No.109 : The Raven (2012)

The Raven at the IMDb

John Cusack stars as Edgar Allen Poe in this film, which isn’t so much as a bio-pic as a sexed up fantasy depiction of the writer’s final days.

We open with the Victorian era Baltimore police breaking into a locked apartment. They know a killer is in the room as the door was just locked, but find no one apart from a couple of dead bodies. After scratching their heads a young detective finds a hidden switch on a nailed down window frame, which causes it to open and reveal the killer’s means of egress. The detective reveals his moment of inspiration came from a book he’d read, but who had written it?

Meanwhile Poe is having a hard time. His newspaper editor refuses to print his review, the barman denies him credit and the father of his new love chases him off with a gun. It could be worse though - he could be the bloke getting chopped in two by a fragging great pendulum.

With the bodies piling up the detective realises that someone is killing people in the manner of deaths from Poe’s books. He enlists the help of the manic author and the two manage to deduce the likely location of the next murder - the masked ball hosted by Poe’s lover’s father - good old Brendan Gleeson, on moderate shouty form.

Things don’t go as planned and the mysterious killer achieves his true aim - to kidnap Poe’s love in a bid to coax more works from him. What follows is a series of clues that lead to more deaths and dead ends. All the while Poe’s lover is buried underground and only Poe’s daily stories in the paper can keep her alive until the puzzle is solved.

I quite enjoyed this film despite it being really farfetched. It was almost like CSI Victorian Baltimore with a steam punk Poe in the lead. I always had Poe down as a quiet bookish man but how wrong I was - he chases villains on horseback while shooting his pistol gangsta style!

The film opened well and like I liked the central idea of a killer employing Poe’s macabre methods of death to gain the scribe’s attention. It did however go downhill once the kidnapping took place and towards the end it was like a ‘Comic Strip Presents’ version of his life with Hollywood demanding more heroics at every turn.

The deaths were pretty good although the majority were only seen after the fact. The unmasking of the villain didn’t make a lot of sense and you have to wonder where he got the means and indeed time to set up his elaborate murders.

I felt Cusack was miscast and too tall and dashing for the role. His usual mania was present and correct and although he was playing a drug addled drunk, I never got beyond the feeling he was hamming it up. Gleeson was a bit better, but his character’s 180 degree turn in his feelings for Poe was misjudged. The Detective character needed a bit more presence and again he went from contempt to hero worship in his feelings for Poe in 30 seconds.

The effects were largely OK although I don’t know why they needed a ‘follow the bullet’ shot that seemed incongruous with the rest of the film. That said it was directed by ‘V For Vendetta’ helmer James McTeigue which also explains the shot of the baddie jumping from the roof which was lifted wholesale, hat and all, from that much better film.

‘The Raven’ is a decent enough distraction but it fails to be the equal of its parts and the whole thing seems more than a bit silly long before the end.

THE Tag Line : You Won't Rue (Morgue) Watching It  - 65%

No.88 : The Contract (2006)

The Contract at the IMDb

 You would think you’d have heard of the 2006 thriller starring Morgan Freeman and John Cusack, but the chances are you haven’t as it had the dreaded ‘DVD Premiere’ tag. Having seen it, it is not hard to see why as it’s a total mess despite what would appear to be a straightforward plot.

Cusack plays Ray, a widowed father to a wayward teen. He lost his wife to cancer two years previously and we know he’s still hurting as he wears a pink support bracelet. The off the rails kid is more stage school than reform school and his chat about reefers doesn’t ring true at all. The boy is excluded from school and to try for some bonding Cusack takes him on a hiking trip to the state park.

Meanwhile Morgan Freeman is planning a hit with four henchmen. They are all a bit colourful with one playing chess to show he’s the brains of the outfit. We aren’t told the target but stage one involves shoving a bloke in front of a car. Before stage two can take place Freeman is involved in a car smash of his own and wakes up chained to a hospital bed. His henchmen plot his escape as only Morgan has the bank codes and soon the standard ‘broken down truck’ ploy has freed the aged assassin.

Not quite however as the escape plan sends freeman down river with a shot FBI agent where he is rescued by Cusack and his son. What follows is the predictable cat and mouse set up you’d expect as Cusack tries to keep ahead of Morgan’s mates and return him to justice. Meanwhile the Borg Queen and some local hick sheriffs try to save the day. With the finale approaching will Freeman manage to fulfil ‘The Contract’ which is largely forgotten throughout the film but still serves as its title.

