No.250 : The Ripper (TV) (2020)

The Ripper (TV) 2020 at the IMDb

 I was born in 1971 and in many ways the Yorkshire Ripper was my first experience of an ongoing hunt for a serial killer. I do have a distinct memory of the murder of Jacqueline Hill being reported in November 1980 and of it being the talk of the schoolyard. Fortunately she was the last victim, with Peter Sutcliffe being arrested soon after, after being picked up for offences unrelated to his murders.

I have been interested in the case and enjoyed a three part pod cast on the Case File site  which I’d strongly recommend. It went into greater depth than the Netflix TV show we are discussing now, but they are clearly different approaches to the same horrific crimes.

This Netflix documentary series is in four parts of roughly an hour each. They are presented in chronological order with the first setting the scene, the middle two covering the murders and the investigation and the last dealing with Peter Sutcliffe’s capture and the fallout of the investigation which, by all accounts, was botched and contributed to at least some of the murders being allowed to happen.

The series uses mainly archive footage and is pretty familiar in its approach, with a voiceover explaining what is happening set against news reports and newspaper headlines of the time. What sets this series apart however, is the present day interviews with many of the key players, which  included the son of one of the early victims who relives the trauma of learning of his mother’s demise and her character assassination in the press who dubbed her as a prostitute.

Other talking heads include Bruce Jones of Coronation Street fame who discovered one of the bodies as well as police personnel and journalists who worked the case at the time. I didn’t learn too much from this series, but what was done well was the telling of the story with events laid out in chronological order with graphics showing where each of the women died, relative to each other.

They also delved into Sutcliffe’s other crimes, many of which were forgotten when his 13 murders were being discussed. Several women survived his assaults and it was haunting to hear their first hand accounts of their encounters with the maniac.

The clear message from the series was one of police incompetence. The Ripper was interviewed nine times, with one officer telling us that he told his bosses that he had found the suspect only to be rebuffed owing to Sutcliffe not fitting the profile that had been created. There was also a lot of content devoted to the misogyny of the police and the public’s attitude towards the victims who were painted as worthless due to some being prostitutes. This was a valid thread for the programme but they did spend a lot of time on it with lots of opinions being offered about contemporary attitudes. 

This was fine and laudable but it was at the expense of other aspects of the case being unexplored - Sutcliffe himself didn’t get much of a profile with his motivations being largely untouched. We know he’s a nutter but what took him to that place and what made him so adept at murder and at evading capture? The other villain of the piece, the hoaxer ‘Weirside Jack’, was also not discussed in depth which was a shame as this was a thread the show left hanging. The hoaxes, which were bought wholesale by the police, contributed greatly to at least three murders being allowed to happen and I’d liked to have seen this aspect being explored. I did read up on it and the miscreant concerned got 8 years after a cold case investigation captured him in 2000.

Overall this was a well made and compelling series that paid due respect to the victims involved and highlighted the issues that led this murderer the chance to run free for a decade. It’s hopeful that lessons have been learned as it was clear that the policemen involved in this investigation couldn’t find their arse with both hands. At the end it was blind luck that netted the Ripper with the police investigation being as much use as a cock flavoured lollypop.

This was a crime of its time that will never happen again due to advances in DNA detection, CCTV and computing. The police were clearly negligent but the crimes belonged to one man alone, and that shouldn’t be forgotten amongst all the finger pointing.

This was a good and worthwhile effort but it was too short with the ending seeming somewhat rushed. The material could easily have filled 12 one hour episodes and I hope a ‘director’s cut’ that explores all the hanging threads is in the works.

The Tag Line : Ripper Yarns   70%

No.242 : The Package (2018)

 The Package at the IMDb

This is our second ‘The Package’ following the Dolph Lundgren/Steve Austin action thriller.  That was dreadful, but amazingly this effort manages to be even worse. Worse than a film starring a wrestler and Ivan Drago? You bet.

To be honest the signs were there early on - the film has emojis in the title with the aubergine being a substitute for a penis. Well you couldn’t lower the tone on your vulgar teen gross out comedy could you?

There is hardly a plot to speak of, but basically someone slices their cock off on a camping trip and it’s up to his friends to get him reunited with his pecker before reattachment surgery becomes unviable.

There are two young couples and some tiresome dynamics in play. They are horny teens but privileged ones with nice houses and fancy cars. One boy likes a girl but she has a douchebag boyfriend. Another is a pale ginger boy who is very annoying and compensates for his virginal state by being a complete asshole to all concerned. 

