No.182 : The Duellists (1977)

The Duellists at the IMDb

Off to the early 19th centaury now, in this historical romp which was director Ridley Scott’s first feature.

We open is Strasbourg with hot headed Harvey Keitel’s cavalry officer winning a duel by running his sabre through an unfortunate rival. The bosses aren’t too impressed and as Twitter is still 200 years away they send Keith Carradine over to tell him off. Unfortunately for Carradine, Keitel is duel mad and immediately challenges him to a showdown. Honour dictates that the challenge must be accepted, but being an able soldier Carradine manages to win the day. So that’s that then.

Of course not, as he survived Keitel can challenge again and again and again. The battles continue through the years with the backdrop of the Napoleonic wars raging as they look to sort out their personal beef. Frankly it’s no surprise that Napoleon lost, given his officers were so distracted with their own set-tos.

Both men enjoy varying military careers with Carradine doing better because he can follow orders and stuff. Keitel on the other hand becomes more bitter and when Napoleon is unseated is only saved from being executed by Carradine’s secret intervention.

With the war over and Carradine retired and married, albeit with a limp, a final challenge is received - who will survive this final battle?

This was an excellent film that ready bounded along. The central premise seems a bit daft but it was based on a true story of two Frenchmen who had more than 30 duels between them. The whole thing was bound upon honour with turning the other cheek meaning shame for you and your regiment. Keitel is great as the mental Feraud, complete with his nice ponytails. It’s not clear why he zeros in on Carradine, who is nothing but nice, but that’s the obsession in our Harvey.

The narrative device was good in allowing us to see the many theatres of the Napoleonic wars, with the two bumping into each other all over the place, even in Russia. Well it looked more like Scotland, but you get the idea.

The costumes were the standout with the Hussars uniforms a thing of beauty - Adam Ant clearly took notice. The limited budget was on show however, with the invasion of Russia involving about 30 guys. That’s not to say the film looked cheap, often it was sumptuous, but clearly there were limits in their ability to recreate a Pan-European conflict.

You are meant to favour the skilled but slightly dull Carradine over the hot headed Harvey, but I did like Keitel’s mania and devotion  to his flawed cause. The cast in general was excellent with some familiar faces getting a run out such as Alun Armstrong and Pete Postlethwaite as well as Tom Conti, pre-Rumikub commercials.

Overall this was an excellent and engaging offering which is well worth a look on Amazon Prime - for a short time only!

THE Tag Line :  Get it Up Ye!  80%

No.181 : The Alibi (2006)

The Alibi at the IMDb

As a fan of most things Coogan, I was hoping that I’d unearthed a hidden gem here from 2006. Alas it’s a dud and rightly forgotten.

Steve plays Ray Elliott a slick businessman who operates a high end organisation that supplies alibis to cheating spouses. We open with him meeting with regular client James Brolin who is a happy customer, so much so that he recommends the outfit to his son, Cyclops off ‘X-Men’.

The set up seems unnecessarily complex with operators intercepting calls and operatives checking into hotels in the client’s names with identities switched. Of course the elaborate scheme immediately comes undone, with Cyclops’s girlfriend dying during some kinky sex. There’s no suggestion of murder so I don’t know why they can’t just say it was an accident, which it was. That’s not a plot however, so what follows is a lot of convoluted encounters that makes the whole mess more complicated than Mensa running an episode of ‘3-2-1’.

Near the start of the film we see Steve employ Rebecca Romijn and he explains the operation to her as well as to us, the unconvinced viewers. It seems however that Rebecca may have her own agenda. Meanwhile, Brolin hires Sam Elliott to whack Steve to protect Cyclops, whilst Sam’s daughter Selma Blair fancies Steve and plans an assignation with him. We also get John Leguizamo, in some ill advised corn rows, as the real boyfriend of Cyclops’ date and some side plot about Coogan’s unseen partner ‘Jack’ who may or may not exist.

The various players meander their way towards a big showdown at a hotel which is maybe played for laughs, but I wasn’t sure. They did go for farce and to be fair it couldn’t have been more farcical if Ronnie Corbett had shown up with his trousers at his ankles.

There were a few signs early on that this was a troubled production. Two directors isn’t a good start nor is narration to tell you what’s going on - show, don’t say! There was also a lot of fast edits and call backs, and the whole enterprise was just plain confusing.

I get that they were trying to make some sort of commentary on social mores but it just came across as a lot of random stuff loosely patched together into an incoherent narrative.

