No.250 : The Ripper (TV) (2020)

The Ripper (TV) 2020 at the IMDb

 I was born in 1971 and in many ways the Yorkshire Ripper was my first experience of an ongoing hunt for a serial killer. I do have a distinct memory of the murder of Jacqueline Hill being reported in November 1980 and of it being the talk of the schoolyard. Fortunately she was the last victim, with Peter Sutcliffe being arrested soon after, after being picked up for offences unrelated to his murders.

I have been interested in the case and enjoyed a three part pod cast on the Case File site  which I’d strongly recommend. It went into greater depth than the Netflix TV show we are discussing now, but they are clearly different approaches to the same horrific crimes.

This Netflix documentary series is in four parts of roughly an hour each. They are presented in chronological order with the first setting the scene, the middle two covering the murders and the investigation and the last dealing with Peter Sutcliffe’s capture and the fallout of the investigation which, by all accounts, was botched and contributed to at least some of the murders being allowed to happen.

The series uses mainly archive footage and is pretty familiar in its approach, with a voiceover explaining what is happening set against news reports and newspaper headlines of the time. What sets this series apart however, is the present day interviews with many of the key players, which  included the son of one of the early victims who relives the trauma of learning of his mother’s demise and her character assassination in the press who dubbed her as a prostitute.

Other talking heads include Bruce Jones of Coronation Street fame who discovered one of the bodies as well as police personnel and journalists who worked the case at the time. I didn’t learn too much from this series, but what was done well was the telling of the story with events laid out in chronological order with graphics showing where each of the women died, relative to each other.

They also delved into Sutcliffe’s other crimes, many of which were forgotten when his 13 murders were being discussed. Several women survived his assaults and it was haunting to hear their first hand accounts of their encounters with the maniac.

The clear message from the series was one of police incompetence. The Ripper was interviewed nine times, with one officer telling us that he told his bosses that he had found the suspect only to be rebuffed owing to Sutcliffe not fitting the profile that had been created. There was also a lot of content devoted to the misogyny of the police and the public’s attitude towards the victims who were painted as worthless due to some being prostitutes. This was a valid thread for the programme but they did spend a lot of time on it with lots of opinions being offered about contemporary attitudes. 

This was fine and laudable but it was at the expense of other aspects of the case being unexplored - Sutcliffe himself didn’t get much of a profile with his motivations being largely untouched. We know he’s a nutter but what took him to that place and what made him so adept at murder and at evading capture? The other villain of the piece, the hoaxer ‘Weirside Jack’, was also not discussed in depth which was a shame as this was a thread the show left hanging. The hoaxes, which were bought wholesale by the police, contributed greatly to at least three murders being allowed to happen and I’d liked to have seen this aspect being explored. I did read up on it and the miscreant concerned got 8 years after a cold case investigation captured him in 2000.

Overall this was a well made and compelling series that paid due respect to the victims involved and highlighted the issues that led this murderer the chance to run free for a decade. It’s hopeful that lessons have been learned as it was clear that the policemen involved in this investigation couldn’t find their arse with both hands. At the end it was blind luck that netted the Ripper with the police investigation being as much use as a cock flavoured lollypop.

This was a crime of its time that will never happen again due to advances in DNA detection, CCTV and computing. The police were clearly negligent but the crimes belonged to one man alone, and that shouldn’t be forgotten amongst all the finger pointing.

This was a good and worthwhile effort but it was too short with the ending seeming somewhat rushed. The material could easily have filled 12 one hour episodes and I hope a ‘director’s cut’ that explores all the hanging threads is in the works.

The Tag Line : Ripper Yarns   70%

No.244 : The Crown (TV 2016) (Season 4)

 

The Crown Season 4 at the IMDb

I haven’t seen the first three seasons of ‘The Crown’ but was aware of it as the wife is an avid viewer. It never really appealed to me, looking like a live action ‘Spitting Image’. I was however drawn to Season 4 as it entered the period where I could remember things and it’s always more fun to be reminded of stuff than it is to learn something new.

The main attraction this series, for me, was the introduction of Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher. That must have been a tough call for the agent - ‘Sorry Gillian FHM has folded but we have a nice blue suit for you’. Thatcher gets a decent amount of screen time but as you’d expect the focus is on the Royals and Thatcher only shows up when their worlds collide.

The series opens with Earl Mountbatten being killed by the IRA. This brings in new levels of security to the Royals and begins to inhibit their freedoms. It doesn’t stop Charles of course, who boffs Camilla throughout the ten episodes.

Each episode is standalone with a story and theme, although history is the overriding arch that covers the whole thing. It looks like the family against country debate has been a theme across all seasons, with the Queen concerned that her family aren’t all that she would have hoped for.

The other big introduction this season is Princess Diana, played by Elizabeth Debicki, who is essentially breeding stock, as Charles gets his jollies elsewhere. Diana’s affairs are also covered but the programme’s sympathies do lie with her. I felt she was a bit too Sloane rangery and not as pretty as Di to carry it off. Still not an easy part when half your time demands your head in the toilet and the rest shouting in a thin reedy voice.

Of the Royals I liked Tobias Menzies’ Prince Phillip the most, with his wry wit and pragmatic viewpoints cutting swathes through his feckless offspring. Olivia Coleman was good as the Queen although our familiarity with the subject makes her performance look like caricature a lot of the time.

