoevsky. Don’t worry, it’s directed by and stars most of ‘The I.T. Crowd’ so how high brow can it be? The answer is ‘reasonably’ as things like metaphor and symbolism crop up, meaning we have to pay attention, lest we look a bit thick.

Jesse Eisenberg stars as James a clerk in a dystopian workhouse where he inputs data for seemingly no purpose. The drones all work for James Fox’s Colonel who, although cheery in his TV ads, seems a bit sinister. James’ immediate boss, Mr Papadopolous, doesn’t know his name - ‘Inconceivable!’ (it’s the guy out of ‘The Princess Bride’!) - but asks him to tutor his punk daughter in the ways of the company.

James however is more interested in co-worker Hannah but is too shy to ask for a date, instead settling on going through her rubbish to reconstruct her ripped up art. He also has a mother in a care home where everyone is armed and Sidekick Simon is head orderly.

James’ dull but predictable life is upset when a new worker, Simon starts. He is Simon James whilst our man is James Simon. That’s not the worst of it - they are exactly alike in looks and clothes, the only difference being is that Simon is a hit with the ladies and basically everything James is not on the personality front.

Despite some initial friction the two start to work together with James doing Simon’s work and Simon giving James coaching in the ways of love. Slowly the two seem to merge with injuries to one manifesting on the other. The lines get blurred and it’s not always clear who is who. Could they be one and the same? Is this a lesson in duality and in the different personalities that inhabit us all? What will the end game be? Who’ll get the girl, and does it really matter?

I quite liked this film but it was heavy going in places and seemed long even at its trim 90 minutes running time. The bleak world was well realised with more than a few nods given and debts owed to Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’. The grey and beige world had an Eastern European feel, and the pointless work in the crumbling office was well observed. The cast were uniformly good, playing deadpan at ridiculous set ups and in pointless exchanges. The whole tone was one of claustrophobia and oppression and you were keen to escape this world as soon as possible - I don’t think I’ll be buying the DVD!

The only bright spot was  an adventure show on TV with Paddy Considine as a kick-ass hero. This was lifted wholesale from ‘Storm Saxon’ in ‘V for Vendetta’ but it was good fun. It was also enjoyable to see Chris Morris, Chris O’Dowd and Tim Key pop up in small but funny roles. All played against type as faceless bureaucrats keen only to get their form completed and filed away.

The film was generally unsettling but an interesting essay on the nature of self and the duality that exists within us all. If that sounds a bit like student wankery don’t blame me - the film started it!

THE Tag Line - Twice the Jesses - Double the fun 68%

No.56 : The Joneses (2009)

The Joneses at the IMDb

You have of course heard of the expression ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ well now you can watch the film version. What next? ‘Pot Calling the Kettle Black : The Smackdown’?

The film’s slight premise makes it almost as disposable as the consumerism message but if you like beautiful people showing off with a hit of morality to sweeten the deal ‘The Joneses’ may just be the thing for you.

The film opens with a yuppie couple, David Duchovny and Demi Moore, arriving at their new home with their two kids. Their house is swanky and their cars are delivered on a trailer. Their house has no expense spared with every gadget and aspirational gadget you could wish for. So far so American dream, but all is not as it seems.

The family are actually a group of actors who are placed in affluent communities to show off all the gadgets and accessories that people don’t realise they actually want or really need. It starts off quite low key with a dinner party for the neighbours but pretty soon Demi is flashing the dessert packaging and David is waving his new golf clubs under his buddies’ noses.

As you would expect cracks start to show and the frankly quite communist message of ‘stuff isn’t everything’ starts to creep in. A promo for cheap booze goes wrong when a girl gets hurt drunk driving and the Jones boy gets a slap for trying to kiss his jock buddy. The slutty daughter gets undone when her romance sours and the inevitable sexual tension between the two leads boils over.

Meanwhile the neighbours are buying all the crap they can to keep up with the Joneses and soon the debts start to build. As we reach the tragic climax our materialistic heroes have to winder if love can find a way and whether they can give up that frankly very nice Audi.

‘The Joneses’ is an OK sort of film but I bet those who enjoy it most will be the same people who run out to buy the earrings that Demi flaunts. People like nice stuff and although the anti-greed message is sledge hammered home you are still left wondering where David got that nice running top.

The two leads do quite well and although there isn’t a lot of chemistry between them that’s kind of the point. That is undone somewhat in the last ten minutes when you are expected to believe that they actually are in love and giving it all up for a chance of happiness.

Of the second string I liked Bill Lumbergh as the neighbour with the demanding wife. His desperation was a good counter point to the vapid lead characters although he could do with a bit of training on how to ride that lawn mower.

The central premise of the film that corporations put families in communities to sell their products seemed a bit flawed with their reach and cost seemingly untenable. I know people will tell you that it’s a parable and a commentary on our consumer society but you think Audi would sell more cars by, well, putting them in a movie where everyone says ‘That’s a nice car’ a lot.

The message is somewhat lost amid all the product placement but overall the film is worth a look but maybe only as a late night TV fix. Don’t go buying the DVD - that’s what they want you to do!

THE Tag Line : Needs a Hard Sell 61%