Coogan tries hard but he seemed out of his depth in the leading man role, and it was a mistake to have Romijn as his love interest as she towered above him. Usually reliable heavy weights like Brolin, Elliott and Lezguizamo were given precious little to do, and what they got was a poor use of their talents.

You didn’t care for Ray and his sleazy business and at the end the big reveal was met by me with a resounding ‘so what’? It was also a bit tame also for a film about adultery, with everyone keeping their underwear on and swearing kept to a minimum. These seemed strange choices, and you have to wonder what audience they were actually aiming for?

My guess is that the end product was the result of massive cuts and reediting that led to the voice over and short 86 minute run time. There may have been a decent film here at one point, but it certainly wasn’t the one that oozed shamefully onto my DVD player.

The Tag Line : Make an excuse not to watch -  45%

No.180 : The Mack (1973)

The Mack at the IMDb

The Urban Dictionary describes a ‘Mack’ as a ladies’ man or a pimp. In this film it’s definitely the latter with Goldie being our main man. The film opens with Goldie getting arrested after a botched robbery he attempts with Richard Pryor, and getting five years in the joint.

Time flies and soon he’s back on the streets with ambitions to takes back what’s his, as well as lots of other stuff that isn’t his. The film is decidedly un PC with every character a racist bigot and that’s just the decent ones. Goldie’s plan is to get some broads or ‘bitches’ as he puts it, and to put them to work on the streets. Rather than feel exploited the women flock to have Goldie as their man.

He soon has a harem of ten ladies of the night on his payroll, with each earning him $100 a night (in 1973 money!). This allows him to indulge in a funny montage where he gets the best pimp gear and a fly Cadillac.

Not all is good however, with the two cops who arrested Goldie at the start trying to muscle in on his action and ‘The Fat Man’, the local Mr Big, also trying to get him in line.

We see some halcyon days with a pimp’s baseball match and barbecue (really!) as well as the ‘Playa of the Year’ awards where Goldie comes out on top. Goldie is also able to get his Mom out of the ghetto and into a harbour side apartment, whilst also having a hot white girlfriend. Can he hold it all together or will the lifestyle choices he has made come back to haunt him?

This was an outrageously un PC film by today’s standards with being caught with a copy of the script no doubt being a hate crime. It was almost exactly like ‘I’m Gonna Git Ya Sucker’ but funnier despite that one being a spoof. The clothes were amazing with Goldie’s gold bowler hat and cape combo a thing of beauty.

Goldie was a terrible person, with his exploitation of women and murders only slightly worse than his dress sense. At times he was painted in almost Robin Hood terms, but when he’s running classes in robbery and brainwashing women in a Planetarium it’s hard to cheer him on. There is some payback and reflection when various members of his posse and family get hit, but it’s played in such a cartoon fashion that it’s hard to really care.

I did like all the white villains such as the cops who, although corrupt, were also seen in a bad light for arresting Goldie for the big shoot out at the start. He was no angel and five years seemed a bit light. The Fat Man was a terrible overlord and it was no surprise that he fell for the old blind accordion player trick.

Max Julien in the lead was cool, but I wasn’t convinced by his powers of threat or menace. He looked like a nice man stuck in a funny hat and given reams of terrible dialogue to read out.

The film is a good laugh and a historical oddity. It does nothing for race relations with the African American community portrayed as mostly savage and backstabbing. All the whites were horrible too, so at least there was balance. Overall, one to watch and enjoy but also to burn if you get a knock on the door from some woke activists.

THE Tag Line : I Wanna See Assholes & Elbows! 60%

No.179 : The Birds (1963)

The Birds at the IMDb

I had previously watched ‘The Birds’ as part of my quest to see every film in the IMDb top 250 and, on first viewing, granted it an impressive 8/10. Due to a change in the ranking criteria I have now only seen 227 of  the top 250 and ‘The Birds’ no longer gets a mention; so was my rating fair? To be honest it was a while ago so a re-watch was needed. I still enjoyed the film but probably less so than an 8/10 rating suggests, but let’s have a look.

We follow the fortunes of Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren), a rich socialite with a penchant of seemingly weak practical jokes. We meet her in a pet shop where she is awaiting the delivery on a myna bird which she hopes can speak and upset her auntie. She is mistaken for an assistant by lawyer Rod Taylor who is after a pair of lovebirds. After some awkward flirting he reveals that he knows Melanie isn’t an assistant and just wanted to show her what being at the wrong end of a practical joke felt like. What a dick.