The same fate befalls Anderson’s Thatcher with Janet Brown recalled as well as every other 80’s female mimic as she patronisingly talks down to anyone in her range. Anderson was good and dominated the screen, but again it was a bit dress up box for me, with you half expecting Mike Yarwood to appear as Harold Wilson at any moment.

Large events like the Falklands war and Charles & Di’s wedding were largely bypassed, which is understandable given the scale of these events. I guess they’d say they decided to focus on character rather than spectacle which is fine until you have another ten minutes in Charles’ hand wringing company.

The episodes were varied but generally watchable, with the palace intruder Michael Fagin one probably the best for me. I was disappointed to read that in his last interview Fagin admitted the Queen just left the room when he appeared, rather than have the ten minute chat that the show depicted.

By necessity all the conversations have to be imagined and as such the whole series is nothing more than a big soap opera, based on the biggest soap opera going.

It was enjoyable but I doubt I’ll delve into the first three seasons, although I will watch what’s to come and see if it’s how things seemed at the time. It is sumptuously produced and if you like fancy locations, nice clothes and the upper classes bitching at each other then this could be the show for you.

THE Tag Line : With Royal Approval 70%

No.214 : The Cooler (2003)

The Cooler at the IMDb

Time for middle aged man wish fulfilment now - getting off with Maria Bello and winning at Vegas.

William Hall Macy, to give him his full name, stars as Bernie, a cooler in a Vegas casino. He’s basically the physical embodiment of bad luck and is employed by the casino to cool down players on a hot streak. His effectiveness is displayed by how much cream he gets in his coffee (not a metaphor) and how baggy his suit is. As the film starts he’s super baggy and cream free but that will soon change.

His casino, The Golden Shangri-La, is the last of the old school casinos, still run by the mob and holding out against the corporate takeover that has befallen many of its contemporaries. The manager Alec Baldwin likes his old school crooners and leg breaking policy, but change is on the way in the form of Ron Livingston’s corporate go-getter who is keen to transform the ageing casino.

Things change fro Bernie too as he meets up with attractive waitress Maria Bello. It’s unclear why she takes a shine to Bernie but the pair hit it off and are soon repaying Bernie’s demonstrative neighbours with sex noises of their own, albeit faked ones. This upswing in Bernie’s happiness is a dampener on his powers and soon everyone is winning on his watch. Added to the mix is Bernie’s hustler son and his possibly pregnant girlfriend and Bernie’s ambition to leave his old life behind. Can he get away and find happiness or will Baldwin display his big brass balls once again and keep him in his cooler job?

I hadn’t seen this film in many years and although I still liked it, it was hard to justify my previous 8/10 rating. It is very good with some excellent performances, but I just fund it somewhat slight the second time around. No explanation is given for Bernie’s powers and although Bello likes astrology, there is no suggestion that anything supernatural is going on. I think it was better left unexplained but as a gimmick it was a but light to carry a whole film - I could see it as an ‘X-Files’ episode quite comfortably, but as a 100 minute feature it seemed a bit padded.

Macy and Bello were good and I liked that my early thoughts that she’d never go for him were borne out when Baldwin’s scheming was revealed. It was nice that she did end up liking him after all and it’s doubtful that his piles of cash had anything to do with that. Both were fully immersed in their role and, whilst their expressions of love were justified in the context of the film, I could have done without the shots of Macy’s sweaty bum.

Baldwin was excellent as the casino boss hanging onto the old times but he didn’t quite match the intensity of his ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ performance. It was also good to see Ron Livingston off ‘Office Space’ and ‘Band of Brothers’ but he didn’t get much to work with as the corporate face of Vegas’ future.

There were some quite brutal scenes of women being beaten up and the film wasn’t shy is showing Vegas’ seamy underbelly, but a pat ending made for an enjoyable if slightly underwhelming experience.


THE Tag Line : Worth a Flutter 70%

No.186 : The Frogmen (1951)

The Frogmen at the IMDb

* This entry was originally written for a planned new blog called ‘The Creature Feature’ in which every film title reviewed would contain  the name of an animal. The project was shelved when it was realised that two unread blogs was plenty, thanks very much. Fortunately this review also fitted into the criteria for this blog and could therefore be repurposed. Sadly ‘The Mosquito Squadron’ may never see the light of day.

Richard Widmark stars in this 1951 effort that could, and probably did, serve as a recruitment film for the navy.

The film open with a bunch of soldier bickering. The navy regulars don’t like the supposed preferential treatment given to the operatives of the underwater demolition team or frogmen. We learn the frogmen are mourning the loss of their popular commanding officer who bought it at Iwo Jima. After a low rent scuffle their new CO arrives in the shape of Widmark. His first job is to tell them all off and this sets the tone of their fractious relationship.

The war in the Pacific is going well and it’s the frogmens’ job to lay explosives to clear underwater hazards prior to the invasion of the islands around Japan. The first mission goes OK until one of the support ships carrying some of the team is blown up by a shell. Widmark, resplendent in his trunks, refuses to turn back for survivors in favour of completing the mission and this increases the ire against him. We the viewer know he’s a stand up guy however, as he got scratched on some coral and didn’t moan about it.

