No.191 : The Trust (2016)

The Trust at the IMDb

This is one of five films made by Nicholas Cage in 2016, so you know it has to be good, what with all that practice. ‘The Trust’ is probably best known as the final film of Jerry Lewis, but he has barely a minute on screen.

The film opens with two Las Vegas policemen starting their day. Cage’s Jim is meticulous and organised whereas his friend David (Froddo) is having sex with a hooker and smoking drugs. The pair work at the evidence locker and plan ways of making a big score to get out.

Cage is disrespected by his corrupt seniors who want the best pickings from the evidence locker from themselves. He has a look over a drug dealer’s car and sees that his $200k bail was paid by cash. He thinks that the dealer works for a rich operation and decides to go undercover, on his own time as a hotel waiter, so he can follow his target’s activities.

Woods meanwhile stakes out the target’s apartment and they discover that goods go in but none come out. They also find a large safe in the plans for the building and make plans to rob it. There is a bit of planning and a reveal that Cage may not be as nice as he seems at first.

The robbery goes poorly from the off as the occupants in the flat above aren’t immediately agreeable to being the base for the drilling operation, with one chap getting shot and the lady being chained up. The plan to burrow into the safe goes well, despite an issue with the drill, and soon they are in the vault which holds a lot more than anticipated. Wood gets cold feet and starts to worry about what Cage has planned for him. Cage starts to display his trademark mania and we just know that both are not going to get clean away.

This was a decent, workmanlike heist movie that tapered off towards the end. I quite liked the planning stages and Ethan Suplee’s Russian roulette loving policeman. I liked that when they went for plans or when they ordered the drill that they were immediate thought to be crooked, despite their elaborate cover story.

The heist was less good with it starting wordlessly like ‘Riffifi’ and being overlaid by some Grieg. This couldn’t last however and it quickly spiralled down to a lot of shouting and double crosses. The twist at the end was well handled with the moment of realisation being a solid ‘Ahhh’ realisation as it all became apparent.

The characters weren’t overly deep, with their motivations not being clear - since when was too much money been an issue with a robbery? Just take a wee bit of the loot if it bothers you!

The two leads gelled well at first, but like the plot they kind of lost their way at the end. Wood’s empathy for the hostage wasn’t borne out by what had gone before and his behaviour towards Cage just smacked of ‘this will surprise them’.

I do always like a robbery film, especially when the safe door cracks open. In this case however, it was when the money arrived that things fell apart. A decent if uneven effort.

THE Tag Line : Open It! Open It ! Open It! X 10  65%

No.153 : The Quiet (2005)

The Quiet at the IMDb

Sitting with a hangover ‘The Quiet’ seemed like a good choice. The film has some pretty dark themes but at least it has no loud noises or explosions.

We open with a bit of duff narration from Dot who is a deaf mute. We wonder from the off if she really is because she’s doing the voiceover! She talks about being half a person when another is there and a third when two people are there. This lessons in fractions was reminiscent of Steve Martin discussing how time felt in ‘The Jerk’.

Dot is an orphan whose Mum died when she was seven, and her deaf father recently when he lost an argument with a truck. She moves in with the dysfunctional Deer family who are her Godparents. Their bitchy cheerleader daughter, Nina (A slightly too old Elisha Cuthbert), isn’t happy with the new resident and badmouths her in front of her parents, safe in the knowledge that she can’t hear.

The parents have their own issues with Mrs Soprano maintaining the drug habit she earned on ‘Nurse Jackie’ and the Dad being a bit too keen on his daughter. At school the Nina and her friend Michelle are the stereotypical high school bitches whilst Dot is left on her own. She does however catch the eye of troubled jock Connor, who fancies Dot more than Michelle who is frankly laying it on a plate for him.

In the background of this typical high school affair is the spectre of abuse as Dad visits Nina’s room most nights whilst Mum pretends that she can’t hear anything going on.

Obviously everyone has issues and is basically mental - who’s nuttiness will ratchet up first? Who’s for the chop and will Dot’s voice be heard?

I quite enjoyed this film although it wasn’t too substantial and made even less sense.

Nina is 17 and the frankly creepy Dad is well overdue a pounding and not in a good way. Nina plots his demise but gets her head turned by a new bag. There is also a subplot of her bitchy friend making lesbian advances towards her as they sleep over in baby doll nightdresses. Not sure what was being conveyed here but a rewatch is already in the plans!

Camilla Belle had a tough job as Dot as she wasn’t exactly engaging and she just smiled and looked blank a lot. I get that she had regressed into herself as a defence mechanism but I wasn’t buying her deaf mute routine. At no time in the last twenty years had she never stood on a nail or let out a yell when a late goal busted her coupon?