Not to be outdone, Melanie learns of Rod’s identity from her newspaper editor father and resolves to prank him by delivering the two lovebirds to his Bodaga Bay house for his sister’s birthday - that’ll show him. After a long bit of exposition in which Melanie meets local teacher Suzanne Pleshette and buys a nightgown, she delivers the birds, only to be spotted by the ever alert Taylor. Taylor was 33 at the time of filming, the same as Hedren, but he looks about 50.

Anyway, he spots her bird delivery and intercepts her at the harbour only to witness her being pecked by a seagull. This causes mild unrest but she agrees to return to have dinner with Taylor and his mother Jessica Tandy, and presumably her copper kettle. She also takes a room at Suzanne’s guest house despite not having a change of pants.

Through the night a seagull attacks their door and things quickly escalate as the birds start a full on pecking offensive which results in a gas station exploding and Melanie getting a lot of kisses from Rod.

Who will survive the onslaught of The Birds?, why are they attacking? and can a peck really be that sore?

I enjoyed this film less than I’d remembered it and it seemed a bit drawn out and silly on a second viewing. You can’t really feel the pervading sense of menace that was intended by director Hitchcock, who can be seen with his dogs in the opening scene, due to some ropey effects and some poor bird motivation. I felt that the birds lacked a bit of menace and despite the first victim appearing with his eyes pecked out, you have to wonder why he didn’t just hide under the duvet.

The build up is slow, with things layered and gradually escalating, such as the hens not eating their feed. There wasn’t however any attempt at explaining why the birds went mental and something like a mad scientist or environmental concerns may have made the whole thing a bit more engaging.

I did like the shot of the birds hovering over the gas station explosion which had an eerie ‘We did that' feel. The effects were however somewhat limited with the sparrow invasion down the chimney looking fake as did the attack on the children fleeing the church - some of those stuffed birds were held on for grim death!

The film does look dated with it’s rear projection driving and boating scenes but that’s fair enough given its 1963 origins. Tippi does well in the lead, although I bet that green twin set must have reeked by the end. Rod was less good as the square jawed hero with no answers, but I liked Pleshette and Tandy as the sultry school teacher and bitchy mother respectively.

I didn’t feel that the birds were much of a threat and the lack of motivation for them left me somewhat unengaged. It was however a decent thriller. and although a big net would have saved the day, there was enough to keep me watching for the full two hours.

THE Tag Line : Where’s the burds? Arrgghhh!  70%

No.178 : The Wackness (2008)

The Wackness at the IMDb

Although made in 2008 this film looks to capture those crazy days of 1994 when pagers and mix tapes were all the rage.

We follow our hero Luke through a hot New York summer as he deals with issues and has a romance with Judge Anderson, no less. The film has chapter cards showing each month in a graffiti tag style which was also used to vandalise the ‘Sony Picture Classics’ logo at the beginning, in what was a fun touch.

Luke kills the time before he heads for college by pedalling dope from an ice cream cart whilst staying out of the way of his parents who are constantly fighting and about to lose their fancy mid town apartment. Luke also engages in therapy with his slightly offbeat shrink played by an excellent Ben Kingsley. He is a bit off the wall but offers solid advice in exchange for packages of pot.

Luke is still a virgin - must be the only drug dealer who is! - and has no friends. He doesn’t always charge for his drugs but is still left out of the party invites and of the trips abroad. Things look up however when he meet’s Ben’s stepdaughter, the lovely Olivia Thirlby. She is a free spirit and agrees to start seeing Luke, an event that leads the pavement to light up Billie Jean style as he walks home.

The two enjoy an idyllic beach house weekend and despite Luke’s hair trigger the two get it on before Luke spoils it all by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’. Olivia has a different agenda and cuts him off. Meanwhile Ben and his wife Famke Janssen are splitting up and as a result he's taking up hard drugs and suicide attempts.

With all this disfunctionality on show, who will survive the summer and what will the fallout be? Can Luke embrace the dopeness (good) and forget about the wackness (bad)?

I really liked this film despite not being a fan of the drugs culture or of the hip-hop music that permeates throughout. The two leads are great and their long chats are good fun as are their experiments in bad behaviour.

The whole melancholy mood is well realised and I got the vibe of ‘The Royal Tenenbaums' of lives being on hold waiting for something to happen. New York looked great with the hot, claustrophobic elements of the city brought to the fore.

The ending was satisfying - hopeful but not Hollywood. Overall this was an enjoyable outing to a more innocent time when drug busts, mobile phones and Covid-19 were all the things of a madman’s dreams.