Widmark knows he’s losing the team and three put in for transfers. He can’t go on the next mission due to his gamey leg, but when a frogman gets shot in the ass after a prank goes wrong he has to lay down the law again, demoting a popular but frankly stupid member of the team. Soon it’s more like Skidmark than Widmark as the rest of the team put in for transfers. Don’t they know there’s a war on?

As you’d expect Widmark’s chance of redemption comes along soon, when unexploded torpedo finds it’s way into sick bay where the ass shot man is recovering. I hate it when that happens. Widmark saves the day with his trusty screwdriver and things may be starting to thaw as he gains a sliver of respect from his hard to please crew.

Before the transfers take place they have one last  mission - to blow up the Jap submarine pens - can Widmark save the day and win over his so not worth it crew?

This was a pretty enjoyable slice of navy life. The characters were all painted with broad strokes and the three acts were signalled prominently with nothing in the way of surprises on offer. From the start when we see the frogmen eulogising about their fallen Commander Cassidy we knew that Widmark would have a tough task on his hands and one he’d eventually succeed at.

The crew, who included ‘Number 2’ Robert Wagner and the Brooklyn one off ‘Sergeant Bilko’ were an unlikable lot and it was surprising that Widmark was so keen on winning their admiration. You’d have expected in a time of war that he’d be a bit more no-nonsense rather than whimpering like a schoolgirl about his lack of popularity.

The action scenes were good, especially the bombardments, and the under water stuff was well handled. The exploding ship however looked like some one had painted a big flash on the film and the underwater knife fights were a bit tame. The climatic raid was quite good but not a patch on the British derring do of ‘We Dive at Dawn’.

You did get the sense they were on a real ship with real navy men doing the stunts and it was quite a change from the normal WW2 clichés and settings. The word ‘frogmen’ is never used and it was only towards the end they actually put on the gas tanks.

It was undemanding stuff with a totally predictable narrative, but overall it was good fun apart from the bit where one guy’s left nut appears as he clambers off the boat - thanks a lot HD TV!

THE Tag Line - Please love me 70%

No.179 : The Birds (1963)

The Birds at the IMDb

I had previously watched ‘The Birds’ as part of my quest to see every film in the IMDb top 250 and, on first viewing, granted it an impressive 8/10. Due to a change in the ranking criteria I have now only seen 227 of  the top 250 and ‘The Birds’ no longer gets a mention; so was my rating fair? To be honest it was a while ago so a re-watch was needed. I still enjoyed the film but probably less so than an 8/10 rating suggests, but let’s have a look.

We follow the fortunes of Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren), a rich socialite with a penchant of seemingly weak practical jokes. We meet her in a pet shop where she is awaiting the delivery on a myna bird which she hopes can speak and upset her auntie. She is mistaken for an assistant by lawyer Rod Taylor who is after a pair of lovebirds. After some awkward flirting he reveals that he knows Melanie isn’t an assistant and just wanted to show her what being at the wrong end of a practical joke felt like. What a dick.

Not to be outdone, Melanie learns of Rod’s identity from her newspaper editor father and resolves to prank him by delivering the two lovebirds to his Bodaga Bay house for his sister’s birthday - that’ll show him. After a long bit of exposition in which Melanie meets local teacher Suzanne Pleshette and buys a nightgown, she delivers the birds, only to be spotted by the ever alert Taylor. Taylor was 33 at the time of filming, the same as Hedren, but he looks about 50.

Anyway, he spots her bird delivery and intercepts her at the harbour only to witness her being pecked by a seagull. This causes mild unrest but she agrees to return to have dinner with Taylor and his mother Jessica Tandy, and presumably her copper kettle. She also takes a room at Suzanne’s guest house despite not having a change of pants.

Through the night a seagull attacks their door and things quickly escalate as the birds start a full on pecking offensive which results in a gas station exploding and Melanie getting a lot of kisses from Rod.

Who will survive the onslaught of The Birds?, why are they attacking? and can a peck really be that sore?

I enjoyed this film less than I’d remembered it and it seemed a bit drawn out and silly on a second viewing. You can’t really feel the pervading sense of menace that was intended by director Hitchcock, who can be seen with his dogs in the opening scene, due to some ropey effects and some poor bird motivation. I felt that the birds lacked a bit of menace and despite the first victim appearing with his eyes pecked out, you have to wonder why he didn’t just hide under the duvet.

The build up is slow, with things layered and gradually escalating, such as the hens not eating their feed. There wasn’t however any attempt at explaining why the birds went mental and something like a mad scientist or environmental concerns may have made the whole thing a bit more engaging.

I did like the shot of the birds hovering over the gas station explosion which had an eerie ‘We did that' feel. The effects were however somewhat limited with the sparrow invasion down the chimney looking fake as did the attack on the children fleeing the church - some of those stuffed birds were held on for grim death!

The film does look dated with it’s rear projection driving and boating scenes but that’s fair enough given its 1963 origins. Tippi does well in the lead, although I bet that green twin set must have reeked by the end. Rod was less good as the square jawed hero with no answers, but I liked Pleshette and Tandy as the sultry school teacher and bitchy mother respectively.

