Friday 24 November 2017

No. 129 : The Destructors (1974)



 This film is also known as ‘The Marseilles Contract’ which might be a better and more relevant title but until we start doing a French cities movie blog ‘The Destructors’ it is. Hmmm ‘Dunkirk’, ‘Paris, Texas’, ’Bergerac’.. that idea has potential!

Anyway a side project of watching a lot of Michael Caine films drew me to this effort that has rightly been forgotten. It was made in 1974 in the middle of Caine’s ‘Paycheque first, script second’ phase, and it shows through the mercifully short 89 minutes run time.

The film opens with a man being crushed to death by a big Citroen. The man must have eaten too many croissants as the car is hardly moving before it pins him to a wall and crushes the life from him. Alas the script must have been in his pocket as any signs of life in that are extinguished too - and we‘ve not had the credits yet!.

We learn that the flattened citizen is in fact a U.S. D.E.A. agent who was on the trail of James Mason’s drug baron, Brizard. Mason has protection from on high and beleaguered policeman Anthony Quinn decides to hire an assassin to take him down. He is somewhat surprised when the assassin turns out to be Michael Caine - well wouldn’t you be?

We have already met Caine who was bedecked in double denim and shown to be a man of culture - we know this as he fixes his hi-fi so he can play Beethoven’s 5th while a tarty lady lies in his bed. Caine takes on the hit and proceeds to seduce Mason’s daughter so he can get into the inner sanctum - and into Mason’s house too.

The two men get on well and Caine does the odd job for Mason such as tossing an enemy off a half constructed building - just like he did to Alf Roberts in ‘Get Carter’! News of a big drugs shipment heading to Marseilles brings things to the boil and we have to wonder who Caine’s loyalties lie with and why are two Englishmen and a Greek causing al this bother to the poor old French.

This was a terrible, forgettable film with only a couple of minor, unintended, laughs to save it from being a complete washout. Caine plays himself, as usual, and sports some hideous outfits including shades at night and a red and black leather jacket that looks like a refugee from the ‘Thriller ‘ video. He’s not in the best of shape and puffs his way through the ‘action’ sequences - except when the stuntman takes over. Indeed, one of the highlights was a totally pointless motorcycle scene where the least convincing stuntman double since ‘The Omega Man’ does wheelies about some Parisian streets.

The plot is unnecessarily complex with Caine’s infiltration angle totally pointless - never heard of a sniper rifle Mike? Given the ending, a ticket to the dancing would have served just as well too! There is a half decent car chase cum seduction scene that was later replicated in ‘Goldeneye’ but it was telling of the budget that the only car that was destroyed was an old Citroen that the Luftwaffe missed.

From the title down this film is a baffling mess and totally merits James Mason’s constant disparaging look of ‘Oh I’ve just stepping in a turd’ - starred in one more like!

THE Tag Line : Hit Man Misses the Mark 35%

Thursday 2 November 2017

No.128 : The Handmaiden (2016)




 Sometimes Worlds Collide when you have a few movie blogs and undocumented challenges. One such event precipitated my viewing of ‘The Handmaiden’ as I checked up to see if I was still able to claim that I’d seen every film on the IMDb top 250. Alas I had only seen 242 and although some like ‘Dead Poets Society’ and ‘Paper Moon’ will be picked up without comment, this effort at No.246 merits some Definite Article assessment.

It’s a subtitled Korean film that runs for 140 minutes - but don’t let that put you off - there are ample things to keep you interested such as a lush period setting and an intricate yet enjoyable plot. Oh and some hardcore lesbian sex; it has that too.

The film is set in the 1930’s during Japan’s occupation of Korea. We meet some street urchin mums who are vying for a job. We learn that 'career criminal' is the local trade and one girl hooks up with local villain ‘The Count’ to enact an elaborate scam on a Japanese heiress. The Count is a career con man and plans to seduce the heiress for her cash before decanting her to the nut house. The young girl, Sook-Hee, takes on the job as handmaiden to the heiress so she can facilitate The Count’s trip into the heiress’ bed and indeed, bank account.

The film is split into three acts and the first deals with the plan and how it plays out initially. The heiress has an aged uncle who has fallen on hard times and makes his living by forging dirty books which he has the heiress read to a group of seedy noblemen in the hope that they'll buy one for the long rickshaw ride home. The language here is a bit saucy, although they use a lot of metaphor. Either that or someone’s ‘Jade Gate’ is going to need hosed down in the morning. The Uncle also has designs on the fortune so our crafty pair have to outsmart him as well as avoid the usual pitfalls of falling in love and being played themselves.

The plan goes well until there is a masterful wrong foot and then Act 2 begins. This replays many of the events we have already witnessed, but from different characters' perspectives. Things that seemed plain to see are spun in different directions and it’s unclear who is playing who and for what ends. I won’t spoil the outcome here but there were plenty of surprising turns and others not so shocking, but welcome nonetheless.

The initial sex scenes were somewhat tame but once retold the story got a lot more explicit - a bit like the Uncle’s smutty drawings. The webs of deceit were expertly spun and the film flew past as various preconceptions were blown away and replaced with something even more shocking but still plausible.

You will need to give the film your full attention so as not to miss a lot of the subtle, and not so subtle hints. It is elegantly shot with high production values - it’s only a shame that the evil old Uncle looked about 30 with a grey wig on. There is some really nasty violence and some full on lesbian sex - but I was prepared to endure this for the excellent story that emerged, that captivated and surprised in equal measure.

Overall this is a worthy addition to the IMDb Top 250 and indeed to this fine blog!

THE Tag Line : ‘The Scissor Sisters in Concert!’ 85%