For reasons too dull to go into, the group go on a camping trip and the Navajo boy with the long black hair decides to play with his flick knife whilst having a midnight piss. He slices off his cock and is airlifted away by the air ambulance, sans John Thomas. His friends pack up the camp site and manage to find the mangled manhood. They learn it has 12 hours left before surgery won’t be possible so they try to get the pecker and plonker reunited via a variety of adventures involving stealing boats and dealing with crazed ex-military types. After an hour they get the Johnston to the hospital and the surgery is a success. But wait! There’s half an hour left so it’s discovered the cock has been sown onto the wrong man whose own member was severed by his mental wife who is still on the prowl. 

All the while romantic subplots are developing with one lad texting the girl he likes’ boyfriend to call it off. Will his subterfuge be found out and does she like him anyway? We need to know! Will the cock be reattached and will the horny teens end up with a nice big kiss?

This was a tacky and tasteless film and whilst that’s normally my go to, this was just plain awful. Every single character was a smug teen you wouldn’t tire of punching. The whole joke is that they have a loose cock to take care of, so inevitably it gets lost, puked on, bitten by a snake and then sucked off. The stunt cock is quite realistic but there are only so many ways a bunch of dildos can interact with a fake dobber and for it to be amusing.

There were perhaps two smiles but both were the same gag with someone taking over a man's TV with porn by hijacking their wi-fi. Apart from that it was dick this and penis that for an hour and a half. If I wanted that I’d watch the Tory party conference - little bit of politics there.

If you like your films mindless and unfunny you’re onto a winner here; and if cock jokes are your thing, then you’ve hit the mother lode.

THE Tag Line : Don’t Unwrap The Package 35%

No.241 : The Stranger (TV, 2020)

The Stranger (TV) at the IMDb

Based on the novel by Harlan Coben ‘The Stranger’ is an 8 part series made by Netflix. The New Jersey setting of the novel has been transplanted to the UK with the series filmed in and around the Manchester area and using a lot of familiar actors.

Solicitor Adam seems to have the perfect life - he has a nice house, two sons and is married to her off ‘Ballykissangel’. His life is turned upside-down however when the titular stranger shows up and tells him to have a dig about his wife’s bank account. He does so and finds evidence that her pregnancy, which ended with a miscarriage two years previously, was in fact faked. He confronts her about this and shortly thereafter she goes missing.

Meanwhile a teenage rave goes wrong when a doped up youth is found naked in the woods and a decapitated alpaca is dumped in the town centre. Elsewhere Jennifer Saunders, who runs a coffee shop, gets a couple of shots of her own - to the head - and the police are at a loss to tie all these events together. Adam’s full plate is in danger of tipping over as he tries to protect his client Stephen Rea from eviction at the hands of Adam’s estranged father, Anthony Head.

All the while The Stranger is demanding blackmail money from a variety of victims about whom she knows their most intimate secrets. Are her actions purely financial or does she have moral convictions at the heart of her schemes? As the series progress the disparate strands of the story start to come together, with the exposed secrets causing untold damaged to those involved and their families.

I wasn’t too sold on this show at first as it looked like one of those ‘event’ ITV dramas that usually end up being a lot of predictable guff designed only to advance the career of some non-entity that they foolishly signed a contract with. I was however drawn in by the complex story and the compelling drama that unfolded. There were perhaps too many plot strands with a few going nowhere and serving only to distract you from the main thrust of the story. I guess a bit of misdirection is par for the course in a mystery drama, and the pace was such that I never lost interest in the next development.

The story developed logically and the detection angle was good. Siobhan Finnernan stood out as the lead detective although her accent made me think she was a refugee from Coronation Street. Richard Armitage was also good as the father struggling to understand what was going on and Rea and Paul Kaye did well in supporting roles that ran deep.

I was less impressed with ‘The Stranger’ herself who didn’t have the menace or gravitas the role demanded. I see in the book it was a bloke and this failing may have been down to the casting director looking to mix things up by casting a young woman, when the role demanded something a bit more sinister.

I liked how the story threads weaved together and the fact that everyone’s secrets impacted on those about them. The ending wasn’t a great surprise given the clues seeded throughout, but it was still a satisfying conclusion to an excellent and compelling drama.

THE Tag Line : Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun…  76%

 

No.239 : The Foreigner (2017)

The Foreigner at the IMDb

Jackie Chan sorting out the troubles in Northern Ireland sounds like a recipe for disaster but this was a really enjoyable and well made thriller.

Jackie, looking all of his 63 years, plays a restaurant worker in London. He is protective of his daughter but lets her head into a dress shop as he parks his car. Huge mistake! The dress shop explodes killing the daughter and several others. An adjacent bank has been bombed taking the frock shop out in the process.