I didn’t feel that the birds were much of a threat and the lack of motivation for them left me somewhat unengaged. It was however a decent thriller. and although a big net would have saved the day, there was enough to keep me watching for the full two hours.

THE Tag Line : Where’s the burds? Arrgghhh!  70%

No.162 : The Stag (2013)

The Stag at the IMDb

I’ve been on a lot of stag weekends but none like this - still who’s making films about drunken Scotsman charging about Brussels? Far more fun to have drugged fuelled Irishmen running about the countryside in the nip.

The film is very Irish with Irish Film Board sponsorship and a likely backhander from the tourist board too. It’s pretty gentle stuff with a bit of growth being the main driver, but it was mostly enjoyable with lots of redemption thrown in for good measure.

Andrew ‘Moriarty’ Scott stars as Devin, a lecturer in Dublin who is due to be best man at his friend’s Fionan’s wedding. That name gets plenty of laughs with no one ever getting it correct. In fact, if he was called ‘Brian’ the film would be five minutes shorter.

Fionan is not exactly a man’s man and would rather go on the hen night than contemplate a stag weekend with his pals. His bride to be Ruth, insists that he has the final blow out  and soon it is agreed that a small group of Fionan’s friends will join him on a hike around some of Ireland’s more scenic parts. On its own that’s a bit dull so a wild card is thrown in, in the shape of ‘The Machine’, Ruth’s brother, who is known to be a bit of a handful. He got so much of a build up that I was expecting it to be Hulk Hogan or somebody, but it was just a regular bloke with a funny name.

The guys avoid The Machine’s calls and hope to go on the hike without him. After a quick, and mostly tiresome trip to the camping shop, they head off on their adventure with no The Machine in sight. Happily for the film, Ruth gives away the destination and The Machine shows up in an entertaining torrent of gay slurs and bad language.

They head out the next day with The Machine wearing just his usual about town gear. The rest are kitted out like Millets’ gold card users, but things soon level out when their gear gets lost along with the car keys and a compass that may have some emotional attachment for Devin.

With the lads high on elicit substances, some home truths are revealed along with their arses. As they try to make it back to civilisation will the wedding happen and will they all ever be the same again?

I liked this film and despite a couple of dips it had enough to keep me entertained throughout. It was well observed with the usual guys bullshit and hierarchy all present and correct.

Scott had most of the weight to carry and he do so well with his usual wide eyed shouty style. I twigged the twist early on but to be fair you’d need to lose your compass not to spot it.

The Machine character had most of the laughs and best lines but it was disappointing when he gave up vulnerabilities of his own. I guess we all play a part and inside we’re all as messed up as each other.

The pivotal scene with the lads in the nip was good fun but it went on a bit and there are only so many arse cheeks I can watch in one sitting.

There were a few laughs and a couple of decent payoffs especially with the U2 scene where we just knew a character’s hatred of all things Bono was going to be disproved.

The hike itself seemed a bit easy to an experienced hill walker like me but I guess the crew weren’t for humping equipment up hills. The cast did well and threw themselves into some pretty demanding and revealing scenes.

The wedding at the end wrapped everything up nicely and although a bit pat (even gay hating Dad turned out nice!) it was hard to grudge them a happy ending.

THE Tag Line : A 7 Point Stag! 70%

No. 130 : The Actors (2003)

The Actors @ The IMDb

 The Michael Caine-a-thon reaches film 19 out of a potential 111 with ‘The Actors’, which I saw on general release in 2003 and awarded an IMDb score of 7 - but can remember nothing of it. That’s not to dismiss it out of hand as it is good fun, but I doubt I’ll have retained much of it when I inevitably come to watch it again in 15 years time.

Caine plays Anthony O’Malley, a washed up actor who is starring in a risible theatre production of Richard the Third set in Nazi Germany.  The cast includes Bernard Black himself, Dylan Moran, who is an awful actor but is kept on as he helps Caine with his hump. Both are at a low ebb after Moran fails a sausage commercial audition and Caine realises he’ll never get out of debt or low rent roles unless something changes.

Opportunity knocks when Caine, who is researching a role in a gangster’s bar, hears of an unclaimed debt for which the two parties involved have never met. This seems a bit convenient but it gives them the chance to hatch a scheme where their acting skills can be employed to collect the debt and split the cash.

The gangster, Barreller, played by Michael Gambon seems a tough prospect at first but Moran soon softens to him especially when he meets his daughter, Cersei Lannister. The Actors manage to get the cash but soon have to resort to ever more elaborate schemes to keep the real villains from taking back their money and exacting some deserved revenge.

‘The Actors’ is a pretty good distraction for 90 minutes. It’s no masterpiece but there are plenty of laughs throughout with the two leads quite happy to take the piss out of their profession and the luvvies who inhabit it. Caine especially does well as the old ham O’Malley. His language is choice throughout and he shows real dedication by appearing in drag at the end - how the baddies were ever convinced he was a woman is another matter.

The film has a five acts narrative device with a cute nine year old girl giving the narration and the guys some pointers. This was a bit cutesy pie for me and didn’t sit well in a script where every other word was an expletive. The pace did bounce along well though, and it was only towards the end that things started to get a bit muddled and contrived.