THE Tagline : Dopeness Achieved - 75%

No.177 : The Goods (2009)

The Goods at the IMDb

Given the stellar cast on show I was surprised that this film passed me by on its original release. As it neared it’s end it dawned on me that I had seen it before but had largely forgotten it. Either that or I have suddenly become great at guessing major plot twists!

The cast is excellent with at least a dozen of recognisable faces on show. It could be a case of less is more however as lots of them get very little to do.

Anyway, we follow the fortunes of Don ‘The Goods’ Ready (Jeremy Piven, unshaven) who, along with his crack team, shakes up used car lots and sells the stock. In this case it’s James Brolin’s ‘Sellick Cars’ that are getting the treatment. The sales force, who include Ken Jeong, Buster Bluth and Charles Napier, haven’t sold a car in weeks and James is close to selling the business to his idiotic son in law, Ed Helms. Helms is engaged to James' daughter and runs a rival lot which he advertises with his boy, sorry, man band.

Don takes the call and, after a party flight in which he convinces the stewardess of his patriotic right to smoke they arrive at the lot. Their shock and awe tactics work too well when another patriotic speech sees the sales force attack Ken Jeong over Pearl Harbour despite him being Korean. “We participated in a hate crime”.

The plan includes hiring strippers and Craig Robinson’s ‘DJ Request’ who refuses to play anything that is asked for. Day one goes well with 70 of cars sold from the lot of 214. Obviously things need mixed up so Don takes a mad bet from Helms that he can sell every car, failing which Helms takes the lot. There is also a go nowhere subplot of a possible offspring for Don and a couple of romantic turns for the rest of the crew, including a stripper for Ving Rhames (Fresh from ‘The Tournament‘!) and a suspect youthful pursuit for Kathryn Hahn “The rug matches the drapes”.

Will the cars be sold? What happened in ‘Querque and will the insufferable Helms get the lot and the girl?

I enjoyed this film despite it lacking much in the way of substance. The first half hour is best when they set the scene and there are a couple of cracking un-PC moments that I doubt they’d event attempt these days.

It slowed down once the previous gung-ho Don started to reevaluate his life, but it was a funny touch that resolved the parenthood of his ‘son’. His romance seemed a bit unlikely with the lovely Jordana Spiro (The woman with the bar on ‘Ozark’) falling for his charms with rather undue haste.

Kathryn Hahn’s character had a lot of the funniest lines “They made me breastfeed an old man”! but her attraction to the ten year old boy with the hormone issues was a bit creepy - make it a ten year old girl and there’d rightly be outrage.

There were a lot of funny scenes, and I liked Will Ferrell’s skydiver being plagued by dildos, but at times it looked like a long ‘Funny or Die’ sketch with things happening for no other reason than to be funny or outrageous.

The ending was signalled from a long way off but it was good fun and although we didn’t grow or learn anything a few laughs were had.

THE Tag Line : The Goods Deliver 71%

No.176 : The Tournament (2009)

The Tournament at the IMDb

30 of the world’s best assassins converge every 7 years (despite it saying ten on that poster) and have a last man standing free for all with the winner getting $10 million. We witness the end of the previous event and now the Tournament is happening again - and this time it’s in, er, Middlesbrough. God knows why - maybe a council grant or something?

Ving Rhames is defending champion - he’s not back because he’s pissed the prize money away - he’s back for revenge as one of the participants killed his wife. He must have had a late flight however as he doesn’t show up until we are about halfway through.

We follow the fortunes of Kelly Hu who is sexy and deadly. Not much personality, but you can’t have everything. She hooks up with innocent (!) priest Robert Carlyle who is having a crisis of faith and is also a target after another competitor fed him his tracking chip, meaning the pissed up priest is fair game.

Meanwhile the action is being monitored by a room of clichés; rich gamblers like the loud Texan and sinister Orientals who have bets on the outcome. Middlesbrough has loads of CCTV that the baddies can hack into, so our gamblers can get their thrills. It also seems to have no police or many civilians at all.

We get various face offs between contestants including that French bloke who does parkour and a nutty American who we don’t like as he kills a dog. Soon the numbers are whittled down, especially after a bloody encounter in a strip joint.

As you would expect it’s comes down to our three principals - who will win…The Tournament?! Not the audience, that’s for sure!