We see the investigation going on, along side the cell of IRA bombers celebrating their success. They are the ‘Authentic IRA’ and are keen to derail the peace process in their bid for a united Ireland. Pierce Brosnan plays a Gerry Adams type government minister who used to be in the IRA but now works to try and maintain the fragile peace. His bosses in London charge him with finding those responsible but we suspect early on that Pierce knows more than he’s letting on.

Meanwhile a grieving Jackie is looking for answers. He is initially fobbed off by the police and Brosnan but they don’t realise who they are dealing with - it’s Jackie Chan for goodness sake! Jackie spots Pierce’s likely involvement early on and gets his attention by setting off a home made bomb in his office toilet - must have had extra chillies in the Madras.

There are a lot of twists and double dealing but eventually the terrorist cell is identified; but what are their targets, who is giving the orders and can a quest for revenge ever end well?

This film rattled along at a great pace and it boasted excellent performances from its two leads. Brosnan was especially good in his most Irish outing since ‘Taffin’. His Nord Iron accent did slip at times but he was good value as the sleekit minister unable to detach himself from his past. He had some good lines calling Chan ‘a fookin’ wanker’ at one point.

Chan kept away from his usual wisecracks and elaborate fight scenes, playing a more introspective character who was like a force of nature flying through endless Irish henchmen. There were fights of course, but they were pretty brutal with Chan himself taking plenty of licks.

The action scenes were well done, as you’d expect from Bond director, Martin Campbell and the plot was twisty without ever being confusing or needlessly complex.

The rights and wrongs of the political situation weren’t really addressed with the murder of women and children being condemned and only the rogue cell being the out and out and out bad guys. Brosnan’s was a conflicted character who had our sympathies at the start but his façade was slowly pulled down by Chan’s interventions until he was revealed as the villain of the piece, albeit with decent initial intentions.

The only thing I didn’t like was the title which makes the film sound like some BNP propaganda effort. The words ‘the foreigner’ are never used and Chan says at one point he’s a British citizen. I guess the original book title ‘The Chinaman’ was rejected as it sounds a bit racist. What not call it ‘Chan v Bond : Irish Style’? I’d have definitely watched it before now if it had been!

THE Tag Line : Well Maybe You Should Be Watching This! 80%

 

No.235 : The Irishman (2019)

 

The Irishman at the IMDb

I’d put off watching ‘The Irishman’ due to its infamous length of over three hours, but having watched it in two sessions it just flew by and it’s certainly one you should look up. That said it could have done with some serious editing with a lot of stuff padded out, or not really necessary to tell the story.

The Irishman of the title is Frank Sheeran, a hit man and union leader played by Robert De Niro. We meet him at first in an old folks home where he’s recounting his story to an unseen person. His story dissolves to a flashback where he, Joe Pesci and their wives are heading to a wedding. Their car breaks down and De Niro and Pesci reminisce about how they first met. So the flashback becomes a further flashback to the days when De Niro was a truck driver and Pesci a gang boss.

De Niro soon rises through the ranks of the local mob by ‘painting houses’ a euphemism for whacking people, normally with a couple of shots in the back of the head meaning their walls get a nice bit of decoration. Pesci's mob boss works closely with the Teamsters trucking union which is run by Jimmy Hoffa (Al Pacino) and De Niro is loaned to him to help out with some business. He later becomes a union organiser himself and as the years pass we witness their involvement in the Bay of Pigs and Kennedy assassination amongst other dubious events.

Meanwhile De Niro is estranged from his four daughters, mainly because he’s such a big psycho that beats up the local grocer and for all the murders. The pivotal event of the film is the famous disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa and it is covered in some detail. Seemingly the facts are disputed but the film certainly hitches its wagon to real life confession of Frank.

We meet loads of other gangsters and the film helpfully adds captions giving their names and how they met their demise - not many died of natural causes! Eventually we are back in the care home with De Niro nearing the end of his days with all his contemporaries having gone before him. Can he find redemption from the church and can he reconcile with his family?

This was a great film that was very much in the same style as ‘Goodfellas’ and ‘Casino’. I don’t think it was as good as those films, but they do set a high mark. Essentially you get a trip through 40 years of gangland violence and racketeering set against the soundtrack of the time. It is well documented that the three leads were de-aged by computer and the effect was generally good. I didn’t buy that the 70 year old plus actors were in their 40s but they certainly didn’t look their years.

The sets and costumes were great and the evocation of the eras depicted was well done. The film was too long however, and I think it could have been boiled down to two hours or at least turned into a 4 part mini series. The depiction of Hoffa’s last hours went on for an age and I don’t see what all the talk of a fish did to help the flow of the scenes. You could say it built tension, but I was losing interest as they rambled on about whether it was a cod or halibut.

There were some great supporting performances too with people like Stephen Graham, Jessie Plemons, Bobbie Cannavale and an under used Harvey Keitel all getting a look in.