The two leads were good value but Michael Gambon seemed a bit muted in the potentially fun role of Barreller. He didn’t have too much to do though, conceding much of the ground to Lena Headey as his daughter who had to do her best with a thin romance with Moran.

It was good to see a lot of familiar faces bobbing about such as the sarcastic priest off ‘Father Ted’. He’s a really good actor!

All in all this was a fun film that didn’t take itself too seriously and neither should you. A suspension of disbelief is required as there are a lot of unlikely events, but it’s worth your time for Caine and Moran cursing a blue streak in some elaborate make up if nothing else.

THE Tag Line : Luvvie It 70%

No.79 : The Grey (2011)

The Grey at the IMDb

Liam Neeson sheds his hard as nails killer with wife problems image from ‘Taken’ to play a hard as nails killer with wife problems in this survival thriller. You can’t say the man doesn’t have range.

Neeson works as a hunter for a petroleum company in Alaska - basically when a work crew goes out to fix the pipes it’s Liam who shoots the wolves. He’s not happy though, and neither are we as we have to listen to five minutes of sentimental voice over as he writes what may be a suicide note before heading out to the pub. He downs a couple of shots, and presumably because the kebab shop is shut, heads outside to eat his rifle.

He’s about to end the film early when some howling makes him think twice - huge mistake! He heads for home the next day but his flight is of the no frills variety - the fare doesn’t even include a proper landing! Before the plane goes down he pisses off a friendly workmate so we know he’s not exactly a people person, well for now at least.

The plane goes down in the wilderness with only half a dozen survivors who include both Liam and the man he had words with - awkward! The guys gather up the salvable stuff and once we establish Liam’s gun is wrecked we meet the bad guys in the form of a pack of mostly CGI wolves. These guys aren’t after dinner, they only want to assert their authority over these interlopers. Liam assumes control and given his wolfy knowledge the rest fall in line despite the normal grumbles.

What follows is what you’d expect in the form of the group being relentlessly whittled down by the lupine louts. There are some slight deviations to the ‘Ten Little Indians’ format but as you’d probably guess we end up with Liam and one cannon fodder guy and a showdown with the marauding pack.

I quite liked ‘The Grey’ but I felt it was writing a smart cheque that its script couldn’t cash. The attempt to make Liam deep and thoughtful failed despite the constant call-backs to his wife who may have left him or is dead. There was a lot of spiritual stuff going on throughout with a couple of near death workers experiencing visions of what they loved most.

This would suggest we are delving into the realms of metaphor or allegory but I’m not buying. You could argue that they were all dead from the off and it was how they met their fate and faced it was what mattered. Indeed some of the guys don’t fall prey to the wolves with the weather and a direct lift from ‘Sometimes a Great Notion’ taking care of two of them.

The tension never really scaled the heights I expected with the attacks too far apart and too much time spent jabbering on about the meaning of life. If I wanted my mind expanded I’d gets some LSD - what you want in a Liam Neeson survival picture is some man on wolf action.

I did like a few scenes especially early on, when the darkness was lit up by more and more wolf eyes. At this point the guys knew they were screwed and that kind of fed into their approaches going forward. The ensemble cast mostly of lesser known actors did well and each got a decent dispatch.

The finale was kept enigmatic with a post credit snippet giving us a clue. I don’t always need a definite conclusion, and a helicopter showing up to save the day may have been stretching it, but something less inconclusive may have been more satisfying.

The film is worth a look but at two hours it does plod at some points and I really needed more bang sticks for my bucks if I was going to rate it higher.

THE Tag Line :  No Result - Going to Extra Time 70%

No.70 : The Keep (1983)

The Keep at IMDb

Nazis and the occult are well worn bedfellows in the movies with largely forgettable results. I’d never seen the 1983 effort ‘The Keep’ before, but it was better than I anticipated, though not by much.

The film opens with Jurgen Prochnow leading a group of German soldiers to a castle in a remote part of Romania. The war has yet to touch this area and he’s happy to be given this backwater job rather than a place on the Russian front. His men however are less thankful and use the soft posting as grounds to scare the locals and pillage what they can from ‘the keep’ - basically the prison bit of the castle.

The men soon disregard their ‘no looting’ orders and pry silver crosses from the brickwork. One cross stays stubborn, and when forced it brings a full stone block from the wall with it. This new gap opens into a massive chamber, which is well realised as the camera pulls back to reveal its scale. The new opening awakes something that has lain dormant in the keep and it wastes no time in getting out and frying its liberators.

Jurgen and a typically nasty SS man start an investigation into the deaths and to an inscription they find painted on the wall. They determine the best man to answer the questions they have is Ian McKellan who is presently languishing in a concentration camp. In the very next scene he’s at the keep with his daughter and translating doom for all. Meanwhile Scott Glenn awakens in Greece to a bad case of glowing eyes and heads towards the keep himself.

McKellan manages to make contact with the monster and is told that if he can remove an artefact from the keep the beast will no longer be anchored there and will rid the world of Nazis. To demonstrate his power he makes McKellan go all Benjamin Button and the old man sheds 40 years in seconds. He initially keeps his wheelchair though - possibly worried that it’ll affect his benefits.

