No.55 : The Job (2009)

The Job at the IMDb

The economic downturn is the backdrop to this decent but ultimately unsatisfying parable about greed and what desperate people will do in desperate circumstances.

We open with our hero Bubba checking the want ads. He’s had three jobs in a month and can’t even afford the special at the diner where his potential girlfriend works. His job search is interrupted when the fast talking Ron ‘Hellboy’ Perlman shows up and gives him his leftovers. We soon learn that our man is a decent, if somewhat naïve, man who offers the stranger a bed for the night.

Ron is an enigmatic character who sets his watch for 72 hours whenever he blows into town as 3 days is as much as he can take of any one place. As a thank you Ron gives our man a job lead that he himself was given and so he sets off in his good suit.

The job interview is a strange to say the least with Joe Pantoliano, who looks like Rob Newman doing ‘History Today’, offering a lucrative contract to strangle a man. The strange thing is the man to be strangled and his wife are sitting in on the chat and quite happy to go over the details. It seems the victim has crossed his wife’s father and has accepted his fate.

Bubba is shocked at first but the prospect of $200k is tempting. He confides in Ron who on seeing his predicament offers to do the job for him for half the money. This seems like a good deal but in this work nothing is what it seems and the offer of easy money always comes with strings attached , especially in mortality tales like this one.

This film started out well and I liked its other worldly feel where everything was a little off kilter and not what it seemed. It did however lack a full 90 minutes worth of plot and I found myself nodding off before the big reveal as to who was the really bad guy and who were just the pawns.

Patrick Flueger did well with the lead role of Bubba, an everyman loser with not a lot going his way. He fancies the waitress but can’t make a move as he’s got no money. His morality shift was a bit sudden and given the waitress was a bit plain I wasn’t too convinced. Ron Perlman, whom I’ve got a lot of time for, was a bit over the top and although he was playing a huckster type it just came across as frantic over acting.

The general mood of the film was depressing and although there were a couple of smiles it was a generally downward spiral from the off. The sombre mood, muted palette and downbeat score mean that it is a hard film to enjoy and the meandering and unsubstantial pay off will make you wonder why you bothered staying the course.

THE Tag Line : Retire ‘The Job’ Early 54%

No.54 : The Score (2001)

The Score at the IMDb

Three acting giants get together for this somewhat routine heist movie. When you have Marlon Brando. Robert De Niro and Edward Norton on the cast list you’d expect something a bit more substantial but I imagine that after all the salaries were paid there was precious little left for the script. The film does have its charms but for the most part that lasting impression is of one ‘is that it?’

De Niro plays an aging safecracker who comes close to being undone in a pretty tense opening sequence. His near miss gives him pause for thought and he’s keen to retire and settle down with sexy air hostess Angela Bassett and manage his swanky jazz club.

His plans are put on the back burner however when his massive and mumbling fence, Marlon Brando, advises that the buyer for his last score has snuffed it and asks that he takes on one last job to put them all on easy Street. De Niro is reluctant at first but is soon talked around and is seduced by the challenge of the job.

The Score is in De Niro’s home town of Montreal and taking it on breaks one of the many rules that he observes and have kept him safe for his whole career. The heist involves the stealing of a $30 million sceptre from the customs house and requires the assistance of an inside man in the shape of Edward Norton. Ed has got a job in the customs house by developing an act of being a bit retarded and has gained access to all of the secure rooms and systems.

There are a few bumps in the planning, such as obtaining computer codes from a corrupt programmer, but essentially the film is a build up to the elaborate robbery and the fall out afterwards. Will the old thief get away clean or will the obvious twist and even more obvious double twist come about?

I always enjoy a good robbery flick and ‘The Score’ doesn’t disappoint. It’s no classic like the nerve jangling ‘Rififi’, but the pace and the planning are well handled making the whole scheme believable. For the most part it’s a two man show between De Niro, the wily old thief, and Norton the young super confident upstart. Brando gets high billing but he only gets a couple of scenes and frankly his part could have been jettisoned with no loss to the film’s narrative or quality. De Niro’s motivations towards him are poorly defined and why he doesn’t tell him to bugger off when he realises he’s getting 20% of the take for doing all the work is inconsistent with the character development that far.

De Niro is great as always and Norton impresses with a double role as the cocky bigmouth and his alter ego spanner character Brian. Angela Bassett could’ve been given more to do but did impress in her limited exposure.

The heist itself is done well with each of the two main characters encountering different impediments to the scheme . In truth the heist itself is secondary to our concerns for the elderly janitor who has befriended ‘Brian’. The scheme itself was ingenious and what seemed impossible was slowly dismantled into a plausible robbery. The fall out however was a bit of a letdown with two consecutive twists signalled from a long way off.