Overall the film is worth the investment of your time. I think director Martin Scorsese was probably given too much of a free hand as the film was allowed to ramble and go off into irrelevant tangents, so maybe a non-director’s cut is the one to look out for!

Best Bit : Grocer gets checked out    75%

No.225 : The Wizard (1989)

 

The Wizard at the IMDb

This film was suggested to me on Netflix after I had finished watching the 80’s video game documentary ‘High Score’. The documentary I enjoyed, this film not so much. It was OK for what it was, but ultimately it was an unsatisfying piece of family schmaltz.

Fred Savage gets an over the titles credit as he was at the height of his ‘Wonder Years’ fame when the film came out. He obviously squeezed this into his schedule as he has the same haircut and you are half expecting to get that voice-over to offer you some background.

Savage has a dysfunctional family with Christian Slater as his brother and Beau Bridges as his casserole burning Dad. He also has a brother Jimmy who is a bit different - he's probably meant to be autistic but nothing concrete is ever said. Jimmy lives with his Mum and step dad and does’t say much.

One day Jimmy runs away from home and is soon joined by Savage who can't be outwith the limelight. In ‘Rain man’ style they learn that Jimmy is great at video games and soon they start to hustle all the grown men who seem to be hanging around video game arcades. They also meet up with tom boy Wendy and the three decide to head to California where there is a $50k, winner takes all, video game tournament.

Mild peril is added in the shape of Lucas an ass hole rival game player, and a suspect bounty hunter who seems a bit too keen to be running down kids for it to be comfortable. Added to the mix are Bridges and Slater who are also in pursuit of the errant trio.

After an hour or so they arrive at the tournament - can they win the cash? and what is in Jimmy’s case that he holds so dearly? Can this family come together via the medium of Super Mario Brothers?

You have to look at this film in the manner it was intended and by that metric it is OK. By any other it is a lame piece of family drama with no peril or surprises.

The film has the feeling of a Disney offering and apart from a rather suspect conversation about a young girl’s breasts there is nothing here to worry even a Ned Flanders type censor. There are bullies and shady characters but these are all easily beaten by our savvy kids and at no point did you feel they were in any danger.

There was no doubt that they were getting to the video game contest which made the first hour of getting there rather pointless. Bridges and Slater’s arc was particularly weak with the only development being that Bridges started to like video games.

Slater made this in the same year as ‘Heathers’ and you can only assume he read the pay cheque before the script.

The big video game showdown was a letdown with the game somewhat confusing, with our man winning despite losing more men than Kitchener. The final resolution about a lost twin seemed taped on and offered nothing in the way of salvation or justification for 100 minutes of running around playing Nintendo.

You may get a few retro thrills from this, but if that’s your quest I’d stick to ‘High Score’ if I were you.

THE Tag Line : Game Over man 55%

No.221 : The Sinner (TV) (2017) Series 1-3

The Sinner at the IMDb

A second trip into the Definitive world of TV now as we look at all three seasons of the American show ‘The Sinner’. Each season deals with a single case and lasts for 8 episodes. This may seem like overkill for a single investigation but the format does lend itself to an exhaustive approach to the crime and the motivations behind it. It won’t be for everyone, especially if you need a lot of action, but fans of the police procedural will lap it up.

Bill Pullman stars as Harry Ambrose a bearded detective working out of a precinct in Dorchester New York. It’s a well heeled community and you get the sense that murders are the exception rather than the norm. Harry has a basket full of issues, with a troubled marriage, that is soon dissolved, and a few kinks of his own including paying fat hookers to beat him up. These edges start to disappear in the later series which are pretty much straight up investigations, with Harry’s quirks largely set to one side.

The three seasons broadcast so far deal with individual crimes although mentions of the previous events do crop up in later investigations. The crimes all involve unlikely murderers and Harry’s, largely self appointed, task is to understand the motivations behind them and whether they can be explained or justified.

The three seasons are named after the main subject with the first being Cora. Cora is a young mother who one day at the beach stabs a man to death with a fruit knife. It looks like an open and shut case and she pleads guilty, but Harry knows he has 8 episodes to fill, and starts to dig deeper. As he slowly unravels details of the case we learn of a larger conspiracy and a horrific back-story that begins to explain her actions.

In the second season a young boy poisons his two carers, with tea made from a deadly root. Again it’s an open and shut case, but why did he do it and what has the mysterious cult, in which he was raised, got to do with it all?

In the last season to date, a young teacher survives a car crash in which his friend dies. An examination of the timeline shows that the friend could have been saved,. Why was he allowed to die and what about these other murders that are cropping up?

