No.102 : The Challenge (1982)

The Challenge at the IMDb

East meets West now in this 1982 action thriller, which was a lot better than I anticipated.

Scott Glenn stars as Rick a down on his luck boxer - but we know he’s still got it when he KO’s the smart mouth champ he’s meant to be sparring with. His skills attract the attention of a wheelchair bound Japanese businessman who for some reason finds his employees in back street gyms. He offers Rick $500 dollars a day for taking an antique sword back to Japan. The sword’s ownership is sorely contested by two brothers and by entrusting it to Rick he hopes it can be delivered without incident - haven’t these people heard of Royal Mail special delivery?

As expected, things don’t go smoothly with Rick being intercepted at the airport - what a rubbish plan! Rick’s captor is a westernised Japanese thug who is tasty with his knife and has a nice line in casual swearing. He soon finds out that Rick is a decoy as the sword in his golf bag is a fake. Careful not to upset his boss the thug grabs the wheelchair man and shoves him out onto a road and off a bridge that wasn’t designed for wheelchair access. With the deception exposed and paymaster lost Rick has to wonder who is going to sign his expenses chitty.

He meets the evil big boss and is offered $15,000 if he can get in with the nice brother and steal the sword back when the opportunity arises. Rick agrees and after some training in the martial arts he gets his chance. His honour gets the better of him however, and after looking at the nice engravings he takes it back only to be greeted by the master - he saw Rick’s good character all along!

The sensei looks after Rick and trains him in the old ways of stick, sword and throwing stars. The other brother is a total dick with a big lair and loads of goons with guns - frankly I think the baddie has the better idea! Rick falls for the master’s foxy daughter and after a few run ins with the bad guys they decide to take the fight to the leader’s lair to reclaim their sword and their honour. Can the sword beat the gun and will the family be healed? Will that order for new hats be a waste and will Rick achieve redemption?

Directed by John Frankenheimer this was a superior ‘fish out of water’ movie that had plenty of action as well as some intelligent commentary on culture clashes and the old meeting the new. It was a lot like ‘The Last Samurai’ with the two brothers at opposite ends of the moral and weaponry spectrums. As with all these kind of films there is a lot of chatter about ‘honour’ and ‘loyalty’ and it’s wasted as they all end up stabbing each other in the back - it’s just like the Klingons!

The action was great however and the assault on the bad guy’s lair was like something out of a James Bond film with endless henchmen being mercilessly dispatched. The main bad guy and his helper got great send offs with the effects equal to the gore.

Scott Glenn isn’t the most enigmatic of actors but he does well here with his rite of passage from loser to hero well documented. He spends five days in a hole eating bugs and comes out of it none the worse and he nails the hot daughter to boot! The settings were all authentic and although the frenetic last 20 minutes was out of kilter with what had gone before it meant the film ended on a high.

The film was a lot like earlier Definite Article subject ‘The Yakuza’ with many of the same scenes present and correct. It was however a more enjoyable and fulfilling movie that had a satisfying mix of sex , violence and a man eating cockroaches and it is certainly this blogger’s ‘Round Eye in Japan’ film of choice.

81% Best Bit - I’ll get my hat - wait, don’t bother

No.62 : The Guard (2011)

The Guard at the IMDb

This enjoyable comedy thriller opens as Brendan Gleeson’s jaded Irish police sergeant or ‘Guard’ sits in his police car. We quickly realise that he’s seen it all before when a car load of druggies crash in front of him without him raising an eyebrow. We also get a snapshot of his moral compass as he helps himself to the dead louts’ drugs before dumping the rest so that their mothers won’t learn of their criminal lifestyles.

The film proper opens with our man being called to a murder scene. He has in tow a young constable who would rival Father Dougal in the thickness stakes. The murder scene is peppered with clues such as a ‘5 1/2’ daubed on the wall, but while the protégé thinks it may be the work of a serial killer our man has it down as nothing more than a routine killing.

Despite a tip off the case goes cold until a visiting FBI operative briefs the Irish about a $500 million drug smuggling operation that is likely to land on their patch. Brendan enjoys ripping the piss from the buttoned up American but is taken seriously when he reveals that one of the FBI’s suspects was in fact his murder victim.

As you may guess the tight ass American and the maverick Irishman have to join forces to stop the bad guys and hopefully build some cultural and racial bridges.

Although this film has the set up of an ‘Odd Couple’ cop movie with a ‘fish out of water’ angle thrown in, it does a good job of subverting the genre and giving as some laughs along the way. There aren’t too many surprises but Gleeson’s character is a lot of fun, romping with hookers on his day off and inventing a clever way to turn the tables on a killer - oh the itch!

The American is played with some charm by Don Cheadle and although I didn’t quite buy into his character, he is likable enough to keep you invested. The intended friction between the two leads never really convinced and although frosty for five minutes you never felt that a team up and mutual respect were a long way off.