Glenn by now has shown up and after boffing McKellan’s daughter gets shot up by the SS man, revealing green blood. He falls into a pit but no doubt he’ll still have a part to play. With all the Keep based Nazis dead, including Jurgen and Gabriel Byrne in a funny haircut, McKellan makes for the door with the monster restricting device. Should his quest to rid the world of Nazis be achieved at any cost or are some prices too high to pay?

If you don’t take it seriously ‘The Keep’ is a lot of fun. Seemingly director Michael Mann disowned the film after his 3 hour cut was halved but I think in this case the studio called it right. 90 minutes of crappy dialogue and ropey special effects is fine, but 3 hours would be taking the piss.

The whole film has an 80s aesthetic from the daughter’s big hair to the totally inappropriate synth soundtrack from Tangerine Dream. The effects, as they are, are mostly post-production additions of light and lasers and frankly they make ‘Flash Gordon’ look like ‘Avatar’. The same reversing smoke effect is used frequently but you wished they’d used it more when the monster is full revealed - he looks like one of those ‘Slam Man’ training dummies.

McKellan does OK with his preposterous dialogue and he seems to be enjoying himself, hamming it up for all he’s worth. His ‘old man’ make up is rubbish and it’s no surprise when he’s ‘transformed’ into his younger self. Glenn’s role is underwritten and I imagine a lot of his character development was lost in the edit. He basically gets the bright eyes, shags McKellan’s daughter , gets shot and then saves the day. A good day’s work you may think, but he seems totally anonymous when mysterious was being sought.

‘The Keep’ is no classic but good fun and fast moving, and well worth a look.

THE Tag Line : One to Keep (as a guilty pleasure) 70%

No.54 : The Score (2001)

The Score at the IMDb

Three acting giants get together for this somewhat routine heist movie. When you have Marlon Brando. Robert De Niro and Edward Norton on the cast list you’d expect something a bit more substantial but I imagine that after all the salaries were paid there was precious little left for the script. The film does have its charms but for the most part that lasting impression is of one ‘is that it?’

De Niro plays an aging safecracker who comes close to being undone in a pretty tense opening sequence. His near miss gives him pause for thought and he’s keen to retire and settle down with sexy air hostess Angela Bassett and manage his swanky jazz club.

His plans are put on the back burner however when his massive and mumbling fence, Marlon Brando, advises that the buyer for his last score has snuffed it and asks that he takes on one last job to put them all on easy Street. De Niro is reluctant at first but is soon talked around and is seduced by the challenge of the job.

The Score is in De Niro’s home town of Montreal and taking it on breaks one of the many rules that he observes and have kept him safe for his whole career. The heist involves the stealing of a $30 million sceptre from the customs house and requires the assistance of an inside man in the shape of Edward Norton. Ed has got a job in the customs house by developing an act of being a bit retarded and has gained access to all of the secure rooms and systems.

There are a few bumps in the planning, such as obtaining computer codes from a corrupt programmer, but essentially the film is a build up to the elaborate robbery and the fall out afterwards. Will the old thief get away clean or will the obvious twist and even more obvious double twist come about?

I always enjoy a good robbery flick and ‘The Score’ doesn’t disappoint. It’s no classic like the nerve jangling ‘Rififi’, but the pace and the planning are well handled making the whole scheme believable. For the most part it’s a two man show between De Niro, the wily old thief, and Norton the young super confident upstart. Brando gets high billing but he only gets a couple of scenes and frankly his part could have been jettisoned with no loss to the film’s narrative or quality. De Niro’s motivations towards him are poorly defined and why he doesn’t tell him to bugger off when he realises he’s getting 20% of the take for doing all the work is inconsistent with the character development that far.

De Niro is great as always and Norton impresses with a double role as the cocky bigmouth and his alter ego spanner character Brian. Angela Bassett could’ve been given more to do but did impress in her limited exposure.

The heist itself is done well with each of the two main characters encountering different impediments to the scheme . In truth the heist itself is secondary to our concerns for the elderly janitor who has befriended ‘Brian’. The scheme itself was ingenious and what seemed impossible was slowly dismantled into a plausible robbery. The fall out however was a bit of a letdown with two consecutive twists signalled from a long way off.

The film is an enjoyable one but given the cast list it’s probably a bit less than you’d be entitled to expect.

THE Tag Line : The Score? 7/10 70%

No.51 : The Core (2003)

The Core at the IMDb

Some people will tell you the ‘The Core’ is a lot of far fetched hokum, but I checked it out and it never actually claimed to be a documentary. It’s one of those films that always seem to be on and no matter were you stumble in to it you always hang about to the end. At least until the black guy does his noble sacrifice at any rate.

Anyway the world is in danger. People with pacemakers are falling over and pigeons are going mental in Trafalgar Square. The cause is unknown but dashing boffin Aaron Eckhart has an idea about the electro magnetic field breaking down. He consults with celebrity big head scientist Stanley Tucci who agrees that things look grim. They talk to the dad out of ‘Six Feet Under’ who has been promoted to head of the army and they set about saving the day.

They meet up with a black guy in the desert and effectively steal all his stuff. The plan is to journey to the planet’s core, to kick start the lava and save the day. They enlist Hilary Swank’s unfeasibly young and beautiful NASA pilot and a couple of other guys who are so destined to be cannon fodder that they may as well have been wearing red shirts.