For me the first two seasons were great with the third only being so-so. I liked the fresh approach to detective work, although it beggared belief that Harry would be given free reign to pick apart an open and shut case whilst, presumably, loads of other murders were going unsolved, The first series was the most satisfying in terms of revelations and detective work. Harry has no special powers apart from asking the right questions and reading people. At first his kinky life is a major factor in his character but that’s rightly sidelined as the series progresses. I know every cop show needs an angle but I don’t need to see my leading man get his face sat on, on a regular basis.

The second series involving the cult was good too and I liked how the conspiracy was all over the town with various worthies getting drawn in. The creepy kid was excellent as was Carrie Coon, who you’ll know off Season 3 of ‘Fargo’. It was also good to see ‘Mr Dresden’ off those old Orange Cinema ads as ‘The Beacon’.

The third season was still enjoyable but it stretched things a bit far in terms of the indulgences allowed to Harry and by him to his suspect. When he agreed to be buried in a grave to win his suspect’s trust you could almost hear the ‘whoosh’ as the shark was jumped.

Bill Pullman is likeable in the lead, as the sharp but laid back detective. He is given too much latitude in his investigations to be believable, but you give it a pass as it’s enjoyable to see him dismantle an unbreakable case.

At the start I thought there was going to e a supernatural element to the series but in the end it is down to nothing more than peoples’ minds and their motivation, which is ultimately more satisfying than a lot of paranormal gubbins.

The series has been renewed for a fourth season and I’d certainly recommend that you get on board before that comes out. All series can be found on Netflix.

THE Tag Line : Sinner’s a Winner 74%

No.184 : The Decline (2020)

The Decline at the IMDb

Like our previous film ‘The Objective’ this film also has a group of people who are gradually whittled down by a relentless killer, but that’s where the similarities end, as this one was quite good.

Made by Netflix, the film is French/Canadian and the version I watched had dubbing that would make a porno blush. I think you can watch it in the original French and view the subtitles if your O'level language skills are lacking, and that would present the film at its best. I watched it dubbed with sub-titles and it was strange that barely a line of dialogue matched the words spelled out below.

Anyway, we open with people looking over a dead body wrapped in a bloody sheet and we wonder how we got here - well you’ll need to wait 34 minutes before you catch up. We meet Antoine who, in Chas Tenenbaum style, rouses his family in the night and evacuates them from the city. We learn that it was just a drill and that the next time his daughter’s turtle is getting left behind. Antoine worries about social decay and feels that things will kick off soon. He preps his family by watching Youtube videos of a Ray Mears style outdoorsman who gives handy tips on preserving rice and bush craft.

Things get moving when Antoine is invited to a survival camp hosted in the wilderness, by his hero. Things start off OK, with some rabbit skinning and dish washing, but we start to wonder the agenda when the arts and crafts lesson turns to pipe bomb manufacturing and the conversation to immigrants with machetes. Clearly our man is a nutter, but before the visitors can make their excuses and leave, one of them is blown up and killed by a home made bomb.

Our previously counter culture visitors agree that they should really be calling the cops, but the survival nut host, Alain, says no and  starts to burn the body. Protests from the group see one shot in the leg and another three, flee into the woods where we know plenty of traps lie in wait. Alain teams up with return guest and fellow mentalist David, and the hunt is on.

Who will survive? Will it be family man Antoine whom we have invested in or maybe the military woman whom we know is good at wrestling moves? Surely not the shot woman tied to the table?

Despite the poor dubbing I really liked this film and it kept a heady pace throughout. It’s hard to comment on the acting, as the dubbing took so much away from the performances, but it was likeable and believable group of characters. I liked how they all started out as survivalists fearing ‘the man’ only to have to re-examine their positions once things went out of their comfort zone.

It was good that it was quickly whittled down to a two versus two scenario and there were a few surprises to keep you guessing. The deaths were all visceral with plenty of blood being splattered across the fresh snow. Of course, you will have seen a survival horror along these lines before, but there were enough fresh elements and twists here to keep me engaged.

I’m not sure why it was called ‘The Decline’ - a decline in society? Declining numbers of survivors? Probably lost in translation. At only 85 minutes this is a quick thrill and definitely one to spend some of your Nexflix time on.

THE Tag Line : Survive This!  75%

No.171 : The Dirt (2019)

The Dirt at the IMDb

I’d read the book ‘The Dirt’ a few years back and rally liked its sleazy, grimy feel, so I was looking forward to this Netflix produced movie version. It’s pretty good but not a patch on the book, which leaves you needing a shower after reading a few pages.