The threat element is delivered by a trio of drug lords who are more council estate than Columbia. They are lead by the always villainous Mark Strong who is as good a shot as he is a smuggler. They did have a couple of malevolent scenes, but were always just a foil for our two leads to mesh together.

The laughs are liberally sprinkled throughout and some of the second string characters are good value, especially the young lad who finds, and helps himself to, a cache of guns.

The character development was kept to a minimum and it was refreshing that Gleeson remained as boorish and un-PC throughout, despite  Don’s criticisms. The ending was left somewhat enigmatic but there was enough sown throughout the film to assume things will turn out OK.

I enjoyed this film, that offered nothing in the way of surprises but loads in terms of laughs and charm.

THE Tag Line : Guard your hookers and drugs!  72%

No.4 : The Untouchables (1987)

The Untouchables at the IMDb

Loosely based on that episode of ‘The Simpsons’ where Homer becomes The Beer Baron ‘The Untouchables’ tells the tale of the battle for the streets of Chicago in the 1930’s.

It’s the era of prohibition and Robert De Niro’s Al Capone runs all the rackets with an iron baseball bat, free from prosecution given that he has all the cops on his payroll. Things start to change however when treasury agent Elliott Ness (Kevin Costner) is appointed to take on the Mob.

It starts a bit slowly for the good guys, and after a failed bust that leaves Ness looking like a total parasol he decides to rethink his strategy. He firstly recruits an old Irish beat cop in the shape of Sean Connery and then Andy Garcia straight from the Police Academy - possibly because he can do funny computer noises - it isn’t really explained. To fill out the foursome they also get an accountant who should really stop going on about the tax situation - that’ll never solve anything!

Things quickly improve with a few successful raids that soom get Al on the ropes. He fights back with a few hits of his own and soon it’s down to who can survive the overlong slo-mo shootout and indeed the court room that will win the day.

I’m not a great fan of the director Brian DePalma who, apart from the opening scene in ‘Carrie’, has done little that I’ve enjoyed - his remake of ‘Scarface’ for example is practically unwatchable. This however is his best work, no doubt due to the scriptwriting of David Mamet whose work for Definitive TV show ‘The Unit’ is exceptional.

The cast all do good work too, apart from the miscast De Niro who never convinces as the psycho kingpin of crime. Sean Connery is great as Oirish copper Malone and got an Oscar for his efforts; maybe more for time served than this alone but he is undeniably watchable. His accent deviates from ‘Danny Boy’ to ‘Rob Roy’ but what the hell, he’s good value and tough as nails.

Costner does solid work in most of the films where he isn’t directing and apart from ‘Field of Dreams’ this is his best picture too. Andy Garcia makes an early appearance and despite being somewhat underused he still shows a bit of star quality.

Overall the film is a goodies vs. baddies affair and although plainly drawn they all offer a lot by way of character and excitement. I liked the white suited hit man, Frank Nitti ,who was marvellously evil and his polar opposite in the weedy accountant who was pretty tasty with the shot gun. The rights and wrongs of prohibition are never really challenged with Ness’ straight ‘the law is the law’ arrow tested when his by the book views are stretched by the scofflaw bad guys.

The violence is brutal throughout and I liked that no one was safe from a grisly death. Of course history is played with fast and loose but if you are looking for a documentary a big Hollywood production shouldn’t really be your first port of call.

It’s not all plain sailing with a few too many arty directorial touches thrown in for no good measure and the final courtroom show down between Ness and Capone, which never happened, is a bit OTT.

Overall however you get a cracking fast paced crime movie set in the always cinematic Chicago with plenty of grisly action and a few wrong foots. The sets and the Armani costumes are great as is the score by Ennio Morricone - apart from a couple of misplaced 80's synthesisers. A Definitive hit!

The Definitive Tag Line : Fought Ness Monster! 77%

The Definite Article Movie Blog

Don't you just hate it when film makers give their movies long and tiresome titles that you just can't fit it on the front of that DVDR you've just burned? Me too. This blog will celebrate those movies that show a brevity of naming that deserves our respect. None of your 'The Adventures of Pricilla Queen of the Desert' here, you'll get 'The Box' and like it.

All films reviewed will have two word titles the first of which must be 'The'. No sequels like 'The Fly 2' are allowed and no foreign stuff unless the the generally accepted translation is 'The Caterpillar' or something like that.

Our previous quest, which is still running incidentally, catalogued and critiqued over 160 movies that started with a 'W' and we'll hope to top that by Christmas 2025. Any suggested viewing or comments on the comments are of course welcome. We'll start soon, so clear those diaries and prepare for an onslaught of the ''THE' movie blog', that the world could possibly do without.