This was actually a decent offering if you have parked your brain and are just seeking shoot ‘em up thrills. It was a mistake to make Carlyle’s priest so prominent as his crisis of faith was just dull and it beggared belief that a top assassin would take him under her wing.

The action sequences were decent with the big motorway finale well choreographed. They do seem to have a lot of crappy old cars in Middlesbrough though - just as well as they all get blown up.

There was little in the way of characterisation with Rhames especially phoning it in. Hu was lovely but her dialogue was a bit stilted and I wasn’t buying her hard ass rep. Of the under card you get your usual cavalcade of psychos and exotics with snipers, grenade chuckers and one chap with a rocket launcher all adding a bit of colour - mostly red.

The film does lose momentum in the last third with the showdown and ending all being somewhat predictable. It was decent enough but you can see why there wasn’t enough to kick-start a franchise here.

THE Tag Line - Everyone is a loser in the Tournament 58%

No.175 : The Bookshop (2017)

The Bookshop at the IMDb

You know those films with alien invasions, car chases and lots of sex and violence? Well, this isn’t one of those, although there is an awkward bit of hand holding at one point.

Emily Mortimer stars as Florence, a widow who dreams of opening a book shop in the village she grew up in. She finds a run down building and orders in some stock. So far so good, and she even nets a regular customer in the reclusive Bill Nighy, who is also on his own and in the need of some action. Book action.

But there are clouds on the horizon. Light fluffy clouds, but clouds no less. Evil Patricia Clarkson wants Florence’s building for her Art Centre and her dirty tricks to get it no know bounds. Well she opens a rival book shop and poaches Florence’s schoolgirl helper.

Will the bookshop prevail? Will the friendship will Bill go anywhere and does she have adequate fire insurance?

Clearly I’m not the target audience for this film, but it really was meandering pap. I get that it was gently paced with loneliness a big theme but I was just waiting for something to happen - anything.

At one point Florence invests in 250 copies of ‘Lolita’ but that didn’t go anywhere. We never saw the rival bookshop and James Lance’s miscast London arty type villain offered little and delivered less.

The film looked good and evoked a gentler time in 1950s East Anglia. The perils were minor and everyone was quite nice although they were all bastards underneath. I could have done without Julie Christie’s pretentious voice over and it was no surprise to learn which character she was - clue the only young female in the cast.

I don’t think we learned anything here and there were certainly no laughs or thrills. You could dress it up as a ’slice of life’, but it would be a dull and unconvincing life.

The cast was mostly decent with Bill Nighy doing his usual thing in a suit and Patricia Clarkson trying to channel Cruella DeVille. Mortimer does OK in the lead and is likeable but you never got the sense she was truly invested in the shop, and the ending kind of underscored that.

Over all this was an inoffensive bit of period drama but an instantly forgettable one - read a good book instead!

THE Tag Line : Don’t Book a Viewing   - 54%

No.174 : The Room (2019)

The Room (2019) at the IMDb

In the second of our ‘The Room’ double bill we look over this creepy horror cum fairy tale that sees a European couple buy a ramshackle house in upstate New York. They learn that the house has laid empty for some years after a double murder that saw the unidentified killer slung in the nut house.

The couple have obviously never seen a horror film as they don’t immediately run away, but instead start work on the house. First order of business is to move that large pile of furniture that looks suspiciously like a barricade. Once the junk has gone a steel door is found, and don’t you know it? the elaborate two piece key is right there in the junk. You’d think if you blocked up the door you’d drop the key down a well, but we need to get inside if we’re going to have a film so on you go.

Strangely the couple don’t immediately explore the room but have a look at the electrics - their entire basement is covered in wires with a large glowing hub in the middle. How that passed the Home Inspection is anyone’s guess. Our man, Matt, drinks some whisky in the room and somewhat strangely says to himself ‘I could do with another bottle’. The lights go down and when they come on he has a new bottle. Jackpot! By the time the wife, Kate, wakes up Matt has filled the room with lots of paintings and booze. Lucky he didn’t think of drugs and hookers.

The two enjoy a fun montage of wishing for loads of stuff and have a great old time, including a frolic in some space suits - guess the props department had them lying around. As you’ll probably guess there is a catch, which Matt learns when he tries to take some money outside and it turns to dust. After a test with an original Van Gogh which disintegrates as it crosses the threshold he learns that all the wished for stuff can only exist within the house. This is obviously a drawback when, not knowing of the restriction, Kate wishes for a baby following two miscarriages of her own.