The high school romances, complete with the prom, were well worn paths, but I am a sucker for the popular kids being right cows. The troubled jock Connor was a bit of a pain and I don’t know why his seduction technique was to talk about how often he jerked off. Worked though!

The inevitable finale was signalled from way off and the big reveal was nothing of the kind. Still they all healed a bit (apart from Dad!) and learned that the quiet after the storm was the best bit.

All in all a decent, if uneven, effort that had some worthwhile ideas which weren’t fully realised.

The Tag Line : Tony’s wife asks if she’s fat   65%

No.112 : The Switch (1993)

The Switch at the IMDb

 Bill Lumbergh off ‘Office Space’  stars in this 1993 true life drama that has nothing to do with the spunk swapping we enjoyed back in number 95.

‘The Switch’ in this case is an on/off switch for a life support machine that our paralysed hero insists on having installed. Bill plays Larry McAfee who in the opening scene suffers a catastrophic motorcycle accident that leaves him paralysed below the neck. We witness his treatment which is intercut with a tampon advert’s of sport and bonding as Larry retreats into his memories. We also get to witness him going over the bars of his bike in glorious slo-mo.

We cut to a year later and Larry is mobile in a straw controlled wheelchair but his insurance cash is running out. His hapless parents find him an evil hospital in Texas where they aren’t very nice and give him his bed baths at night. These scene are well done with Larry’s POV giving us an insight of his helpless situation.

After 4 years he’s been bounced around various hospitals with his smart mouth and quick temper meaning his welcome never lasts long. He manages to engage a lawyer and proposes his patented ‘switch’ idea that will allow him to kill himself without anyone risking charges for helping him. His plight also gets the attention of a talk radio host who must be great as he has Beverly D’angelo as an assistant and wife.

Larry manages to get court approval for his switch but the publicity the case garners encourages the DJ to have Larry on the show and get him a straw powered phone. This new outlet for his thoughts helps Larry regain his will to live as do some quality days out in the park and some nice cleavage rich shaving with Beverly.

Despite these steps forward Larry is still keen on flicking the switch and the DJ agrees, despite Larry moving to a new state where his judgement doesn’t apply. After a strange night time car park handover the switch is obtained and installed. Will Larry make the three puffs that will stop his oxygen or is it just control over his own life he needs?

It’s the second one, and soon in an assisted living facility Larry is making friends and learning some new software that may allow him to get back to work. The other residents resent Larry’s switch that they think it makes it too convenient for able bodied folk to see their disabled friends switch themselves off. But soon his spirit and refocused energy wins them over. Can Larry make a life for himself and will the switch ever be used?

This was a pretty much by the numbers ‘triumph over adversity’ bio-pic with lots of setbacks followed by life affirming achievement. It was enjoyable however with a great and recognisable cast. Gary Cole is excellent as the lead although sometimes he moves a bit more than is supposedly possible when he gets anxious. There is a lot of sentimentality and it is clearly packaged as a tear jerker for the Lifetime Network.

They did well to paint Larry as a bit of a dick but still likeable throughout. The uplifting musical cues every time a worthy speech was uttered did get a bit grating but give the guy a break, he’s had a tough time!

THE Tag Line - You Won’t Switch Off Either! 65%

No.109 : The Raven (2012)

The Raven at the IMDb

John Cusack stars as Edgar Allen Poe in this film, which isn’t so much as a bio-pic as a sexed up fantasy depiction of the writer’s final days.

We open with the Victorian era Baltimore police breaking into a locked apartment. They know a killer is in the room as the door was just locked, but find no one apart from a couple of dead bodies. After scratching their heads a young detective finds a hidden switch on a nailed down window frame, which causes it to open and reveal the killer’s means of egress. The detective reveals his moment of inspiration came from a book he’d read, but who had written it?

Meanwhile Poe is having a hard time. His newspaper editor refuses to print his review, the barman denies him credit and the father of his new love chases him off with a gun. It could be worse though - he could be the bloke getting chopped in two by a fragging great pendulum.

With the bodies piling up the detective realises that someone is killing people in the manner of deaths from Poe’s books. He enlists the help of the manic author and the two manage to deduce the likely location of the next murder - the masked ball hosted by Poe’s lover’s father - good old Brendan Gleeson, on moderate shouty form.

Things don’t go as planned and the mysterious killer achieves his true aim - to kidnap Poe’s love in a bid to coax more works from him. What follows is a series of clues that lead to more deaths and dead ends. All the while Poe’s lover is buried underground and only Poe’s daily stories in the paper can keep her alive until the puzzle is solved.

I quite enjoyed this film despite it being really farfetched. It was almost like CSI Victorian Baltimore with a steam punk Poe in the lead. I always had Poe down as a quiet bookish man but how wrong I was - he chases villains on horseback while shooting his pistol gangsta style!