This film probably serves as the ‘Day 1’ showing on the ‘Troubled Production’ section of any film school course. The main issue is that it doesn’t make any sense and there are unnecessary complications that add nothing to the mix except those unwanted ingredients of confusion and dissatisfaction.

The main issue I had was with the whole police angle. They may have been solely employed as filler to the patchy script but they did nothing apart from comment on the coffee and  local law enforcement. The sub-plot of one of Freeman’s men being a plant wasn’t explored and I’ve no idea what the motivation of his boss, The Borg Queen, was.

The finale, where we were meant to be wrong footed about the assassination target, was totally fudged and I was totally expecting the revealed target and not the ridiculous suggestion that it might be the President.

The cast looked largely disinterested and Freeman totally didn’t convince as the hard as nails, military trained assassin. He wandered about in his suit trying to play mind games with his captors but exuded all the menace of Graham Norton on an extra camp day. Cusack looked aghast at some of the hokey dialogue he was provided and again his motivation was unclear. The idea that he was marching a hit man about the mountains to show his son about responsibility was as laughable as it was unbelievable.

There was possibly a good film in here somewhere with a clearly excellent cast and large budget that was at least used to show an impressive helicopter crash. It does however have to go down as a wasted opportunity with a messy script and sketchy characters signalling its failure before the first half hour had passed.

THE Tag Line - It’s only 90 minutes!  28%

No.63 : The Paperboy (2012)

The Paperboy on IMDb

Video games have rarely provided fertile ground for moviemakers but I have to say I was excited by the prospect of this 80’s classic coming to the silver screen. Alas they decided to do away with the whole notion of delivering papers and avoiding swarms of bees in favour of having a murder mystery in the 1960s.

We open with a present day Macy Gray talking to a reporter. The reporter is interested in events from 1969 which evolved around a celebrated murder case which has recently resurfaced due to a new book. After this brief preamble we are transported back in time to see events unfold with Macy’s voice occasionally appearing to explain stuff that isn’t clear from the script or direction.

Matthew McConaughey is a Miami newspaper reporter who along with his black writing parter and brother, Zac Efron, are sniffing about a murder case that sees a man on death row. The murder victim was the local racist sheriff and they wonder if the case is sound. They are soon joined by trailer trash Nicole Kidman who is convinced of the man’s innocence and who has done her own research which mainly consisted of sending him smutty letters.

The happy troupe seem to enjoy unlimited access to the murderer, who is played with twitchy mania by John Cusack. Early visits don’t go well with the two would be lovers spending their time getting off as Nicole displays her pink panties. For unclear reasons Zac falls in love with Nicole while the two reporters start to fall out.

In the sultry heat we learn that they all have secrets and agendas but soon the case begins to unravel with the flimsy new evidence springing Cusack who wastes no time in making good on his dirty talk with Nicole. With all our protagonists lacking something they want, or regretting not being careful about what they wished for, we have to see if anyone will get a happy ending.

This is a strange sort of film. It opens like it’s going to be about crusading journalism set against the racial tensions of the south, but it plays out as a bunch of big names overacting while raiding the dressing up box.

The main question is one of motivation - why is anyone doing anything that they set out to do? Redneck scumbag Cusack may be innocent, and of course the crusading journalist can’t walk away just because he jerks off a lot, but couldn’t they find a more worthwhile cause? Trashy Nicole is clearly shown to be a victim herself but her attraction to Cusack doesn’t convince. Their ‘love’ scene is as grubby as you get although it does beggar belief that a death row inmate won’t even take off his lady’s bra once he is sprung.

Zac tries hard to look lovelorn, but the clearly nuts Nicole doesn’t merit his attentions and Matthew’s character arc, that sees him go from campaigning journalist to Captain Hook in five minutes, is patently ridiculous.

The acting is uniformly awful with Macy Gray possibly the worst as the downtrodden housemaid who later recollects the tale. It is close though, with several career worst showings in place.

There are some things to like however. The sweaty and humid setting is great and although it doesn’t quite match ‘Body Heat’ you do feel like a cold shower afterwards. That may be down to some of the scenes however which see a masturbation contest, Nicole pissing on Zac after a jellyfish sting, Matthew on the bog and rough sex involving a twin tub washing machine.

For its earnest subject matter the dialogue was all over the place as were the accents. “If anyone’s gonna piss on him I will” cries Nicole as she remembers she used to get Oscar nods.

It was quite fun, but not in the way that was intended, which in many ways makes it more of a pleasure.

THE Tag Line : Fails to Deliver 62%