No. 126 : The Founder (2016)

The Founder at the IMDb

Have you ever wonder how lard slinging chain McDonalds became a worldwide brand? Me neither, but seemingly someone thought it a tale worth telling - so let’s have a look, and yes, you can have fries with that.

Michael Keaton gets his Birdman wings clipped as he stars as salesman and generally unlikeable swindle merchant Ray Kroc. It’s the early 1950’s and whilst trying to peddle milkshake machines he comes across the first McDonalds burger stand, owned and operated by Ron Swanson and his brother. The naive siblings take Ray in and basically give him the blueprints for the entire operation. Their motivations aren’t clear, apart from being good old honest working folk, but they soon regret it as Ray starts to take over.

Ray initially flounders as the founder as he’s tied into a poor contract with the brothers that sees very little money come his way. This leads to friction with his dour wife Laura Dern who basically just pulls sour faces in every scene she appears. Ray starts to branch out on his own, and after a chance meeting with Ryan from ‘The Office’, he realises that the real money is made in the restaurant property rather than from the burgers. Soon he aims to take over the business and after a few shady moves he ends up with a new wife and a shot at the big prize. Will McDonalds survive beyond the 1950’s? Will any of their patrons survive into their 50’s?

This bio-pic was Ok but you have to ask ‘why bother?’ The outcome was never really in doubt and as a viewer you had very little invested in seeing the corporate giant survive its difficult birth. Keaton’s Ray Kroc was an unlikeable and unsympathetic con man and his character arc never made it past the drive-thru. Even at the start, when he was a struggling salesman, he was a dick and the film never convinced in its notion that Ray’s corporate raiding was the result of an unfair contract or his oft mentioned perseverance. Basically he took advantage of a couple of hicks and made millions - thank you and have a bio-pic with your Happy Meal.

Of course not all bio-pic subjects have to be sympathetic but there was hardly a lot to engage with, when the big denouement centred around milk or powdered milk in the milk shakes.

The cast was pretty good with recognisable faces all over the place. Sadly most had little to do, with Ryan from ‘The Office’ a study in method acting as he scratches his chin when overhearing Ray’s financial woes at the bank. The direction was also lumpen with Ray’s drinking problem subtly suggested as he rushes for the bottle in practically every scene.

The sets and locations were good with some nice evocations of 50’s America. I liked how one outlet was shown as going to the dogs as there was a bit of litter outside! and a rough combing his hair in the car park!

Overall this was a serviceable 100 minute bio-pic that concerns a largely uninteresting subject in a world that offers little in the way of excitement - ooh will he get a bank loan?! Will there be two pickles in the bun?! Like the fast food it centred on this film was unsatisfying and will be quickly forgotten. Wait!  - No nuggets of interest!

THE Tag Line : Floundering Founder is a Filet-O-Pish 52%

No.37 : The Squeeze (1987)

The Squeeze at the IMDb

Let’s get a bit obscure now on The Definite Article Movie list with this clunker comedy from 1987 which stars Michael Keaton. Keaton was only two years away from his star turns in ‘Batman’ and ‘Pacific Heights’ so it’s just as well the producers of those hits missed out on this effort which is short on laughs, drama and basically anything that makes a film worth watching. And look at that poster too! - Was Bin Laden a secret fan?!

Keaton plays the poorly defined Harry who is a loser hustler one minute and creator of pretty impressive dinosaurs made out of TVs the next. He has a strangely motivated sidekick in Joe Pantolianio who seems to get nothing from the relationship other than a loss of his cash and occasional beating. Maybe I missed the gay subtext? Well it is the 80’s you can’t judge by the haircuts and loud, baggy shirts.

The film opens with our likely lads executing the poorest card hustle you’ve ever seen, unless you watched ‘Big Deal’ like I did. As our heroes make good their escape Keaton’s ex-wife is trying to post a package twice as big as the mail box. Maybe they shrunk overnight or she’d never posted anything before, but it was never going in, Love.

On getting back home she finds her cat chowing down on a finger and sussing that the game was up she runs off to enlist Keaton’s help. He is strangely agreeable to this despite her debt collector being on his back for unpaid maintenance. After recovering the box and determining it to be a big magnet Keaton hooks up with the debt collector lady to try and work out why the mysterious Frenchman and his goons need the box back before the lottery is drawn.

This isn’t that bad a film, it’s just nothing special and I defy you to remember one thing about it in a month’s time, apart from the massive triceratops made out of TV sets. Keaton plays his usual mulleted, maniacal self which I always find a bit tiresome. He does OK with a weak script and poor character definition but it’s hard to care for a shiftless loser trying to con a fast buck.

Pantoliano gets very little to do and given this was the guy who played Ralphie in ‘The Sopranos’ that was a waste. Speaking of waists Meat Loaf also shows up as a henchman and despite having one of the strongest voices in rock he plays a mute who only gets one line when he’s been stabbed with the Empire State Building - well a model of it at any rate.

The love interest is provided by Rae Dong Chong who sets feminism back 20 years by falling for the alimony dodging Keaton 10 minutes after meeting him. The chemistry isn’t there at all and the devices that bring them together, like a mutual love of ‘Raw Hide’, seem strained at best.

The plot is wafer thin and involves the magnetising of lottery balls to swindle the jackpot. The draw, which is naturally held on the deck of an aircraft carrier, has scandalously low security which lets our cast manipulate the result and shoot off rockets like no one cares who gets the $55 million.

To pick plot holes in the flimsy narrative would be as hard as getting sand in your ass crack at the beach and frankly less fun. It’s not edgy or offensive with there being no sex or swearing to juice things up and without that you’re left with a largely disinterested cast running around for a 100 minutes before the hero has to decide between the money and the girl. ‘The Squeeze’? Puleeze!

THE Tag Line : Lottery Swindle Flick Is A Lot Of Balls 46%