After a couple of big surface disasters, the kind that dominate the trailer, the mission is on. They dive into the sea in their tunnelling machine and are soon travelling through special effects that are markedly poorer than those of ‘Inner Space', which is at least a decade older. As you’d expect there are bumps along the way, the kind that demand the crew get out and stretch their legs and allow for a noble sacrifice or two, no three - four!

I’ve seen ‘The Core’ five times easy and I’m always seduced by its cheesy charms. It’s light weight fun and despite more techno babble than a year of ‘Star Trek’ they still manage to make the implausible totally unbelievable. In the scene where they exit the craft, despite thousands of pounds of pressure, throwaway lines like “at least our suits are holding” without any reason why take you so far away from the premise that you may as well be watching an old man feeding his dog if you wanted scientific exposition. But we never came to learn - we came to see noble speeches and shit getting blown up.

I know landmark destruction is the ‘money shot’ in this kind of film but it beggars belief that the three points of the planet, that’s 70% water by the way, that the phenomena chooses to strike are Trafalgar Square, Rome are the Golden Gate Bridge. What’s the chances of that happening then? In fact if I was living near a landmark and saw a Hollywood film crew I’d be heading for the hills.

The characters are all likable and it’s rare to see Swank or Eckhart is a less than enjoyable film. Tucci delivers well as the up his arse scientist who may turn out nice in the end. His black polo neck and smoking habit were a bit much - they should just have given him a moustache to twirl and be done with it.

The destruction and technology effects were all well done with the microwaving of San Francisco and the frying of Rome both well executed. Less good was the travel though the Earth which looked like a lot of bubbles.

The plot was patently ridiculous with so many holes that you could turn a double decker bus over in them. It is of course moot to moan about the lack of decompression illness when you are talking about a metal tube fixing the planet but that’s half the fun of high concept nonsense like this.

If you’ve managed to miss ‘The Core’ on its endless repeat Film 4 showings you should have a look - the most fun scoffing you’ll have watching a disaster movie. Apart from ‘2012’.

THE Tag Line - No Bore Core Gets Decent Score - 70%

No.50 : The Hide (2008)

The Hide at the IMDb

A 90 minute film of two guys talking in a bird watching hide may not be the sort of thing most people would be attracted to but there was enough happening in this taught drama to keep me interested.

We open with the gay dad off ‘The In-Betweeners’ arriving at the titular structure ready for a hard day’s twitching. He’s seen all but one of Britain’s native species of birds and the conditions are ripe for him to tick off the last on his list. We know he’s a bit obsessive compulsive by the way he arranges his note books and equipment but at least he remembered to bring lots of sandwiches.

He’s barely eyed up his first bird when his solitude is ruined by someone at the door. We’re bound to be a bit worried as the new guy has tattoos and a bottle of wine - and there’s not much left! The conversations starts somewhat muted as the two men try to figure the other out. The older man, Roy, is by the book and very ‘old school’. He doesn’t care for the younger man, Dave’s, analogies featuring ‘nun’s bums’ and is clearly worried for his safety. He does have a friend at the other end of a walkie-talkie but sadly it’s one of those devices governed by the movie convention that it can only work intermittently and give out garbled half messages capable of being misunderstood.

Dave seems a lit of a loose cannon who’s capable of flying off the handle like so many lapwings. We really start to worry when we see that he has a gun and that a police helicopter is searching the area. But wait! Could we have gotten it wrong and the police’s target is someone other than the wine guzzling, tattooed miscreant? Better have another sandwich and mull it over…

I caught this film late night on ‘Film 4’ having never previously heard of it. It engaged me from the off and despite not enjoying ‘talking heads’ films I stayed to the end, enjoying every turn.

The two leads are both excellent as they’d really have to be for you to buy into the film. It has its origins as a stage play and it’s easy to see that in the single set production and cast of two. I liked the stiff and uptight Roy who was slowly dismantled as the film progresses. From his aloof and superior openings he was eventually reduced to talking about his ex-wife and his plans for her and her lover. Dave on the other hand had the opposite arc, starting out wild and random and ending up a bit sensitive and sympathetic.

The twists were well thought through and logical given the progression of events. There is one genuine ‘eeurgh’ moment amidst a lot of fast talking and deconstruction. You could argue that the central plot and eventual wrong foot are telegraphed from the start, and although I accept that, it was infinitely better than having a third character showing up in the last five minutes to turn things around.

It may be low budget but the crackling script and two excellent performances mean that ‘The Hide’ shouldn’t stay hidden on your movie radar

The (Spoiler) TAG Line : We Put Body & Soul Into Our Sandwiches! 70%

No.41 : The Howling (1981)

The Howling at the IMDb

Back in the 80s I used to have a copy of ‘The Howling’ that was mysteriously worn out around the 48 minute mark. I can’t remember having ever watched the film the whole way through but certain scenes seemed to resonate more with my teenage mind than others.

Having now seen the film in its entirety that certain scene remains the highlight but the whole thing is certainly worth a look. In a cluttered and clichéd genre it’s good to see a werewolf film that doesn’t take itself too seriously and isn’t afraid to play fast and loose with the ‘rules’.