The film is an enjoyable one but given the cast list it’s probably a bit less than you’d be entitled to expect.

THE Tag Line : The Score? 7/10 70%

No.53 : The Ex (2006)

The Ex at the IMDb

Our shortest title to date - Hurrah! And the title foxed me too! I thought the happy new parents we saw at the start were going to fall out when he loses his job, but no! ‘The Ex’ in question is a high school sweet heart of the wife who tries to come between the happy couple.

The film opens with the couple, Zach Braff and Amanda Peet choosing baby names. I was a bit worried that it was going to be a bit cutesy pie but it quickly got on track when our hero meets a couple of ass holes in the shape of a braggart school chum played by Josh off ‘Sports Night’ and a horrible boss played by Brian Fantana off ‘Anchorman. The kitchen scene was a cracker and a must see for anyone planning on losing their jobs.

With Zach sacked he heads off with wife and baby to take up an advertising job with her father in Ohio. The office is populated by various people you’ve seen in other films including an underused Amy Poehler as an off kilter employee. The main action takes place in the trendy advertising loft as Zach meets ‘The Ex’ in the shape of Jason Bateman’s wheelchair bound manipulator.

What follows is a familiar tale of mind games as Bateman humiliates Zach and starts to turn everyone against him. Some of his schemes are pretty funny and it kept the offbeat nature of the film on track. Soon Zach has a chance to shine when he discovers a child star who can do a trick that’d never get on TV - mass chokings anyone?

With Zach alienated Bateman starts to make a play for his wife and we have to wonder if the most obvious of the two obvious twists will be used - wrong! - they use both the obvious twists!

I didn’t expect to like this film seeing as Braff is usually as funny as cold sick but he made the wise move of surrounding himself with some great talents to largely favourable results. Bateman is great playing his usual smarmy bastard and does his familiar over friendly, but not really routine. He came across as genuinely mental and his manipulative schemes were all good manic fun.

I suppose we were meant to side with Zach but he’s such a douche that you wonder how he got a knock out wife and hope that his slacking will see him undone. The last act let the film down by being too predictable and by having the wife shift her character 180 degrees in 30 seconds.

It’s a shame that guys like Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler only got cameos but their scenes gave us the biggest laughs and there were plenty of other familiar faces to keep us interested, such as Mia Farrow as the under written mum.

Given some of the tat that qualifies as entertainment I thought this funny and well made film would have enjoyed a higher profile. Yeah, there is a bit of baby and relationship stuff but you also get a sauce fight and plenty of cock gags so it’s well worth a look as a ‘date night’ movie.

THE Tag Line : Ex-cellent - Well Quite Good At Any Rate 69%

No.52 : The Bridge (2006)

The Bridge at the IMDb

Here’s nice uplifting documentary to cheers you up - bunch of folk killing themselves by flinging themselves off the Golden Gate Bridge. If that’s not enough to put a spring in your step the clips of the suicides are inter cut with interviews of those left behinds, sometimes to literally pick up the pieces.

The film was made in 2004 and caught most of the 24 suicides who plummeted off the bridge to their near certain deaths. The director set up a long lensed camera at a suicide hot spot on the bridge and over the months he filmed he gained dubious footage of damaged people ending it all.

The actual suicide footage, although tremendously powerful lasts a matter of seconds so clearly he had to go and find some padding in the shape of talking head relatives who were largely trying to find some sense in the senseless and selfish acts. There is also further padding with long and arty establishing shots of the bridge and of various bridge users which soon causes a sense of ‘is he over next’ in the viewer.

There is no narration to the film and it seems somewhat random. There is an attempt at a central spine to the film in the shape of Gene, a long haired layabout, who pops up throughout.If I was being cynical I’d say that Gene’s story is focused upon because he was the one that they had the best death footage of. His relatives were also quite eloquent but unable to add much to what a pretty straightforward tale of depression followed by suicide.

The point of the film is hard to establish and it’s almost pornographic the way the ‘money shots’ are carefully doled out through the 90 minutes running time. I’m sure the random and uneven feel to the film would be explained as a narrative on the damaged people’s motivations but it’s more likely it was cobbled together using the best footage and the relatives who were willing to talk for reasons unknown.

It would be hard not to be moved by the film given that we share the last seconds of several peoples’ lives and the big finale is genuinely shocking but the lasting impression is one of sadness that these desperate people never got the help they needed.

I would have liked to see more of the other side, the poor buggers charged with recovering the bodies and State officials who could explain why the world’s favourite suicide spot doesn’t have higher barriers or catch nets. I guess the attitude is that if they are going to kill themselves it’s better to do it here than onto a busy freeway.