The film opened well and like I liked the central idea of a killer employing Poe’s macabre methods of death to gain the scribe’s attention. It did however go downhill once the kidnapping took place and towards the end it was like a ‘Comic Strip Presents’ version of his life with Hollywood demanding more heroics at every turn.

The deaths were pretty good although the majority were only seen after the fact. The unmasking of the villain didn’t make a lot of sense and you have to wonder where he got the means and indeed time to set up his elaborate murders.

I felt Cusack was miscast and too tall and dashing for the role. His usual mania was present and correct and although he was playing a drug addled drunk, I never got beyond the feeling he was hamming it up. Gleeson was a bit better, but his character’s 180 degree turn in his feelings for Poe was misjudged. The Detective character needed a bit more presence and again he went from contempt to hero worship in his feelings for Poe in 30 seconds.

The effects were largely OK although I don’t know why they needed a ‘follow the bullet’ shot that seemed incongruous with the rest of the film. That said it was directed by ‘V For Vendetta’ helmer James McTeigue which also explains the shot of the baddie jumping from the roof which was lifted wholesale, hat and all, from that much better film.

‘The Raven’ is a decent enough distraction but it fails to be the equal of its parts and the whole thing seems more than a bit silly long before the end.

THE Tag Line : You Won't Rue (Morgue) Watching It  - 65%

No.57 : The Ghost (2010)

The Ghost at the IMDb

No spooks here; ‘The Ghost’ in question is a ghost writer hired to re-write the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister after the original scribe takes a dive off a ferry.

The story is so clearly based around a certain former PM that they could have called it ‘The Tony Blair Story’ and it wouldn’t have been any more obvious.

Anyway the writer in question is played by Ewan McGregor who starts off with an annoying accent that he wisely ditches early on. He’s hard drinking and lacking in scruples especially when $250k is dangled for the re write job. He heads off to Massachusetts to meet the former PM who is played by Pierce Brosnan in his usual dependable but predictable manner. He is married to the feisty Olivia Williams and has the slutty one off ‘Sex and the City’ as an assistant.

As Ewan and Pierce start to go over the latter’s life a story breaks of war crime charges being brought against the former James Bond by his former Foreign Secretary. Ewan has to move into Brosnan's home to get away from the protesters and is soon moving into his wife as well. Now ensconced into the dead ghost writer’s room he discovers some photos and a phone number which lead him to betray his lazy hack credentials and begin an investigation that’ll threaten his life and reveal some frankly quite dull conspiracies.

‘The Ghost’ is a decent enough thriller but the finale lets it down badly as do the revelations which are pretty low key. The mystery itself takes an age to unravel and some of the conundrums like the conflicting dates had to be slowly explained to me to reveal their minor significance.

Other well worn devices like the checking of the sat-nav and the most helpful Google searches you’ll ever see make the whole thing seem a bit pat. There is a small element of danger introduced with the familiar ‘men in black car following’ used to no real effect.

Of the cast Olivia Williams is the best as the ‘power behind the throne’ wife although her bed hopping antics didn’t really ring true. Brosnan is OK as the slightly unhinged and a bit dumb former PM and McGregor is decent in a significant role. Obviously working with director Roman Polanski is a great draw to the acting community with familiar faces all over the place which can sometimes hinder a film as the audience keep stepping out the narrative to say ‘what was he in again?’.

At over two hours the film drags on a bit and when the foreign secretary gets out the manuscript and starts reading I thought we were going to see him read every word. The direction and script were fine but for the most part the film was a bit of an anti-climax where not a lot happens. A similar but far more enjoyable film is ‘Spartan’ and if you’d two hours to kill I’d go with that.

THE Tag Line - Ghost Lacks Fright Or Bite 65%

No.27 : The Rebound (2009)

The Rebound at the IMDb

The second phase of the definite movie review (did you spot the linking device, did you?) opens with this decent if slightly empty age gap rom-com.

It stars Catherine Zeta-Jones, who has her own experience of age gaps affairs although she’s usually the younger one of the pairing. In this she’s a supposed ‘MILF’ who leaves her husband when he inadvertently videos himself getting some ‘special attention’ at their son’s birthday party, while Catherine does to Tina Turner what Ike always tried to.

She moves to New York with her two sassy kids and rents the kind of apartment that can only be found by struggling single moms when they are lucky enough to be appearing in a Hollywood movie. She bumps into romantic interest Aram who is played by the annoying side kick guy off the ‘National Treasure’ movies at the coffee shop where he works.

Aram is on the rebound himself as he’s just been dumped by his French wife who used him to get a green card. Sparks don’t fly at first but when he’s employed as the attack dummy at her female defence class the pair start to click. Initially the relationship is employer/babysitter buts after a few disasterous dates Catherine decides to take a chance on the smitten youth.