The film follows the book closely and uses it’s same narrative devices with characters breaking the fourth wall to explain situations or to give opinions on the events unfolding. In the book the band members all write separate chapters and often contradict each other on key events. This is harder to show on film, so at times it does seem a bit of an unstructured mess - that’s not always a bad thing as the chaos and mayhem intended come across vividly.

The film opens with a young Nikki Sixx leaving his family for the rock and roll lifestyle. He’s wearing a Judge Dredd t-shirt from the ‘Judge Death Lives’ story line that post dates the timeline being shown - I hope someone got fired for that howler!

After the usual round of trashy gigs and failed auditions they end up with the starting line up for their band ‘Motely Crue’ - sorry can’t find the umlauts. After five minutes of struggle the band are soon playing stadium gigs and are behaving very badly.

There are some funny scenes with them trashing hotel rooms and sniffing ants with Ozzie Osbourne and oh so many groupies. There are more tits on show here than in the RSPB annual survey.

The band soon starts to fracture with their relationships with each other and their partners failing, leading to break ups and fall outs. They all get sober and fall off the wagon before splitting up and then reforming. It’s basically every rock band bio-pic that you’ve ever seen.

The cast is pretty good with most of them unknown to me apart from Mick Marrs who was played by Ramsay Bolton and their manager who was played by Gale Boetticher off ‘Breaking Bad’ - that’s were the drugs came from!

The Netflix description says the film is “Unflinching” and that’s true - the band come across as a shower of self centred dicks with few redeeming features. That’s good in terms of it being an honest piece of work but you have very little invested in them - a tour bus explosion wouldn’t have been a bad thing!

Of course as a bio-pic you have to stick to the facts and that is done to the smallest detail with the closing credits showing real and recreated images of the same event. It’s good they went to that level of detail with the authenticity, but they could maybe have delved a bit deeper into the band’s motivations and the consequences of their actions. Still you don’t watch a Crue bio-pic for some deep naval gazing.

There was a decent budget in play with the costumes and sets all well done. There were limits however, with the stadium shows looking a bit light and Tommy’s rotating drums cage just being a couple of metal bars over his head.

I liked that real people such as Ozzie and Heather Locklear were shown and there were some genuinely funny moments. I especially liked the A&R man turning to camera to say ‘Don’t leave your girlfriend with Motely Crue - they’ll fuck her”.

There were a couple of bits that took you out of the story such as when the voice over tells you certain characters aren’t going to be shown in the film - I don’t know why that was needed as it wasn’t billed as a documentary. Still I guess it’s in keeping with the book’s ‘warts and all’ approach.

I did think that the bands struggle to the top was a bit quick and they missed out the best story from the book where they all bought breakfast burritos before going home so they could stick their dicks in them to prevent their girlfriends smelling the groupies on them. I guess smelling of a McMuffin was fine!

Overall this was a good effort. It wasn’t quite as sleazy as I‘d have liked with the band looking a bit clean cut in places. They did however not shirk from the sex and drugs, with the rock n roll also present although they didn’t do my favourite Crue song ‘Wild Side’.

Well worth a look on you lock down Netflix odyssey.

THE Tag Line : Needs More Dirt!   73%

No.166 : The Spy (TV) (2019)

The Spy at the IMDb

In a change to our regular programming let’s have a look at this 6 part TV mini series that you’ll find on Netflix.

Written and directed by the chap who made the series that became ‘Homeland’ The Spy tells the true life story of Eli Cohen a top Mossad agent in the 1960s.

The series opens with Eli, played by Sacha Baron Cohen having trouble in getting into the army. His persistence pays off however when he is recruited as a spy after passing some elaborate tests. These were good fun such as 'spot the trail' with some good tips for wannabe stalkers.

He gets the job, but we know it won’t end well as we’ve already had a flash forward of him having his fingernails ripped out - or could this just be a particularly aggressive manicurist?

He starts out in Argentina in a bid to create a false identity as a Syrian businessman. Things start on a small scale with newspapers being sent home as wrappers for his pot export bisiness giving juicy titbits for his handlers.

Soon he is in Syria itself but drawing the attention of Dr Bashir off Deep Space Nine who wears the same scowl in every scene and says very little. Eli however is having fun hosting parties for influential people whilst tapping out messages for those back in Israel.

As the last episode nears we know the end is nigh, as Eli gets too confident and takes too many risks. Can it end well for him and his long suffering wife? Will his antics in the 1960’s solve the Middle Eastern troubles? Probably not.

This was a great series which is well worth the investment of 6 hours of your time. The 1960s settings are well realised and I liked the modern touches such as the Morse code being tapped out in letters on the screen and signs being translated as characters walked by them.

Baron Cohen is excellent as his namesake Eli, and it’s easy to buy how much information he gains through his charm and bravado.

