No.230 : The Blob (1958)

 

The Blob at the IMDb

Every one loves Steve McQueen, but what about this early offering for ‘Steven McQueen’? Well I can tell you it’s dreadful and Steve rightly dropped the ‘N’ to avoid association with this turkey. To be fair it would probably never have seen light after its initial release if it wasn’t for the appearance of the star man who was 'a getting on a bit' 28 when the film was made.

Steven plays ‘Steve’ a high school kid out on a no nonsense date with his stuffy girlfriend. They see a meteor land and go to have a look. Meanwhile the object has already been found by a hill billy farmer who pokes it with a broom handle. Huge mistake as a blob of jelly affixes itself to his arm. He goes running about in the road and is picked up by Steve who administers the time honoured cure of putting a jacket over him.

They head into town and dump the old coot with a doctor who summons his nurse to help. Soon the two are absorbed by the blob which is gaining size and a reddish colour. Steve meanwhile wastes ten minutes facing off some dudes who want a drag race but eventually he realises the blob is a threat to the town and starts to annoy the police. He narrowly escapes its blobby clutches when hiding out in a meat freezer (remember that for later!) before the blob heads to a movie theatre for some people popcorn.

After some off screen horror the police and the fire department show up, but Steve, his date, a cute kid and some Italian stereotypes are trapped in a diner which is now enveloped in the massive blob. Can they be saved and can this red menace be defeated?

This was a laughable piece of nonsense, but it was also boring and badly acted. The special effects were very poor with the blob being either shown in forced perspective or in a form of animation that Walt Disney’s dog could have bettered.

McQueen shows none of the charisma he’s later known for and looks too skinny and old for the high school hero role. He isn’t helped much by a uniformly dreadful cast who look like they have been pulled off the street to deliver their stilted dialogue.

I’m not sure if there was a metaphor in place here - the red menace was a bit on the nose and it was hardly a clever ‘body snatchers’ type analogy. Basically what you get is people screaming and being absorbed off screen. At one point the police chief says ‘it must have killed at least 50 or 60 people’  thanks very much for the zero we saw - even the dog escaping wasn’t shown, and only mentioned.

I was surprised the film was in colour, but apart from that it was just as dreadful as I’d imagined and I just wish I’d kept avoiding it. You may get some jollies laughing at the rubbish special effects and some early McQueen embarrassment, but I’d advise that you avoid ‘The Blob’ - not to avoid absorption but to avoid boredom.

THE Tag Line : Bad Job Blob  32%

No.201 : The Reivers (1969)

The Reivers at the IMDb

It’s 1905 and a time for narration. Burgess Meredith tells anyone who’s listening about his idyllic childhood and the four days that ‘parted him from his youth’. The narration is overlaid with footage of some sunny days and of lots of naked young boys frolicking about in the water. One to delete off your hard drive before you take your laptop into PC World then!

Our hero is Lucius a ginger haired 11 year old who is Meredith in his youth. It’s a big day in their small town as the first car to appear there is arriving by train. Local roustabout Boon (Steve McQueen) is most excited and brings along a rose to put in the car’s handy flower holder. The car is owned by Lucius’ Grandfather, known locally as ‘The Boss’. Boon’s role isn’t clear but he washes the car and appears to have free use of it. He shows it off to his black friend Ned who only goes and steals it. Bit of stereotyping there, and Ned can only be grateful that the police aren’t as trigger happy as they are today.

After some mild fighting the two are before the judge who puts a $100 bond on each to ensure their good behaviour. Of course the scofflaws pay no attention and when The Boss is away at a funeral they take the car and head for a big whorehouse in Memphis, where Boon’s girlfriend earns her living. At first it’s only Lucius and Boon on the trip, but Ned stows along for too, discovered just in time to get covered in mud, in a scene that looked like more fun to be in than to watch.

At the most sedate whorehouse you’ll ever see, complete with buttoned up ladies, Lucius gets in a fight and Boon tries to get some loving. His girlfriend is looking at a career change and Ned, who is more trouble than he’s worth, trades the car for a race horse. The trio must win a race with the new horse to get the car back - it‘s almost that they are just inventing scrapes so they can get out of them.

Can they achieve this feat with a slow horse and with novice jockey Lucius? I’d bet on that!

This was a strange film which was 70% Disney schmaltz and halcyon days reminiscing and 30% full on racism and violence. It didn’t hold well together and it was quite jarring when, after a nice bit of driving along and missing out on mild peril someone comes along with talk of lynching’s and ‘n-word’ this and ‘n word’ that. Fair enough the South had plenty of racism going on but choose your genre - child growing up or string them up, you can’t mix ‘Mississippi Burning’ with ‘Hopscotch Girl’.

I didn’t like Steve McQueen much in this - we was obviously the big star but everyone was loving him with there being no evidence at all that they should. He wanders about in his stolen car with a shit eating grin and can do no wrong. As a protagonist he offered nothing and his relationship with the unhappy hooker didn’t ring true at all.

Mitch Vogel as Lucius was no better with his teary tantrums even more annoying than his good manners and wisdom. It was a lot to have to carry the majority of the picture on his shoulders and he struggled with the emotional scenes. He did well in the racing parts, but only because he’s been replaced by a stuntman a foot taller and wider.

Based on a book by William Faulkner you can see they were trying to show a slice of life from more innocent times but the mix was off and the adventures are dull and lacking any real excitement. The big horse race at the end gets run twice and looks daft as they have Giant haystacks playing the fallow youth and doesn’t offer any surprises anyway.

The settings and cinematography were good but this looked like a vanity project for McQueen that forgot to add the vital ingredients of character and plot.

THE Tag Line : Reivers and Weep 52%