Almost every suicidee found a positive advocate but for the most part the tales were consistent in terms of depression and escalating attempts to take their own lives. Sometimes suicide attempts can be cries for help or for attention but the guys we saw here knew there was no going back.

The overall feel of the film is of one built around a few seconds of footage with bricks of worthiness and head shaking. The actual effect is one of grubby exploitation with no message I could see.

THE Tag Line : Take Me Away From The Bridge 52%

No.51 : The Core (2003)

The Core at the IMDb

Some people will tell you the ‘The Core’ is a lot of far fetched hokum, but I checked it out and it never actually claimed to be a documentary. It’s one of those films that always seem to be on and no matter were you stumble in to it you always hang about to the end. At least until the black guy does his noble sacrifice at any rate.

Anyway the world is in danger. People with pacemakers are falling over and pigeons are going mental in Trafalgar Square. The cause is unknown but dashing boffin Aaron Eckhart has an idea about the electro magnetic field breaking down. He consults with celebrity big head scientist Stanley Tucci who agrees that things look grim. They talk to the dad out of ‘Six Feet Under’ who has been promoted to head of the army and they set about saving the day.

They meet up with a black guy in the desert and effectively steal all his stuff. The plan is to journey to the planet’s core, to kick start the lava and save the day. They enlist Hilary Swank’s unfeasibly young and beautiful NASA pilot and a couple of other guys who are so destined to be cannon fodder that they may as well have been wearing red shirts.

After a couple of big surface disasters, the kind that dominate the trailer, the mission is on. They dive into the sea in their tunnelling machine and are soon travelling through special effects that are markedly poorer than those of ‘Inner Space', which is at least a decade older. As you’d expect there are bumps along the way, the kind that demand the crew get out and stretch their legs and allow for a noble sacrifice or two, no three - four!

I’ve seen ‘The Core’ five times easy and I’m always seduced by its cheesy charms. It’s light weight fun and despite more techno babble than a year of ‘Star Trek’ they still manage to make the implausible totally unbelievable. In the scene where they exit the craft, despite thousands of pounds of pressure, throwaway lines like “at least our suits are holding” without any reason why take you so far away from the premise that you may as well be watching an old man feeding his dog if you wanted scientific exposition. But we never came to learn - we came to see noble speeches and shit getting blown up.

I know landmark destruction is the ‘money shot’ in this kind of film but it beggars belief that the three points of the planet, that’s 70% water by the way, that the phenomena chooses to strike are Trafalgar Square, Rome are the Golden Gate Bridge. What’s the chances of that happening then? In fact if I was living near a landmark and saw a Hollywood film crew I’d be heading for the hills.

The characters are all likable and it’s rare to see Swank or Eckhart is a less than enjoyable film. Tucci delivers well as the up his arse scientist who may turn out nice in the end. His black polo neck and smoking habit were a bit much - they should just have given him a moustache to twirl and be done with it.

The destruction and technology effects were all well done with the microwaving of San Francisco and the frying of Rome both well executed. Less good was the travel though the Earth which looked like a lot of bubbles.

The plot was patently ridiculous with so many holes that you could turn a double decker bus over in them. It is of course moot to moan about the lack of decompression illness when you are talking about a metal tube fixing the planet but that’s half the fun of high concept nonsense like this.

If you’ve managed to miss ‘The Core’ on its endless repeat Film 4 showings you should have a look - the most fun scoffing you’ll have watching a disaster movie. Apart from ‘2012’.

THE Tag Line - No Bore Core Gets Decent Score - 70%

No.50 : The Hide (2008)

The Hide at the IMDb

A 90 minute film of two guys talking in a bird watching hide may not be the sort of thing most people would be attracted to but there was enough happening in this taught drama to keep me interested.

We open with the gay dad off ‘The In-Betweeners’ arriving at the titular structure ready for a hard day’s twitching. He’s seen all but one of Britain’s native species of birds and the conditions are ripe for him to tick off the last on his list. We know he’s a bit obsessive compulsive by the way he arranges his note books and equipment but at least he remembered to bring lots of sandwiches.

He’s barely eyed up his first bird when his solitude is ruined by someone at the door. We’re bound to be a bit worried as the new guy has tattoos and a bottle of wine - and there’s not much left! The conversations starts somewhat muted as the two men try to figure the other out. The older man, Roy, is by the book and very ‘old school’. He doesn’t care for the younger man, Dave’s, analogies featuring ‘nun’s bums’ and is clearly worried for his safety. He does have a friend at the other end of a walkie-talkie but sadly it’s one of those devices governed by the movie convention that it can only work intermittently and give out garbled half messages capable of being misunderstood.