Meanwhile, her implausible love of sports statistics see her get a job at a sports TV station and as love blossoms so does her confidence and pretty soon she’s looking to grab a presenting job. As you’d expect trouble looms on the horizon on various fronts from his pushy parents, to her domineering ex-husband to his French wife who is keen to get back together as she is in danger of being deported.

After a few predictable bumps in the road we have to wonder how the pair are going to get back together, because you can bet your bottom dollar they will. And they do.

Although it runs to a predictable three act formula this is a likable film with a few genuine laughs to raise its average along the way. The central pairing are a good match and it doesn’t look like there is 15 years between them - maybe because in reality there are barely nine. Zeta-Jones looks great and certainly fills the sexy older women credentials in her tight tops and black lingerie. Justin Bartha as Aram is a bit wet and his 'too wounded to love' act is a bit annoying, but he works well with the kids and holds his end up pretty well.

The best parts of the film mostly involve the second string with Art Garfunkel doing a great turn as Aram’s inappropriate comment spewing Dad. I also liked the female defence instructor with her un-pc remarks - especially when one woman said ‘but I’m a lesbian’ and she deadpans ‘See me after class’.

As regular movie watchers will testify the path of movie love never runs true and of course hiccups were planted about an hour in. We were never in any doubt that the pair would meet again but Aram’s quest to find himself was a bit barf inducing especially when he was feeding the starving in Africa - can’t he just go out and get drunk with his pals like everyone else.

There were a few edgy laughs and a couple of F-bombs that seemed a bit out of place, almost like they were trying for a ‘15’ certificate to get a more hardcore audience. That’ll work! I did like the date scenes especially the man who went for a dump in a street side cubicle and kept the conversation going before trying to hand feed the Welsh beauty with his unwashed hands. Lovely highbrow stuff always works with me.

If you owe your other half a romantic movie you could do worse than ‘The Rebound’ which has a couple of things to say about relationships but plenty more about going to the toilet and wearing a black bra.


THE Tag Line : Rebound is Mostly Sound 65%

No.5 : The Vanishing (1993)

The Vanishing at the IMDb

A lot of people will tell you that this Hollywood remake of the Dutch film ‘Spoorloos’ is a lot of old toot but what do they know? At least it starts with a ‘The’!

The film opens with a creepy Jeff Bridges getting ready for some mischief. He tests the potency of his chloroform and practices his ropey ‘get a woman into my car technique’ - can’t beat kittens Jeff! At first we think he’s a bit strange but we soon see that he has a family and a cabin in the hills as well as an academic job.

Elsewhere Kiefer Sutherland and Sandra Bullock are having a squabble on their holidays. Kiefer ditches her to go and get petrol and after a teary reconciliation he promises never to leave her again. He soon regrets his hasty vow however when Sandra disappears with his beer money never to be seen again. The flatfoots do their usual bang up job and before we know it three years have passed and Keifer is all unshaven, wearing an unfashionable coats and still looking for his girlfriend - well she does have the car keys.

Kiefer meets up with waitress with a heart Nancy Travis who manages him to get him away from his quest, much to the annoyance of Jeff who was quite enjoying the struggle from afar. With his plaything lost to the waitress Jeff ups his game and reveals his hand to Keifer who is willing to take any chance to find out what happened to his moose key ring.

With Kiefer drugged he better hope that Nancy puts the pieces together to save the day or at least that someone has changed the grim ending from the original film.

Despite its many failings I quite like this film and its study of evil and obsession. Jeff Bridges is genuinely creepy but I was never really convinced of his story that he had to be as evil as possible to justify his daughter’s love. Can’t he just take her to a Miley Cirus concert like every one else? The idea that a respectable family man can be capable of acts of untold evil is a scary one but not one that really convinces - never saw Fred West or Peter Tobin as the philosophical self drugging types.

In the original film there is no happy ending and no redemption and of course this was changed for the American version. And rightly so too - who wants to see the bad guy win and everyone die? Weirdoes that’s who!

It was nice to see a young Sandra Bullock who doesn’t even merit her name on the poster but still offers a lot especially when she’s the one doing the vanishing - if our Sandra is expendable can any one be safe?! Keifer is OK but a bit one note and not too obsessed when trying to be really obsessed. Nancy seems to have only one setting and that’s shouty but as least she saves the day with her bad hair and poor drunk act.

The film has enough good ideas and ‘what would you do?’ situations to keep you interested and the final log cabin showdown is well paced and has enough reversals to keep you guessing. It’s by no means a classic but a pretty solid and scary effort that’s worth a look.

THE Tag Line : The Vanishing Found Acceptable 65%