The film opens with two men confronting each other with one demanding the other shoots him. There’s the usual nonsense about street cred and respect before we dissolve to ‘1 month before’. Oh good, a non-linear narrative - this one takes about an hour to unwind so you could really just fast forward it and you wouldn’t miss much.
We meet Adam, a scarred youth of mixed race who runs the local estate. Not in a civic amenities sense, more that he’s in charge of the brawling and the drugs. Someone has blabbed to the cops so he carries out a public slashing with his soon to be signature move with a Stanley knife. He’s concerned that he isn’t getting the respect he deserves and hates hearing about ‘The Guvnors’ a group of football hooligans from 20 years ago.
Meanwhile city worker Mitch is having problems of his own. His workers are obsessed with street fight videos on Youtube and his own son is a right wee prick who bullies his classmates. It turns out that Mitch was the leader of the Guvnors but left 20 years ago when he fell in love.
Adam’s gang decide on flexing their muscles in the Guvnors’ old pub but end up getting handed their asses by retired gym owner Mickey, played by an unrecognisable David Essex. Essex enjoys a brief moment of viral video success but soon the feral youth are at his door and jumping on his head.
The police are ineffective - possibly because they have home made uniforms and possibly because they have recruited comedian Richard Blackwood for some unfathomable reason. It’s therefore up to the Guvnors to reclaim the streets and to avenge Essex. Will it all end in tears? You betcha!
This was a terrible offering but to be honest I did enjoy the ‘what cliché next’ game that the film offers throughout. I also enjoyed its aspirations, looking as it did to set what was essentially a squalid street brawl as something from a Greek Tragedy. There were efforts made with the sepia toned flashbacks being a nice touch, although ‘Wembley Stadium‘ looked like the local dog track. The eulogising of the Guvnors was a mistake as they just came across as a bunch of self satisfied thugs despite efforts to make them look like the less bad option for the estate.
The feral youth were no better. The lead villain Adam, who was played by someone out of Rizzle Kicks (apparently) was very poor. He’s slightly built and talked very slowly. I’m sure that was to give him some menace and gravitas but he just came across as a slow learner who’d won a competition to be in a film.
The big twist of a dynastic struggle was signalled from far off and the massed pitched battle finale made ‘Game of Thrones’ look like, well, Game of Thrones. The themes of trying to escape your past, destiny and fate were all touched upon, but soon set aside in favour of another whack over the head with a house brick.
I imagine the target audience for this film would lap up the sadistic violence and hooliganism but it made me just want a shower as the credits rolled. A guilty pleasure or just plain guilty of making a bunch of scumbags look like heroes? Second one.
The Tag Line : Complete With Anchorman Style Pitched Battle! 45%