Dave seems a lit of a loose cannon who’s capable of flying off the handle like so many lapwings. We really start to worry when we see that he has a gun and that a police helicopter is searching the area. But wait! Could we have gotten it wrong and the police’s target is someone other than the wine guzzling, tattooed miscreant? Better have another sandwich and mull it over…

I caught this film late night on ‘Film 4’ having never previously heard of it. It engaged me from the off and despite not enjoying ‘talking heads’ films I stayed to the end, enjoying every turn.

The two leads are both excellent as they’d really have to be for you to buy into the film. It has its origins as a stage play and it’s easy to see that in the single set production and cast of two. I liked the stiff and uptight Roy who was slowly dismantled as the film progresses. From his aloof and superior openings he was eventually reduced to talking about his ex-wife and his plans for her and her lover. Dave on the other hand had the opposite arc, starting out wild and random and ending up a bit sensitive and sympathetic.

The twists were well thought through and logical given the progression of events. There is one genuine ‘eeurgh’ moment amidst a lot of fast talking and deconstruction. You could argue that the central plot and eventual wrong foot are telegraphed from the start, and although I accept that, it was infinitely better than having a third character showing up in the last five minutes to turn things around.

It may be low budget but the crackling script and two excellent performances mean that ‘The Hide’ shouldn’t stay hidden on your movie radar

The (Spoiler) TAG Line : We Put Body & Soul Into Our Sandwiches! 70%

No.49 : The Horde (2009)

The Horde at the IMDb

My totally legitimate and well subtitled copy of the French zombie thriller ‘La Horde’ gave the title in translation as ‘Legion of Evil’. That hardly fits a definitive article quest but given the UK release is ‘The Horde’ and that the subtitle for a man getting his face eaten was ”Gracious me!” I think we are on safe ground.

If you’ve seen pretty much any zombie film, you’ve see ‘The Horde’ - but this time it’s in French! The usual rules apply about only head shots killing and bites being infected but I’m happy with that - what if they introduced flying zombies? The purists would be apoplectic!

Some less well viewed reviewers have likened this film to ‘Rec’ but apart from it happening in a building with a monstrous twist I don’t really see it. The film opens with a piss poor police raid on a block of derelict flats. We’re not quite sure that they are cops as they are a bit quick to stab up the guards but basically they are on a raid. They get to the flat but the intervention of a trigger happy superintendant and training that must have come from the British Secret Service causes things to go tits up.

The bad guys quickly off a couple of the cops and are about to wipe them out when one of the dead gets up to eats a bit of face. As in all these films there is a caveat that none of the characters have never seen a zombie film or played ‘Resident Evil’ because no one shouts ‘Shite it’s a horde of zombies’ instead they all flap about saying ‘what’s going on’ in French.

Soon we are down to three cops and three bad guys and they then get sub divided into a two and a four. Of the two the sexy lady cop has a bitten colleague for company and he’s starting to turn. Luckily she’s handy with a gun and indeed a fridge. Meanwhile the foursome meet a wacky axe man resident who has a penchant for zombie tits and then split up when a long simmering dynamic in the bad guy hierarchy boils over.

As they try to escape the building the horde closes in and as numbers dwindle we have to wonder if they’ll do the tired old route of having the seemingly weakest character, the lady, being the sole survivor. Of course they do!

Despite its formulaic plot and set up there is a lot to like in ‘The Horde’ and I enjoyed it throughout. The zombie action doesn’t rear up until about a third of the way in but by then you’ve had time to invest a little in the characters before they get eaten. I liked the relatively slow build up with the chaos in the city beyond only seen fleetingly in reflections and the like. If this were a student film you’d suspect that this was a cost saving device but not here because the cast of ravenous thousands is soon revealed in all its blood splattered glory.

They do well to mix up the formula with some great fight scenes between characters and zombies with all manner of implements and household appliances roped in to help the carnage. It does help that this is the best tooled up apartment block in all of France with industrial machine guns and grenades lying about all over the place.

I’m not sure but I think there were a couple of bits of commentary about France’s colonial past and the subjugation of women but happily these soon passed for the next round of carnage. I’ve no idea of the body count apart from ‘huge’ and the methods of dispatch were fun, varied and totally uncensored. It is of course a tired old formula but ‘The Horde’ is definitely the best zombie film I’ve seen since the ‘Dawn of the Dead’ remake. OK I know that wasn’t that long ago but it had a dog being dangled amid zombies in it!

THE Tag Line : Horde, Gored, Not Bored 78%