She takes the baby outside and it is quickly a five year old, who frankly is a little shit. Matt traces the original murderer at the nut house and learns that he too was a wished for baby and the only way to escape the house is to kill whomever wished for you. I don’t know how this was known - maybe The Room came with a manual when installed.

With their marriage deteriorating and the boy getting stronger and older with every step outside we have to wonder who will survive and what is really real.

I really liked this creepy horror with it’s underlying vibe of ‘what would YOU do’. Obviously the first step would be to check your mental health with the second being ‘run like hell’. Nothing good ever comes of these situations and in that sense the film reminded me of  'The Box‘. I thought here the wishes would turn out to be at the expense of someone else, but I liked the idea of you being stuck to the house if you wanted the stuff. What a needy and controlling house!

There was no attempt to explain how the room came about or what powered it and I was grateful for that. If they’d said ‘oh it used to be owned by a mad scientist/Cult/ voodoo priestess’ it would have taken away a lot of the intrigue.

The film kept a strong pace and my interest which was good going for a high concept affair like this. The ending sequences where there were rooms within rooms was well done and they kept on the right side of confusing.

The two leads were fine with Olga Kurylenko (Quantum of Solace) putting in a good show and looking rather fetching in a Basque. The male lead was a bit non-descript but he did well with some outrageous dialogue.

Over all this was a entertaining offering and, although it’s tearing me up to say it, it's the pick of the ‘The Rooms.

THE Tag Line : Make Room for The Room 73%

No.173 : The Room (2003)

The Room at the IMDb

We’ve booked a couple of rooms here at the Definitive Movies Blog, so check in and settle down for some badly informed comment and weak gags. First up is the self appointed ‘Citizen Kane’ of bad movies, ‘The Room’ from 2003. This pile of crap has enjoyed something of a renaissance recently with ‘The Disaster Artist’ starring James Franco being a bio-pic of a dreadful film.

So what makes a bad film? Is it just technical ineptitude and a poor script liberally sprinkled with terrible acting or is there something more? For me, a bad film is a boring one that’s quickly forgotten. You can’t say that for ‘The Room’ as it is as memorable as it is enjoyable. I know the film has cult status with people going to screenings dressed up and throwing spoons, that’s nice for them, but a bit tiresome really.

The film is written, directed and stars Tommy Wiseau whose performance has to be seen to be believed. He’s like a mash up between a wrestler and a Bond villain. He has long unkempt hair and a droopy eye. He is quite muscly and struggles with dialogue. That’s fair enough as he’s of Polish origin but it’s hard to take a leading man seriously when he mangles his lines and emphasises the wrong parts whilst waving his arms about as if in distress.

He has to accept all of the blame given that he wrote the script too. The plot would fit on the back of a stamp with trampy Lisa basically banging two blokes in turn whilst displaying a random character trait in each scene in which she appears. To be fair at one point someone describes her a pyscho, so if you accept that, at least some of the plot will make sense.

The film opens with Johnny (Tommy) buying Lisa a nice dress. They make love and talk of their upcoming wedding. In the next scene she tells Johnny’s friend Mark that Johnny is boring and they make love. Johnny then comes home having failed to land a promotion at the bank. They get drunk and make love. Mark then comes over to tell Lisa it’s over, they make love.

It’s essentially a soft core porn flick that seemingly cost $6m to make. They must have spent the money on footballs and pretzels because it’s certainly not on the screen. There are more bizarre moments and plot twists like a drug debt story that goes nowhere and several scenes of various characters throwing a football around for no discernible reason.

‘The Room’ is a strange title in itself and the word is never uttered in the film. To be fair they only have two rooms as sets, so it must refer to one of them. The one with the candles and the roses where the shagging takes place, is my guess. There may be some subtext that ‘the room’ is a psychological state or it refers to the walls of madness that close in on us all when we are betrayed by a skanky girlfriend. I doubt it’s that deep - in fact I’m certain, as this is just a bloated vanity project that allowed a weirdo to fulfil his dreams and get his buns on screen.

I’d say fair play to him - it’s very easy to pick holes, but it is an object lesson in how difficult it is to make a film and how many parts you need to get right. ‘The Room’ manages to get most of them wrong but it’s a fun ride and definitely worth seeing. The sex and fight scenes are the best but I also liked the flower shop ‘Hi doggie!’ and party sequences, which were laugh a minute.

I’d recommend that you read the book ‘The Disaster Artist’ first so that you can learn about the genesis of this important and memorable work - and so you can look out for all the cock ups.

Best Bit : Leave your stupid comments in your pocket! 60%