Our heroine is Dee Wallace a sexy news anchor with big hair. As the film opens we find her out on an investigative report where she aims to rip the lid off some sleazy antics. She is to make contact with her source, Eddie, who quickly leads her to a porno theatre. As the 25c action hots up in the booth Eddie starts to change before he is shot up by a trigger happy cop.

Dee is traumatised by the event, as are we, having spent nearly 30 minutes without a hint of a wolf mask. Dee takes the advice of John Steed and take a convalescence break at his community upstate - HUGE mistake. Dee takes her husband who looks like a walking tribute to ‘Back to the Future’ with his body warmer and tight jeans.

They soon hears some howling in the night and the hubby gets a bite from a stuffed bear like creature. Meanwhile back in the city Dee’s team are following up leads and discover that Eddie’s body has gone awol. After a quick stop at Dick Miller’s book shop of the occult they start to figure out what is happening. Back at the ranch the bitten vegetarian hubby is getting a taste for meat and for the sexy weird chick who lives in a shack.

It soon becomes clear that Dee has found herself in a colony of werewolves and as the intrepid nerd news hound rushes to the rescue we have to wonder who’s wolfie and who just forgot to shave that day.

After a slow start I found this film really enjoyable despite it’s cruddy acting and ropey effects. It’s directed by Joe Dante who did ‘Gremlins’ and the Spider-Man films and his tongue in cheek style is evident throughout. The august cast that includes John Steed and John Carradine in his second definite article in a row ham it up something awful but it’s all good fun. The transformation effects are OK in the snout sprouting department but the over reliance on air bladders is a bit distracting. Talking of distracting the score is a nightmare of overly earnest organ playing and plinky plonk synth - give it a rest I could hardly make out the dialogue in some scenes.

As alluded to earlier there is a bit of full frontal nudity which I remembered from my youth - what I’d forgotten is that after the act they turn into cartoons - my Jessica Rabbit fetish is explained!

It’s not out the park great but for a slightly off beat take on an old genre you could do a lot worse than ‘The Howling’ - just stop at 1 - the many, many sequel prove the law of diminishing returns holds fast.

THE Tag Line : Not Just For Minute 48! 70%

No.11 : The Beach (2000)

The Beach at the IMDb

Time for a bit of sunshine to brighten these dark winter days at the Definitive Article Blog.

Danny Boyle’s film of Alex Garland’s book has a poor reputation, with most people (as usual) preferring the latter. I’m about halfway through the book and as good as it is I do have a soft spot for the cracking locations and extra sex scenes included in the movie.

The film follows the adventures of Richard, an American backpacker doing all the touristy things in Bangkok. He’s trying to do something different but unfortunately everyone else has the same idea and he ends up fighting the throngs and watching old movies instead. That is until Daffy shows up in the next room and over some lovely drugs he tells him of a paradise beach unspoiled by the beery yobs, for now.

Richard takes it with a pinch of salt but when he finds a map from Daffy pinned to his door and the dope addled Scotsman dead he decides to look it up with his two French pals in tow. The beach is meant to be remote and hard to find but clearly we want to get there as soon as possible soa few quick edits later we’re there, inside the first twenty minutes.

The beach is as lovely as suggested but dangers lurk nearby in the shape of dope farmers and sharks in the lagoon. Such concerns are saved for later and we then get maybe an hour of idyllic beach life with a cracking soundtrack and girls in bikinis before a shark attack changes everything. With one person dead and another dying the camp starts to split over what to do next. Actually just one French bloke stops to look after the victim while the rest get on with having fun.

Obviously the hedonistic lifestyle can’t go on for ever and when another group appear armed with a map from Richard it’s clear that things are going to get pretty bad pretty soon.

I enjoyed the first hour of the film and it’s a shame that there had to be some dramatic elements inserted to stop it just being a promo film for the Thailand tourist board. These are the film’s undoing as the character arc of Richard is totally unbelievable even with Leo Di Caprio doing his best. Basically he goes from wide eyed tourist to jungle ninja and back again in half an hour. There is an attempt to show his character being slowly seduced by Sal, the camp’s enigmatic leader, with him first agreeing to a bit of tooth pulling before condoning to murder and worse.

Sal herself, played by Tilda Swinton, isn’t that well defined either with her motivations unclear - is it the power or the life style she likes? Or is it just shagging the campers? I suppose to some a beautiful beach with unlimited dope would be great but I think I’d be bored after a week and missing the football scores. The subtext of the beach and the community corrupting the youth who are quick to shelve their values and ideals for a bit of lounging around didn’t really work for me and as a lesson in human nature it could learn a lot from ‘The Lord of the Flies’.

The cast are all very likable with Johnston out of ‘Peep Show’ doing a great turn. The sets are wonderful as is the emotive soundtrack that only failed in not using ‘Pure Shores’ by All saints to greater effect. The shark bite make up is also worth a mention with it having a real ‘bet that hurt’ quality about it. Also painful is the scene where Leo turns into a video game - I bet the farmer’s field was plundered the night they came up with that bit!

Overall this is enjoyable film that trails off towards the end. The vibe for the first hour is great and the cast are clearly having a cracking time as you’d expect. The road to damnation was signposted early on but at least we had some fun getting there.

THE Tag Line : Life’s a beach and then you get eaten by a shark 70%