Sunday, 10 March 2013
No.77 : The Honeymooners
The Honeymooners at the IMDb
A film with a score below 3 on IMDb can’t have too much to recommend it, can it? Well some may, but it won’t be this total dog turd of an effort
There is no reason why this is even called ‘The Honeymooners’ - it bears no resemblance to the TV show of that name and the couple involved are married six years. Still maybe they are going for brand recognition and surely it’ll be a fun, knockabout comedy with winning characters? Nah.
Our hero Ralph, played by the total misnomer Cedric the Entertainer, is a loveable loser. He has dreams of being rich and when we meet him he’s planning to make a killing with his Y2K survival kit. He drives a bus and tells a pretty passenger of his dreams and she shares hers. Like Del Boy next year they’ll be millionaires. Predictably the next caption is ‘Six Years Later’ and we find the couple, now married, stuck in their same ruts.
They live cheek by jowl with Ed and Tixie and true to form the brother is as thick as pig shit while is wife is the brains of the outfit. Why the two women both work as waitresses despite being super sharp isn’t touched upon.
Anyway the one white guy in the cast, played by an embarrassed Eric Stoltz, is a yuppie asshole who for some reason does his business deals in a diner. He plans to buy an old woman’s duplex and turn it into apartments. The waitress wives overhear and offer to buy the house, keeping the area Stoltz free. Alas they don’t have the cash as Cedric has spunked their savings on a new scheme to buy a train car, meaning the rest of the film is a scramble so they can swindle the old bat out of her house rather than let big business take the spoils.
After a few padding scenes of them trying to raise a dollar, complete with an overbearing R&B soundtrack, they find a dog in a dumpster and of course it is a champion grey hound. They enlist a poor John Leguizamo to train it up and soon the race is on. Will the dog win the conveniently deposit sized purse of $20k or will one of the seeds planted earlier in the film spring up and award an unlikely conclusion?
This is a terrible mirth free affair. The main loveable loser is nothing of the sort with every advantage gained being at the expense of some poor schmuck who gets swindled. They are meant to come across as rascals but in the real world they’d be pulling 20 at Rykers.
The humour is unsophisticated to the extent of being insulting to morons - “I know every inch of the sewer system” immediately followed by him walking into a big pipe - hilarious, I trust you disagree. The two leads are equally bad but they can thank the script for that. Well their terrible delivery and total lack of empathy helped too.
The wives were your standard smart wife with an unfeasible fat/stupid husband, a combination seen only in the movies. The cast does have a few familiar faces dotted about but nothing can save the execrable plot that is almost devoid of any surprise apart from a few ‘hmmm bullshit!’ moments.
On the plus side New York looks fine and it is quite short at less than 90 minutes but that’s about it.
THE Tag Line - Divorce Yourself From This Crap! 17%