The tension ratchets up as the series continues as the noose slowly tightens - literally! As with a lot of spy series the tension is in the editing, with Eli tapping away as the detector van turns the corner - quick turn it off!

The home front parts were less engaging with the wife doing her best to raise the kids whilst fending off the horny handler.

I hadn’t known about this story before and although some dramatic licence is seemingly used, it is an amazing story of bravery and ultimately hubris.

Some bits, such as a 5 year old Osama bin Laden showing up were a bit on the nose, but for the most part it was compelling and fascinating stuff.

THE Tag Line : Very Nice!  80%

No.164 : The Do-Over (2016)

The Do-Over at the IMDb

Oh no! That old ‘Does a hyphen discount a film from definite article status?’ chestnut again. As previously advised it does not, and if you think I’m watching this piece of tosh and not writing about it you have another thought coming!

The film opens with David Spade - the clues were there from the off! - attending his high school reunion. He meets up with Max, Adam Sandler doing his usual, and the pair share some truths about their lives since they were at school. Spade has married the prom queen but she’s likely boning her ex whilst leaving Spade to raise her terrible twins. Spade has a job in a bank in a supermarket and although this is shown as a demeaning, dead end job it helps towards the end when he displays some frankly unbelievable web-fu and high finance skills.

Sandler says he’s a FBI agent and is stalked by his nutty girlfriend, Kathryn Hahn. After a few product placement Coronas the pair part, with Spade later taking an offer to meet with Sandler on his yacht. They have a great day but when the yacht explodes Sandler explains his plan - let’s ditch our dull lives and take over those of two dead bodies that he’s taken ownership of in his real job as a coroner. Spade quickly agrees despite Sandler lying to him throughout.

A secret agenda is however in play and there will be many more twists and turns before the real plan is revealed. Can ether of the misfits find happiness and why is the cure to cancer so important? Has Spade really nailed that hot chick or are other agendas in play?

This was a pretty formulaic comedy with only jokes and humour left out of the mix. Sandler makes no effort at characterisation and is basically a dick throughout. He’s later revealed to have proper motivations, but for the most part he’s just being an asshole and wrecking people's lives. Fair enough when it’s David Spade’s but that 100 minutes of my life he’s taken with nothing in return.

To be fair the sunny locations and bikinied lovelies are nice but you do get the sense that everyone involved is having far more fun than you the viewer. There were a couple of subplots such as a haphazard American Express investigator who keeps getting hurt and Mike off ‘Veep’ who for some reason was asked to do an annoying accent.

For your money you also get some torture and genital mutilation but that only goes so far to redress the boredom threshold. The woman characters are very poor with one shameful scene at the end seeing two of them have a full on cat fight whilst the men stand back and shrug - Chicks eh?!

If you have even a two laugh criteria you’ll find this film lacking and there wasn’t even a Rob Schneider cameo to keep me distracted.

The film ends with a bit of hope for us all in the form of a cancer cure being found up David Spade’s ass. That pretty much sums up the film’s ambitions set against what it delivered.


THE Tag Line : We’ll always have the women on the boat. 24%

No.151 : The Outsider (2018)

The Outsider at the IMDb

The regular reader of this blog will remember that we have twice before visited the genre of ‘round eye in Japan’ in The Challenge and The Yakuza. Both these films were decent with the usual cultural differences played out to give a bit of drama as well as stuff being chopped off.

This entry in to the increasingly busy genre stars Jared Leto as the only non-Japanese in an Osaka prison. We don’t know his back-story but he has a bushy beard so it may be something to do with razor blades. He has a lowly job in the prison and has to defer to the Yakuza gangster inmates who are identifiable by their extensive tattoos.

Leto’s character ‘Nick’ saves one man from a hanging and later assists in an escape attempt when he helpfully calls the guards when his cell mate slices open his belly. The local Yakuza clan thank Nick for his efforts and get him out of jail. They also give him a job, but not one with many prospects as it involves braining an unhelpful American factory owner with a typewriter.

His new bosses are impressed and soon Leto has a suit and a tattoo of his own. His clan aren’t the strongest however, with some rivals trying to muscle in on their territory. Nick stops one incursion but has to give up two fingers when his ageing boss send over the digits as an apology rather than risk a war. That’ll be the end of his fledgling ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ career.

Nick’s family’s troubles suggest there is a rat in the camp and when it’s revealed to be his boss there is no surprise whatsoever. This nasty piece of work also makes moves on Nick’s girlfriend who is pregnant and is also involved in a big pow-wow at the docks which was a bad plan from the off. Elsewhere Nick’s back story is touched upon when he bumps into an old army colleague who suggests Nick’s appearance is a surprise and may be of interest to the military. I wouldn’t be taking any invites home if I was that guy!

