Wednesday, 6 February 2013

No.68 : The Apparition

The Apparition at IMDb

My in-depth research for this film showed that it appeared on several ‘Worst of 2012’ lists. Not one to be swayed by lesser critics I sat down with an open mind, but have it say it really is a pile of crap.

We open with a couple of captions detailing ‘The Charles Experiment’ where a bunch of 70s types tried some table tapping to contact the other side of the spirit world. They are armed with the worst portrait you’ll ever see and some shaky camera work that would shame a porno. This group, who look like a bunch of Open University lecturers, get a bit of table shake for their money and this encourages a bunch of present day students to recreate the experiment.

An unseen camera man is bossed about by Draco off Harry Potter and the experiment goes well - a bit too well, as you’d probably guess.

We cut to a pleasant young couple; he’s installing home entertainment systems while she works at a vet. They are house-sitting for her mother in a new development and as expected things start to go a bit creepy. Well if a dirty counter top and some mould fit your definition of ‘creepy’ that is. Things start to escalate however, with the house seemingly haunted and having a penchant for killing the neighbour’s dog.

The girl starts nosing about her boyfriend’s stuff and finds that he was in fact the camera man from the opening scenes. The extended cut of the footage reveals that a girl participant was sucked through a wall never to be seen again - except in the boyfriend’s photos.

It transpires that the boyfriend rather than the house is being haunted, although it does get a bit muddled at this point. Why is the spirit targeting the girl who had no involvement in the table tapping? Something to do with the strength of will or something - once you submit to the bogeyman, that’s it.

They reenlist Draco and after lots of techo-gubbins they clean the house of all spirits including the one who crawls out of the tumble dryer in a scene laughingly reminiscent of ‘The Ring’. Of course they haven’t and soon the beer swilling Draco is off to the other side. The hapless pair run to Draco’s house where he has a ghost proof chamber - alas it’s as much use as a cock flavoured lollypop and soon it’s down to just the girl.

With her strong spirit no doubt she’ll stand up to the ghoul and not just get groped in a strip mall camping store? Oh wait…

This film is a total mess from the off and its own saving grace is that it runs for only 70 minutes excluding credits. The premise ‘Once you believe you die’ is never mentioned and I can only imagine that plot strand ended up on the cutting room floor - either that or they had the idea once shooting finished and though ‘Let’s just use it anyway’. Indeed that poster is spoiler heaven as it depicts the final seconds of the film.

The main couple are likable enough but a bit bland and far too modest for this ‘B’ movie fodder. Indeed the shower scene, which serves only to leave the soap a bit darker, would make a ‘Wash and Go’ commercial seem seedy in comparison.

The motivation of the spirit was never touched on and he’d no back-story that we were advised of. Nonsense about him ‘growing smarter’ with each kill was tacked on and to be honest given the smarts of his victims he’s still years away from qualifying as a moron.

If this was a film school project you’d jeer but as a major studio release it’s a total embarrassment. Probably worth a look for that alone!

THE Tag Line :  Apparently pish? Confirmed  27%

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