With a big showdown looming who can we trust and will Nick manage to win the respect of a frankly odious bunch of gangsters?

This film started out well but lost it’s way, with the ending being a right load of old cobblers. The main failing was the character of Nick himself. It’s thinly written with no backstory at all. This starts off OK with Nick being all intense and mysterious but later on, with nothing revealed, you can be forgiven for wondering ‘Why should I care?’. We don’t know why Nick is in jail , looking like the ghost of David Bellamy, and we don’t know why he’s attracted to the Yakuza - maybe it’s the suits and the staring.

Although a Netflix film, the production is lavish with post war Japan brilliantly realised. There are plenty of gory slayings and some brutal finger choppings, none of which I could watch. Even the ‘thunk’ as the blade slices through - urrgh!

It’s not clear what the girl sees in Nick who is clearly certifiable. The Yakuza all seem quite welcoming too apart from the usual ‘white dog’ insults. Maybe they just see him as someone not scared of doing the dirty work.

I don’t think I learned anything here and the entertainment value was negligible. None of the characters engaged with me and for all his starey silences Nick just came across as a rudderless psycho with the charisma of a stale won-ton. The Japanese henchmen were mostly subtitled apart from when they tried a bit of English, but you wished those bits had been subtitled too.

You get all the usual gubblins about honour, but of course they are all stabbing each other in the back, or slicing the throat to be more exact, every chance they get.

The film is nice to look at but a strong win for style over substance.

The Tag Line : I’ll just slice that for you…

55%

No.148 : The Laundromat (2019)

The Laundromat at the IMDb

This is bound to be good; Steve Soderbergh directing Meryl Streep in a film about losing socks and using the wrong type of fabric conditioner.

What? It’s a metaphor for the financial system? Well, OK then.

The film starts with Gary Oldman and Antonio Banderas giving us a pretty patronising lecture about the nature of money. This is well done as they wander past cave men and end up in a fancy nightclub. It’s not clear who there are or why they are adopting funny accents but more will be revealed.

The film proper opens with Meryl and her husband James Cromwell going on a nice lake cruise, but things go quickly awry when the boat sinks leaving James at the bottom. Guess they shouldn’t have had the T1000 Terminator run the excursion! Meryl isn’t after the money but she’s shocked when she finds the insurance, which had been arranged by Ross off of ‘Friends’ wasn’t valid. There followed a seemingly dull section about reinsurance, but I quite enjoyed it as that’s my line.

The film is divided into various sections with cool graphics and title cards, and we follow where the insurance premium went and how the system is totally corrupt. Meryl gets a small settlement and advice to take a holiday. She does, but only to Nevis where the shell company who provided the reinsurance is based. She runs into the company owner, Jeffrey Wright, who is too busy working on his terrible Jamaican accent to give her any time. Meryl was wanting to buy a flat in Vegas off Sharon Stone but can’t because of a lack of cash and due to Russians gazumping her with a massive cash bid.

We start to delve deeper into the shady world of shell companies and meet Gary and Antonio in their real form as corrupt bankers. They run thousands of paper companies which have their secretaries as signatories and who have zero ethics or responsibilities. When one secretary dies of a consequence of a dodgy road begat of a corrupt financing scheme another steps into her shoes - this one looks and sounds a bit familiar though? Actually she looks like the Bo’ Selecta version of Lorraine Kelly, but I’m sure it’s just an unusual looking actress.

A further layer of the corrupt world plays out with an African bribe merchant who is having family troubles, owing to him getting friendly with the daughter’s room mate. Surely nothing will bring down this elaborate web of financial dubiety?

I only watched this Netflix film as it started with an ‘L’ but I was glad I went in unaware of its pedigree and subject matter. It was good fun to see a lot of familiar faces albeit in smaller roles that demanded funny accents. It was only after about 70 minutes that the penny dropped and I realised the ‘based on actual secrets’ opening caption may actually have been true for once.

The production was slick from the exotic locations, stellar cast and funky graphics. It covered a lot of similar ground to ‘The Big Short’ but was far more interesting than that. Streep was the back bone of the film and came across well as the swindled widow. Maybe less good in a second role however.

The only problem for me was the preachy end piece with Streep giving an impassioned plea for change. All very good but if I wanted politicking I’d watch panorama!

The film wasn’t scared to break the fourth wall with Oldman and Banderas wandering in and out of scene to explain stuff and show their shady influence. I also liked them breaking the fourth wall to reveal that director Soderbergh had five companies of his own. This kind of undermined the premise of the film as those involved are no doubt in the 1% paying the very least amount of tax that they can get away with.

It was however entertaining and revealing and well worth a look.

THE Tag Line : What’s in Your Wallet? 75%